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Seeking advice. I'm going through a spell of reevaluating my relationships, partly in response to FDS, partly because because my father is in v poor health. I suspect this is one of the last Christmases we have with him.
One of my school friends has been someone I have avoided since starting my levelling up journey this summer. I find her very draining and she has a tendency to think her problems are worse and try to 'out do' you, despite having some lovely traits too. Conversations with her (and some others who I've created space from) have left me feeling unheard and I decided to make a change.
I've made a conscious effort to busy myself in recent months and become committed to my sport/passions etc. Today I get a message from her asking where to drop off my Xmas gift and that she's available to talk if I want to. I know this is a kind gesture but it feels like it comes with strings attached. I haven't bought her a gift. I haven't seen her in 4 months.
I don't want to talk to her because I fear in my sad/mad/thinking of dad state I will reveal some home truths. She obviously doesn't deserve that around Xmas time. But I can't keep ignoring her forever so I'm wondering what the classy thing to do is in this scenario. We go back 30 years but I have to draw a boundary in my life, at the ripe age of 32, that I'm not a sponge for other people's misery - despite the fact we go back a long way.
Is there a way of navigating this? Do I come clean about why I've been so distant or do I continue to make excuses. Neither cot which feel great.
"Thanks, that's so thoughtful of you, but I'm laying low this year due to family reasons. Let's reconnect in the new year when things for me have settled down. Stay well."
You actually can keep ignoring her forever - that’s the “classy” thing to do when the person cannot handle your truth.
Also, no her gift is not a "kind" gesture at all in this context. It's manipulation and an attempt to force a conversation out of you. There's a reason you do not feel comfortable having a dialogue with this person!
If she truly is your friend, then she won't be burdened with you talking about what's going on in your life. I don't know her, so I don't know if she's too far gone, so much so that it's better to cut her off. It sounds like you think she's worth staying friends with. In that case, it seems that a quick meet up for coffee would be nice. It's easy to grab a quick gift. My friend stopped by with very short notice, so I rummaged my closet and found a beautiful lantern from Pier One that I'd always meant to hang up in my garden. I wrapped it up and gave it to her, and she was so pleased.