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I met a guy and we've been on one date. He's having a gathering, and he's invited me over, but I don't want to come over. This is the second invitation that I have declined. How do I tell him I don't want to come over, because I think it's too soon to go to his place even if it's just for something as innocent as a party?
I'm a little bit anxious as you can see...
In my head, maybe he will respect my decision and not be disappointed. The worse that could happen is that he just stops seeing me... I think he's really cool, but I wouldn't go over to his place since I barely know him. To be honest, I've never spent the night with any guy nor engaged in sexual activity. I just don't want to do any of that before marriage. I've been experiencing problems communicating this to men as they'll try to convince me otherwise, dump me, and get really mad. Is it also to have a relationship with men without involving sex?
I'm trying to find a way to decline his offer so that he won't be offended. Hopefully, he'll stop asking me to come over.
Update: I've reached a conclusion. I plan on telling him that I don't feel comfortable going to his house. If he persists, I'd probably tell him that the relationship should stop at this point while it's still early.
“I’d prefer not to go to your place until we know each other better.” His response will tell you what you need to know. If he pressures you, whines, gets angry, or belittles your opinion, then block and delete. Same for if he seems fine with it, but then keeps “forgetting” and inviting you over. The HVM answer is for him to say “Of course,” and keep taking you out on dates in public until you express interest in visiting his home. If he reacts badly to you expressing this basic preference, then you don’t want him in your life anyway.
Why do you care if he's disappointed or offended? You've only been on one date and look at all the mental gymnastics/agonising you're already starting to engage in.
That, to me, would be a giant neon-flashing stop sign in and of itself - even without the guy's inappropriate attempt to get you over to his house when you barely know him and don't know his friends at all - but I appreciate that everyone is different so all I'll say is that it might be worth reflecting on this response in yourself.
Please remember that dick is abundant and low value, because it sounds like you're afraid to offend and maybe lose this guy. Who cares? That's what vetting is about. Put yourself first, queen. If he gets offended, another one will come along in ten minutes.
If you don't want to go to his place, don't go to his place. Period.
You can tell him you'd rather wait until you know him better to go to his place. If he reacts in any way that makes you uncomfortable, you need to block, delete, and move on.
Drop this guy now.
He doesn't respect your 'no', he thinks it means a negotiation.
Take a break from dating, it sounds like you're still wobbly about boundaries and wanting strangers to like you.
You’ll get there and the party will be ‘cancelled’ or some other absurd shit.
you've been on only one date and he wants you to go to his place already? i don't trust this guy.
you can politely decline his invitation and see how he reacts. try your best not to worry so much about his feelings. your safety comes first. you have to be polite and respectful because that's a matter of human decency, but asserting your boundries shouldn't be such a stressful task. no need to walk on eggshells. his reaction to your response will help you figure out if this guy is potentially HV (although i doubt it, since he wants you to go to his place so soon).
If he's a good man he will understand why, but if he claims to be offended then there's your answer... NB: If you don't want to be intimite until marriage I would share that with him so that you don't waste your time with someone who just wants a roll in the hay... If he shames you about your choice, run....
Best way by saying, hey I don’t want to come over, I’m not comfortable with that so soon.
His response (and future responses of whether or not he brings this up) will tell you if he’s worth having in your life or not.
And might be worth considering that your question of whether or not you should go, despite clearly not feeling comfortable or wanting to do so, shows that you probably aren't ready for dating, if your boundaries aren't rock solid.
It gets more difficult, when men ask/push for further and you haven't got it down (yet!) as to how to listen to your body/mind to keep you personally safe.