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Some men I've dated in both the distant and recent past have deemed it unnecessary to make dinner reservations when planning a dinner date.
When asked why they had not made reservations, they told me they knew the restaurants well and felt confident about being seated immediately upon arrival. In most cases, this has been true.
However, I can't shake the feeling that they should have made reservations regardless. Refusing to make a reservation signifies a lack of pre-planning and respect, and I have made a decision, going forward, to avoid dates that do not include reservations.
My question:
What is the FDS-approved method of handling a situation in which a man plans to take you to dinner but does not make a dinner reservation? Should we mention the importance of having a reservation or block and delete without explanation?
If they don’t make reservations and confirm with me the day before, I simply don’t go or talk to them. Block and delete.
Great post. I also feel like I can't rely on a guy if they're not the type to make reservations.
It's giving me "Will I have to end up playing mommy to you one day?" sort of vibes.
Interested to see what others will say.
Making a reservation is ridiculously easy these days. You can do it online and you don't even have to call the restaurant. Most of the time when you just Google a restaurant the first thing that pops up is a giant RESERVE A TABLE button. With that in mind, no reservation probably means he didn't even bother to look up the restaurant beforehand. In my experience that lack of preparedness has always showed up in other ways sooner or later on down the line.
For example, I can think of a time when a guy asked me out to dinner but didn't make a reservation, even though he picked the restaurant. Even the host seemed to think it was a little weird that we didn't have a reservation. We were seated right away with no problem, but when he looked at the menu he seemed very unprepared for how expensive everything was. Which is silly because you can see the menu prices online for most places. He also had no clue what to order and so I ended up picking everything for us, even though there are so many online reviews identifying the best items on the menu. On our second date he asked me to split the bill for lunch at a cheap food stand.
I really don't want to experience that again, so I just block and delete if he doesn't explicitly mention a reservation. The most I would do on your part is ask him in advance what time the reservation is, and if he doesn't have a reservation just block and move on. It's definitely not worth your energy to explain why reservations are important. It's incredibly self-evident and any man who doesn't realize why is not a mature adult.
Making reservations is an indicator that you want to make sure everything is comfortable and pleasurable for the other person. UK Mother’s Day isn’t until 19th March but I booked a table for my mum a few weeks ago. I wanted a particular place for a particular time. Of course I’m not going to leave it up to chance.
I feel like men who don't make reservations are the same ones who wouldn't make a dentist appointment, hence not visit the dentist.
Now I expect that a guy makes a reservation. I'm in a European country where no guy I've ever met made a reservation for a restaurant. Most guys don't even want to take you out to dinner (95% will ask to go for coffee or a walk, which I decline) . So when one actually wants to take you out to dinner you meet up in front of the restaurant and hope it's not so busy that you have to wait... It's super annoying and I don't want to do that again. But I also won't ask a guy to make a reservation as I feel a guy who's really HV or interested would do it on his own.
BTW, the guys I'd meet would usually come from other cities, but I still think they should Google a few places in my city and make a reservation. It's not that hard.
Absolutely! Take it from someone who knew better and regretted ignoring the glaring red flag.
If he doesnt make a reservation, I think he's the kind of person who's overly anxious about making phone calls. Like, grow up, get over your nerves, and pick up the phone. It's very immature and unattractive. And I feel the same way about men who want to do everything online - like if he says that he would have made a reservation but the restaurant's website glitched out on him. A lame excuse to not just pick up the phone.
On another note - people have been talking on here about all the "Unknown Member"s and I'm curious why there are so many. Could you tell me why you're showing up as an unknown member to me? Is your account not public, or have you blocked me (no hard feelings, if so), or something else?
He should always make reservations. It takes about 15 seconds online at most places and shows that he cares for your comfort and respects your time. A HVM won't risk making you stand around and wait to get a table. He knows it reflects poorly on him when he doesn't plan adequately and wants to impress you. If the restaurant doesn't take reservations for small parties, as some do not, then it's not a great choice for a first date and he should save it for later in the relationship. And even then, he should warn you first that there might be a wait and ask if you would rather go somewhere else.
See also: the guy who asks you to dinner and then expects you to suggest good local restaurants as if you're his personal party planner. No, no, no. He can ask if you have any preferences for cuisine or any allergies, but the effort of researching what restaurants are well-regarded in your area and then making reservations at one of them should be entirely his. Think of it as the Rule of E's: we do not Expend Extra Effort or Energy to Entertain men. Our mere presence is more than Enough.
Also, if he picks a place that you know is not good, feel free to tell him you'd prefer a different spot. Your time is precious and irreplaceable and you aren't obligated to visit a restaurant that you know you won't enjoy. As a bonus, how he reacts to that little wrench in the gears can also be a good indicator of his personality. Is he apologetic and immediately willing to find an alternative, or does he minimize your preference or try to make you feel guilty because he had to--gasp!--cancel the reservation and make a new one? HVM will already have alternatives in mind because they spent time thinking about the perfect place to take you and considered several candidates. LVM will be too lazy or their ego too bruised to care about making you happy; block and delete them immediately if their reaction is anything less than completely ideal and gentlemanly.
Do not settle for men who don't plan ahead. This careless sloppiness and lack of regard for your comfort and time will carry over into every aspect of your relationship, and if this is how he behaves at the beginning when he is supposed to be trying to impress you, how much worse will it be when he gets comfortable? Vet ruthlessly and forever.
Honestly, I dated a guy who never called ahead and it was so chaotic. It wasn’t a fun time. Especially when our dinner plans were nixed bc the restaurant was full and we had to eat at a different place when I’d been looking forward to eating there. 😤 It’s def a green flag when a man makes a reservation and plans ahead. I’d just call the restaurant day of and ask if “name” has a reservation. If not, don’t go. You can drop the hint that you expect a reservation by confirming it, too. “The reservation at Blah is at 7:30. Got it. I’ll see you there.” Something like that.