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I left my narcissist ex one year ago. In the beginning I had such a pick me mindset I started to message men on OLD first and I became so desperate because I wanted to get over my ex pretty fast. None of the men I messaged first were interested in me and that lowered (even more) my self esteem. Then I discovered FDS. Now I'm an independent woman in my early 30s, with a decent job, good shape , hobbies and social life. I met this guy, 35. Good looking, nice and with many things in common. But he is super socially awkward. He messaged me on Instagram because a friend of mine told him I'd be a good match (long time follower but never had the guts to message me first, red flag). We started chatting for a week or two until we met at a party. When I met him irl I thought he was.... shy? Like really really bad conversations. It's OK we all get nervous sometimes. I messaged him the day after and told him it was nice to met him. He didn't say anything about me. It would have been nice if he would say I am prettier in person, or I seem interesting or I am funny or something. Nothing. He asked me out and we went on a date (he paid but I had to pick myself the place). He has literally no indicative at all. There's no flirting between us, absolutely nothing. He didn't ask me any questions not even my real name (my friends use a nickname for me), because he didn't want to "bother me". Red flags: he is 35 and still lives at mom's. He has a dead end job working in retail. He has been in the same position for 8 years. Not even manager or something, just a minimum wage retail job. He has a degree and never used it. Since I left my ex I became very picky and resentful. But am I too picky if I think I deserve better? I'm asking you ladies because my friends tell me it's OK he has a stable job and it's OK he lives with his mom because rent is expensive and I should give him a chance. I really don't know if he is not into me or intimidated by me. Either way I'm pretty lonely and I rarely get approached and I'm so lonely I'm considering giving him a chance. Please, give me some perspective. Thank you 💖
Edit: another red flag: he never had a serious relationship before. He told me vaguely about some financial family problems he's having which would explain why he's living with his mom. All though he is planning two large traveling trips this year , one it's just to get a tattoo.
These friends who are telling you to give him a chance in spite of him not meeting your standards...would THEY give him a chance under the same circumstances?
“Should I give him a chance?” The answer to this question is always NO. See also: The Handbook.
> he is 35 and still lives at mom's. He has a dead end job working in retail.
Even he was extremely sociable and into me I wouldn't be interested on these grounds. No point marrying a financial liability who in the event of a divorce could take you to the cleaners and no point in dating if there isn't some end goal like marriage down the line.
Let’s imagine you get together. Will he ever propose? Ok let’s imagine he manages that and you’re buying a house but you’re in a meeting and there’s a problem, will he be ok calling the agent back and making sure the offer doesn’t fall through? Now you’re in labour and it’s scary, is he advocating for you when your care team don’t seem to be listening? When you need to call the school because your kid is being bullied? Can you honestly be arsed with all that?
No.
"Should I give him a chance?"
Proceeds to dump a million red flags about him.
Girl.. you know the answer.
Short Answer : NO.
Long Answer: FUCK NO.
This guy sounds immature, irresponsible, and unmotivated. You deserve better.
HELL NO. Although I will say, a lot of people in their 30's with better jobs still live at home. Rent is expensive as hell. I'm 33 and still live at home, which is why I'm trying to find a higher paying job.
Ask your friend if she would go out with someone like that. I bet she wouldn't.
No. Absolutely not.
No. No. NO. Do you value your dignity at all? Do you have any self-worth? Are you this desperate for a relationship? I think you need to sit down and reflect hard on these questions.
Don't surround yourself with people who would settle for having garbage for a boyfriend, and are encouraging you to do so. You need better friends who have a clue and a bigger world-view, and you need to block and delete this useless man.
If you're lonely, then get out in the world and get involved in activities you find interesting. Make your world bigger. Seeking solace with a loser that is only going to bring you down is not a respite for loneliness, but a sure-fire recipe for it.
NO, every time I gave a guy a chance it ended badly. He was not what I wanted to begin with, but he was nice, so I felt bad for not giving a chance. I would just end up dissatisfied and disappointed. The fact will remain that he will never fit your standards. What's the point. By giving a chance you are showing him pity, who wants to be with a man out pity. Have your standards and stand by them.
He doesn't have money for a relationship But has money to travel for a stupid tattoo (i know the tattoo will be stupid) Sis, he's putting women and relationship below tattoo. I didn't even know that was possible
Lack of ambition, drive, social skills, maturity, ability to flirt, engage and compliment a woman, these are his issues, not yours. You don't have to deal with them. Nothing you said is picky. Wanting basic things is not picky.
You don't have to give this guy a chance if you don't want to, but I don't think he's interested in you romantically.
Never ever go back to an ex. They’re an ex for no reason. Block and delete. Go no contact
No, No, No. Do your friends even like you?
He sounds like a loser, definitely do NOT give him a chance at all!!!!
When you leave a man behind because of his actions then don’t give him a chance.