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Consider this: we split in 2020 and he divorced in 2019. So heโs been divorced, engaged and married to someone else within 4 years!
As an aside, I'm on holiday (coincidentally in the place we met and got engaged) and have just learned this piece of information via a mutual contact. I am in my feelings about it. I have moved on several times but this information was always going to be a little gut punch.
He was a controlling 'my way the highway' type and it's absolutely for the best that we split up. My life improved when he stepped out of it. But I do feel weird. And I'm meant to be having a lovely time on holiday creating fresh memories where he doesn't feature. Damnit.
Please send me good vibes if you have any advice as to how I process this. ๐
Remember: the first one to move on was the problem in the relationship.
This guy is looking for a generic human woman he can slot into his life โ be glad you escaped.
Enjoy your holiday and the fact you're not tied to that controlling man forever
I have an ex who got married a couple years after we split (we were together for 6 lol), and honestly I felt relief for myself because that meant he wouldn't be stalking me anymore. And I also pitied his wife. They have a kid now, and my heart breaks, because I can't imagine he's capable of looking up from his video game consul long enough to know the kid's name.
My greatest hope is that his wife sees what a POS he is, and divorces him before she wastes away as many years as I did.
So that's how I handled my situation--celebrated that he won't come after me anymore, pray that his new wife gets out safely, and enjoy my current, fulfilling, single life.
Sending you good vibes โค๏ธ Just remember your ex was not the man he sold himself to be, and hopefully his new wife will get wise and leave him just like you did.
๐ฅ
Consider it as a situation where there's been too much loss to life and nature. Like the COVID or earthquake. Tell yourself you could have been the one there with him, on the receiving end and trapped.
Now think of how you broke up in the first place. That girl from the nightmare isn't you. There's your full proof perspective.
Find the notes from your journal if any tonight and go through them with your favorite hot beverage or chocolate for a bonus.
You dodged a bullet, Sis. Enjoy your holiday.
I've been dealing with something similar.
There are certain feelings and emotions to this situation where you really question whether you were the issue. If you weren't then why did you not experience the same level of happiness that this guy now seems to have with that new woman. If there is a bleak chance that he pulled his socks and improved himself, why did he not do it earlier for me?
And some more similar questions and doubts arise in your mind again and again.
Let me assure you, YOU WERE NOT THE ISSUE. At best, you guys were just incompatible. At worst, the new woman has a list of challenges coming her way.
One of my beautiful friends shared recently, how she felt the same looking at other couples 2 years ago, but today they were divorced. So now she looks back and has different feelings about the same.
So, let's trust that our current situations are not failures in any way.
Maybe few years from now, you will look at the couple differently because of their circumstances then and you might be in a much different and better place then.
Enjoy your holiday ๐ you have definitely earned it
Something like 75% of second marriages end in divorce. This LVM has shifted his garbage from you to someone else. Be grateful you have washed the stink from your hands. His new wife has to deal with it now.
Could defo have been worse-you could've had that ball and chain attached to you forever๐! Have a lovely holiday ๐
His poor new wife. Hopefully she'll wake up and divorce him too.
Just feel sorry for the new wife because now sheโs in a controlling partnership thatโs only going to get worse from here. Picture what your life would be like if you were still married to him and be glad youโre not!
I donโt have mutuals with my ex and even though my rationale brain knows we are incompatible, I would be upsetโฆbut more about the unfairness of life. Average men just tend to have better options than average/exceptional women and that is really hard to accept.
I think for me its been harder to move on NOT because of my ex but because since then (4 years ago) my dating experiences have been mediocre-bad. And the few times Iโve been sexually attracted to men they behaved like trash.
I might be upset about not getting picked ๐ but I havent met a man I would want to get picked by. It takes me to such an existential place to wonder about thisโฆ
My suggestion to you is that you book your vacation with physical activities so you leave very little time to think about this. We cannot outthink our thoughts but physical exertion helps.
My heart goes out to you! It is easier said than done to blame yourself. At the same time, it takes a lot for someone like your ex to change as a person. Don't think for a second that he isn't going to subject this "new" person to anything different than he put you through. Leopards don't change their spots! Treat yourself to things that make you feel good, call a friend and vent to them, punch a punching bag :D Enjoy your much deserved vacation!
Think of the holiday as experiencing the life you had with him again, but free this time. Idk I'm not a therapist I think this will help
๐ค youโll rise. heal and then rise.