Should we be explicit about what we want for dates?

I wait to see his suggestion- coffee is low effort and unoriginal, if he's making a soft suggestion sometimes I'll make a joke about anything but coffee and see if he presses forward with a poor offer. If I don't feel like it then I just unmatch. Bc I want to see what he wants to offer me- I don't see the point in having to drag a man around to get him to treat me well

If a man asks me out to coffee/park I say, “no, thanks! I’m not looking for friends right now.” He’ll either correct with a better option or not and if not, I block and delete or walk away. I don’t really do dating apps anymore, but I typically make it pretty easy to date me by writing “my dream date would be (enter desired date here” in my bio or talking about wanting to see something and routinely switch out between things I’d like to do that week. 9/10 times it works and I get to go on dates I actually want to go on. In the early stages of dating they don’t really know you so I think it’s perfectly fine to hint at what you like in the beginning. Later on tho, they should know you better and shouldn’t need to be told where to take you or what gifts would mean a lot to you. Also, a first date is what you’re comfortable with. If it’s dinner, good. If it’s a going to an art museum that’s in town, great. If it’s comedy show from your fav comedian, perfect. But it should be something that YOU like and requires him to put in effort to plan, time to give, and money to spend. Even if not a lot of money, like an Applebee’s 2 for $22. Whatever, there needs to be investment on his end and he needs to pay for the whole date, no halfsies. I say this because then even if the date goes wrong, you can still have an enjoyable time and still have your money. The best advice I can give you is to say you’ve always wanted to go to x restaurant, but haven’t had the time. See what he says. I use this strategy and it sometimes works for restaurants but I get better results with museums and plays. I like it tho bc: 1) It’s not asking him out, but now he knows there’s a place you want to go to and so he can take the initiative to ask you out to a place you like. 2) It is an easy way to see if he can pick up hints and make mental notes of places you say you like. Side note: my most recent ex remembered me gushing about a bed and breakfast I went to 2 years ago and for Valentine’s day planned, booked, and paid for us to go there for a week. If he wanted to, he would! 3) It’s pretty easy to see if he’s biddable. If you’ve dropped this huge hint and he ignores it, he’s probably not very biddable and thus not a good date. It’s not fun to argue all the time, so if he fights with you about it, that’s at least a yellow flag and you should proceed with caution. I hope this helps!

Depends on how he suggests the date. If he’s acting chill but almost lazy/slack about the coffee date, I block. But if he seems genuinely polite, gentlemanly and interested in me but suggests coffee I would say “No thanks, I don’t do coffee/drinks. Men only take me on dinner dates”. If he apologises and meets that standard without hesitation, I’d accept it. I’m aware that the dating climate is different now- especially since I’m a college student in a very relaxed country, so trying to be laid-back, convenient and non-imposing is the most successful suggestion for a date and therefore, it’s understandable they’d suggest that first.

Why show your entire hand? Your answers will let him easily manipulate you to believe a version of himself he creates to lure you in. Let him show you who he is through his own actions. Don’t try to mould a man into who YOU want him to be. You can subtly hint at what you like and if he isn’t obtuse, he will pick up on it. This goes back to the classic saying: If he wanted to, he would.

My current boyfriend asked me to dinner on the first date. He lives more than an hour away but took the time and made the effort to research a highly-rated restaurant that was conveniently local to me, in the cuisine I'd mentioned I liked, made reservations, and got there early to be sure I wouldn't have to wait. To this day, although we've been dating for several months, he makes the reservations, calls ahead, does the driving, and I rarely lift a finger to see him. Occasionally I go to his house, but he picks me up and drives me there and then back home. This is what FDS dating should look like IMO. You are worth the effort.

If you have to tell him explicitly what you want, or ask for something as simple as dinner over coffee, he's not putting in enough work to see you. Do you really want to have to tell your boyfriend every time that you want him to take you to dinner rather than a coffee shop and the park? That should be implicit and understood, IMO. Remember that your behavior in the earliest days of dating sets the tone for your entire relationship. If you started off with low standards, it will be nearly impossible to raise the bar later on. Start off extremely high maintenance (in a nice way, and always genuinely and with your own happiness in mind) and you will weed out most men but end up with one who expects to treat you generously and thoughtfully every time, because you have always expected him to and never settled for less.

I recall a post on the subreddit that suggested saying to reply to offers of coffee or drinks dates with "I am more accustomed to formal dates" or simply "I usually prefer dinner dates" and if he doesn't take the hint and make such arrangements, drop him.

I wouldn't drop a guy just for suggesting drinks or coffee (it's really common in my city) but I would ditch him if he can't take the hint that you have higher expectations.

But if a guy opens with something realllly low effort like "a walk", drop him immediately.

When they ask me about my schedule this week/the next week I ALWAYS answer “I’ve been super busy, but I can find some free time on my schedule depending on the plan”. I think this put a sense of “she is not always free”, “I should come with a good date suggestion” and “I should value her time”. For me the third one is the most important

You're doing the right thing rejecting men for not offering to take you to dinner. That's your gut telling you that he's not picking up what you're putting down, and he's not serious in his interest towards you.

If you reveal your preferences, most men will pretend to be what you want to get you emotionally attached and to sleep with him faster. Just see what he offers, and drop him if it’s not what you want. He needs to put in the work to impress you, so don’t help him do his own dirty work.

I never drop hints and just say things outright.... That's just me though because of age and no longer giving a f*ck.

I mostly lead with my busy workweek and say that I can only do dates in the evenings, which should rule out a coffee date or a walk in the park for reasonable people. If I can only date in the evening, dinner in a restaurant is kind of the obvious choice. If they still offer something sketchy (like going to a bar for drinks) or low effort, I walk.

Then I also wait for their suggestion and only correct if it is a decent suggestion itself but won't work for me for reasons he couldn't have anticipated (e.g. he suggests a great, fancy seafood place but I have a seafood allergy he didn't know about or he suggests a nice steakhouse without good vegetarian options but I am a vegetarian and he didn't know that or he suggests a nice place with outdoor seating next to a beautiful meadow in spring but I have a terrible pollen allergy).