Should I even date?

I go back and forth on this myself. I also don’t want kids, and since I’m older that ship has sailed but ! I don’t want to be a stepmother . I refuse to see a man with children of any age.

It’s soooo hard to find a HVM. I was married to a scrote when I was younger, and naively believed I could find a HVM and live happily ever after post divorce.

Nope!

Instead , dating has harmed me more than helped me . I’ve only encountered moochers, narcissists, drunks, potheads , and men hung up on exes.

It’s easier to concentrate on my finances , health , and passions and travel.

…. And I own two vibrators .

That’s up to you…

I don’t want kids, but I date in hopes of finding a HV man who is committed (meaning he wants marriage in the next few years), and wants to lead a child-free lifestyle.

I understand your frustration. It’s so hard to find a decent guy these days.

I usually date guys who are usually within 1-5 years of my age. In addition, he has to have a traditional 9-5, and some kind of post graduate degree. I don’t date gamers, instead he has to be outdoorsy. Perks if he has a pet hahaha

I don’t think what I’ve listed is asking for too much. However, whenever I find just one guy that checks off what I want, there’s a myriad of problems that comes with him (e.g toxic, cheater, abusive, love bomber, narcissistic, self-conscious and ect…). In fact, it’s easier to find women who meet these criteria rather than men. As a result, I hangout with girls since most of them meet these criteria. We go on weekend hikes, meditation trips, and after work yoga/workout classes.

A very good question for the very good reasons you’ve pointed out. Like you said, the cons far outweigh the pros. I personally, am not interested in dating because of the very real, very scary cons you’ve mentioned as well as the many others that women face by getting involved with men.

I’d say that if you do want to date, you must have your wits about you. A man is a dangerous animal. You must be alert 24/7. If you’re ready to do so then you can date. I really do wish you all the best because men are a complete nightmare.

I don't want kids either, or "married life" really. What that has given me is less anxiety about having high standards. There's no timeline, and no other "life things" I'm missing out on by not having a partner. So it makes it easy to only entertain guys who can really add to my life (and provide better sex than I can provide myself lol).

No kids also gives me the ability to never worry about merging finances or moving in with a guy, or really being logistically entangled with him in any way. So the second I'm not enjoying it anymore, I can leave with very little friction. (And I've left all my previous relationships with a text and a disappear-into-the-night. My current partner has a healthy appreciation of this lol.)

So, no, you don't need to date. But not wanting kids does give you a bit a stronger dating position than you'd otherwise have, which you can take advantage of.

This is a personal decision for you to make. Sure, not dating will be going against the grain. But one of the greatest freedoms we have today is the power of choice.

Before my current partner found me, I was single for 3 years. I know it goes against the handbook, but I was never an active dater (seeing multiple men at once - not how I wanted to spend my time at all lol). I only accepted a handful of dates, the majority of which were earlier on in that time being single. Toward the end, I had accepted that I might not find someone and that I should focus on building a life I loved.

I think that's the best advice of all: Focus on building your life, a life that you love, and make a decision about dating when (or if) you're ready to share that with someone else.

I don't know if it's worth it, the men who approach me no matter what I do, wear or say, none of them interests me, they all feel my caring and motherly vibe and they think they can take advantage of that, I always believed it's my fault that I only attract scrotes but a hvm doesn't need a motherly girlfriend so I need to stop being motherly.

In your case I'd assume a partner would not really bring much to the table, atleast compared to the sheer amount things you'd risk when dating. Also one never 'should' date: they either want to date or not. You shouldn't feel obligated to date if deep down you feel like it's not your thing. At best it can be fun and bring excitement to your life, at worst you'd get assaulted and god knows what else. My point being, it's completely up to you.

Yes date, very selectively. A see of lv men makes it a challenge but there are still some men worth the effort.

Being single is fun. Plus even dating without any expectations will give you enough trauma/ drama for it all to not be worth it.

My mom will date around and have multiple boyfriends but even that drives her nuts because of the lying and mind games but she'll brag about getting free material items, she still hates it.

It's only worth it if they make it worth it, when you are not risking anything and coming out on top.

it's not worth it. i've reached that conclusion by thinking about all the risks x all the benefits, just like you seem to be doing. being solo is the way to go (at least until men get astronomically better human beings, which i doubt they will someday...)

I can relate. I've had one long-term boyfriend and honestly find it super difficult to imagine anyone being worth my time even though I dip my feet back into the dating pool every now and then. I would say that I'm good at noticing patterns before they really establish themselves and I really resent having to wait and find out that I correct... not even because of the emotions but the headspace. I hate these loser LVMs occupying my mind even for a short period of time and my tolerance is so low nowadays, I just can't help but 🙄 at 99% of the shit I hear leave a man's mouth when it comes to relationships.

...And yet, I haven't completely lost faith that there is a decent man out there. It is faith though and I'm agnostic hahaha 😆