She got over the guy, but she can't get over the other women in his life. Why?

Imo, it just feels like pickme conditioning to get women to constantly feel like they are never good enough, to get women to hate themselves, and to get women into this cycle of findings ways to change themselves for a man. At least, that's what my experience was like with this back in my pickme days.

I always felt like in order to "earn" my lvm/zvm exe's love and loyalty, I had to be like the girls they constantly talked about it in a positive light. This wasn't even just me assuming. They would legit say to me "I wish you were more like [her name]. She's soooo much better than you for xyz reasons" or "you're nothing like [her]!" Even after the relationship ended, they had this way of making me feel like I had "failed" and would "never find love" if I didn't behave the way the other women in their lives did. However, copying those women only made myself even more of an unhappy pickme because I didn't enjoy not being true to myself.

I'm so thankful to have found FDS because it taught me to get out of this toxic self-hating mindset.

Edit: wanted to add that I know now to never put up with that and instantly block and delete anyone who makes me feel like I'm not good enough as I am. I get that people should be able to give constructive criticism to help you better yourself, but doing it in a rude/belittling and damaging way (like the triangulation my exes utilized against me) is NOT it.

PickMeitis is a near fatal disease for a lot of women. They think of they can become like the other woman, they can be more attractive to that man. But what you're really doing is trying to make yourself more attractive to a predator. Imagine a gazelle prancing around looking at the other gazelles who got eaten by the lions as the model of what a gazelle should be? Well, you should look to the gazelles who got away. The women who got away are the lucky ones--not the women who were chosen to be used and drained by the male. She's not better than you. She just puts up with more of his shit.

I learned to feel sorry for them for not knowing better than to continue working to impress a man who isn't worth it. Therefore allowing him to continue using these women.

My abusive ex admitted to a couple of things that led me to this.

One, his last ex had holes all over the walls of the house she owned and that he had mooched off her to live in, holes he had punched in her walls because of his temper. I found this out very late in relationship when I helped him move something he had left at her house a couple years (yes I know I was a massive, massive 🤡 at the time)He broke stuff of mine too and it was hard to kick him out but I was proud of myself for having done it. He still had a hold on her the time we were together but I found out pretty late. One time when he ordered food for us, I noticed a different name he was putting in for the credit card charge. He was still charging her for food he ordered for us! I asked him about it and he said "oh she's spoiled and wealthy, she won't notice" it did not sit right with me at all. I would have informed her but I got into his phone and saw how they were talking about how crazy I was for being jealous about him coming back there often to walk the dogs they had owned together.

Other one was a woman who he told me was an ex who had never gotten over him and was chasing him once he announced on Facebook that we were together; he asked me what he should do about her messages and I told him I didn't see why to stay in touch with an ex who you don't have kids with or anything. He said he had told her to leave him alone.

Found out later they had lots of conversations about me being crazy jealous and controlling. He had talked to her the whole almost 4 years we were together. One message I found from her that was particularly sad to me was her asking him if he had just used her for sex.

Towards the end of our relationship, when I had seen these messages and all the deceit, he told me I should not be worried about the ex with the dogs-a time I complained about him being in contact with her still-and he said that I should have been more concerned about the second one because "I only talk to her because I figure I can at least have sex with her again if I want to"

This is why I feel bad for the exes he triangulated me with, even though it caused me a lot of distress.

Lvm will still be lv even if it seems like they are not to other women. There are always, always hidden motives. His with one was her money, and with the other it was the chance he could use her for sex again. Im just glad to be out of that mess and never putting up with a guy who is in contact with exes(without kids) again.