Seeking positivity! To happily partnered women - what special things does your HVM do for you?

Not me personally, but a story I personally witnessed that moves me so much: A dear, elderly neighbor of mine lost her husband a few years ago (he was really HV and they loved each other very much as far as I can tell from her stories).

He passed away a few weeks before her birthday, so imagine her surprise when a beautiful bouquet of her favorite flowers with a handwritten card by him was delivered by a florist on her birthday. He had obviously ordered them for her before he had died. But that's not all: since then, flowers and little gifts with cards written by him have arrived for every Christmas and birthday. The man knew he was going to die (he had terminal cancer) and he wrote all those cards and set up the delivery of flowers and gifts with local business for years in advance. That's love and making an effort beyond death, ladies.

I've published a book in my first language which my guy doesn't speak. Our shared language is English but I didn't get to translate my book yet, so he got a DeepL premium membership to translate every chapter into his first language, although it's far from his preferred genre. It's over 200k words and he loves discussing his thoughts on every chapter with me. I run a tiktok account for book promotion and he started an account just so he could like and share my videos and upload funny sketches himself to help promote. He also supports every project I'm involved in and takes physical work off my shoulders whenever he can. That's just a few of the many things he does and I feel blessed to have him.

In addition to all the expected green flags, my HVM has these little extra green flags that I love:

• Being the King of Gratitude: he thanks me every time we're together. Sometimes he'll thank me for letting him be in my presence 😂. He's very sweet and our greetings/farewells are often the highlights of my day and always include a lot of gratitude;

• Whenever people ask how long we've been together, without hesitation he responds immediately with the year, month AND day (as a joke he'll even include the hour). He's been doing this for years and never lost count;

• Even at my most unflattering state, I never look/smell bad to him. Even after a sweaty gym session he insists I smell like roses 😂 and finds all my quirky unphotogenic faces very cute and beautiful;

• When he's with my family he'll secretly try pay the entire bill (he'll politely excuse himself to "go to the bathroom"). I love this because my Dad does the same tactic with others and my family are very generous givers that rarely get the same nice treatment in return.

Not sure why the downvotes! He's a well-vetted HVM and I'm just answering the post 🤷‍♀️.

My guy does all the cooking and the majority of the cleaning in our relationship. I occasionally help with dishes and wiping down counters, or grabbing an appliance out of a cabinet for him.

-I am vegan and my partner is not; he cooks exclusively vegan meals when I am with him, and has modified many of his recipes to work with vegan ingredients. Every day we’re together, all I have to do is dream up something I want to eat and he will make it happen, or take me out to eat if that’s what I want or if he doesn’t feel like cooking. My culinary dreams can be wild and have many steps but he is excited to take on the challenge. (He also comes up with many delicious meals without my input, so this mental load is not entirely on me.)

-When he is grilling with friends and cooking for me, he ensures the grill is cleaned and that my food is cooked first, so as to avoid any cross-contamination with animal products.

When I am sick, he drives across town to bring me food and medicine.

-He will drive across town to my home if I need help with something related to the house or yard, even if I’m not home and he’s not certain he can fix the problem.

-He helped me set up my irrigation system in my backyard so I didn’t need to spend so much time watering the garden during the heat of summer. He donated about half the materials to me, and did almost all of the physical labor to set it up for me.

-He takes me on trips where he pays for the flights and then also pays for the transportation and the food costs. I will pay here and there for things within my budget, such as getting a lunch or coffee trip, but this is more of a gesture than a cost thing for him.

-He does all of the driving because he knows I am anxious when driving, and he is a very careful and calm driver - no road rage, no speeding, no putting me at unnecessary risk.

-He respects my boundaries in regards to his friends and acquaintances- he knows that I will stand up for myself and what I believe in, and makes sure to tell me that he supports me in speaking up if his peers are acting foolish.

-He makes me delicious homemade snacks late at night when I’m drunk - such as homemade vegan biscuits, extensive snack plates with perfectly peeled and sliced fruit, etc. because he loves feeding me and making me happy.

-He compliments me frequently, in very genuine ways and with variation (he doesn’t default to using the same basic compliment every time, and avoids using vulgar language as a compliment).

-He grows plants that he knows I like, in my preferred colors if they are flowering plants, and including my preferred fruits even when he doesn’t enjoy them himself (he has a gigantic raspberry patch despite not eating raspberries himself, and he makes me jam and desserts using the fruit).

-He planted an almond tree with the idea that someday it will make enough almonds that he can make almond milk for me, with his homegrown almonds.

-He makes sure his home is always presentable for me, including fresh bedding and blankets, floor vacuumed, etc. if I’ve ever mentioned a mild annoyance he is sure to avoid it (I dislike feeling dirt stick to my feet when walking around the home, so he always vacuums and got me slippers for his house as well; I told a story of an ex who didn’t wash his bedding enough and it made me itchy, so he always puts on clean sheets when I come stay overnight).

-His ‘lounge clothes’ are for the home ONLY. He never wears sweatpants out of the house and will always match my effort when going out together- he wants to ensure that we look good together and that he doesn’t look sloppy in any way.

-He works in apartment maintenance/management, so he is often very dirty during his workday, but he does not allow this to bleed into his life outside of work.

He keeps hand cream in his truck and his home (and lip balm) to ensure that his hands don’t get too callused, dry, and crusty. He did this before me but has really amped up his efforts after we started dating, because he saw how much effort I put in to having nice skin and he wanted to match that effort.

There’s more for sure, but these are some of the ways he shows his effort. Some of them may seem small but it is the continuous effort to maintain my standards which is valuable to me. Small daily efforts add up, and represent the life you have together if you choose to move forward in relationship with a man.

My x got me back into school which helped me get a much better job so I could live on my own. He helped me with the admission essay, organized the application and financial aid, and submitted it for me. My entire life is permanently improved from this.