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I started talking to a guy online and he happens to live closer to me. He seems to be on the sensitive side, he texts a lot, and I have the feeling that he really wants to get to know me.
BUT when I asked him about the reason why he broke up with his girlfriend (the relationship lasted about a year or so), he told me he didn't want his future child to have cleft lip and palate. Because his ex used to have it which was surgically corrected.
He said he doesn't want his child to be born sick. But ... I have an autoimmune disease so I wouldn't even know if my child would be born 100% healthy. And this for some reason made me feel bad for her but also made me feel bad about myself. Because it's something that I can't influence.
I started having this feeling that he would be the type of man who would probably leave his girlfriend/wife if she's gotten really sick.
Or am I reading too much into it?
Update: I texted him that I feel sorry for her and told him that I hope that she found someone who accepts her for who she is. :)
I don't want to talk to such men. Absolutely shallow.
Another update: I texted him, that it sounds like an excuse to me, that it seems rather shallow. I texted him, that who knows... maybe he has a genetic predisposition to a disease that he doesn't know anything about. And who knows if his children are going to be healthy with a healthy partner.
Then I blocked him. :)
I blocked him on whatsapp but forgot to block him on my phone altogether. He ended up sending me a text message calling me cruel and asked me how I could say something like that.
No, you're not! Where do I even start here? If the fact that he's blatantly shopping around for an incubator - and is tone-deaf enough to fucking tell you so before you even meet - isn't bad enough to give you the major ick, being that fucking insensitive and disrepectful about a previous partner who he knowingly chose to be with for a YEAR despite presumably being aware of the cleft palate situation definitely should. Also, I'd bet my life savings that that is not even the real reason they broke up. It sounds exactly like the sort of bullshit excuse avoidant and emotionally unavailable men are fond of trotting out.
Well done on cutting him off.
I'll bet the cleft lip was not the real reason he broke up with her. Everyone knows cleft lips can be repaired relatively easily via surgery. He just wasn't that into her and did not tell you the truth of why he dumped her.
It's not so much his shallowness but his dishonesty that bothers me. If you'd kept talking to him, you would have had to deal with a mountain of lies and gaslighting.
Dude is ignorant AF, cleft palettes aren't inheritable.
Autoimmune conditions are incredibly common, and the chances of yours being passed on to your children would be variable.
I completely support women who actively want children being picky about their partner's medical and family history...but men? No.
imo men shouldn't even get to make the 'decision' to have children, because it disproportionately does not affect them. The decision to have children should be the woman's, alone. If the man does not want kids, he should not be with a woman who wants them.
Go with your gut girl.
Cleft palate is mainly cosmetic, to my understanding. Some celebrities have even had them repaired when they were young. So he might as well have said he broke up with her because he thought her nose was too big. So horrifyingly shallow. Run, run run!
Ugh. Trash! I feel sorry for his ex-gf. I bet he was low-key negging her for the entire relationship. I know a man like this (would string a woman along for a while but ultimately reject her for some superficial reason) and he is very good at the underhanded negging. I bet this guy was the exact same way.
Definitely cut him off. That’s a major red flag and he is so shallow. I find kids with a cleft palate with/out surgery to be so beautiful and unique.
Even if this was a lie, the fact that it came out of his mouth says a lot. If thats the only reason and everything else was good, he doesn't view women as individual human beings he wants a genuine connection with. He sees them as a tool he can get utility out of, ie. healthy offspring.
This can sound wrong in text so I just want to clarify you are most definetly worthy and it's more about analyzing his psychology: but I wonder what made you feel he wanted to get to know YOU, like really understand and care for you as an individual?
What a stupid reason to break up. Red flag.
"who knows... maybe he has a genetic predisposition to a disease that he doesn't know anything about. He ended up sending me a text message calling me cruel and asked me how I could say something like that."
Oh, the irony.
If you have to ask....then you know your answer.
That was definitetly an excuse. I could be wrong, but I dont think cleft lips or cleft palates are inherited that way. So he could also be very stupid. If that was the real reason the relationship ended, that would be a very bad reason. It would mean that he's stupid and that he cant even begin to fathom all the variables involved inhaving and raising healthy children.
But seeing as how thats an excuse, the real reason the relationship ended is even worse. Congrats on a beautifully executed block'n'delete. You deserve it, queen
I am epileptic and he is my worse nightmare. I have met guys like this, and one of them told me that I was perfect except for my medical condition and offered to have a fwb as consolation. Lol
You did good 👏👏