Sad pickmeisha

Absolutely stop dating until you're back on your feet. Right now you should be focused on building up friendships and a strong support network of women. Trying to date rn will just distract you from this (men in general are just distracting). You absolutely have a lot to contribute- look for local women's shelters in your area, making an impact in your area by helping DV victims is just as impactful- and you will meet some great people.

If I've listened and learned anything from these posts, you want to better yourself before getting back into the dating world. You want to avoid falling into the same situations as before. I am still learning myself and I've finally given up Dating apps. If a senior FDS person has time to talk and issue guidance, I would appreciate it also. ❤️

Aww- I have vaginismus too (though it's not a fear response, I hate how many complications women face are labeled at psychological (essentially putting the blame on the woman) and then ignored, when there can be genuine underlying issues). PIV is not the end all be all, if a man will only have PIV sex with you when he know it will be painful for you, he is a rapey bitch who belongs to the streets. There are many ways to have sex without penetration, the right man will want to do what doesn't cause you pain. Second, don't date if you're a pickme. Get your priorities in order. Gain more female friends who can be your queen squad or whatever they call, who will act as your support network. Get through therapy when until you can love yourself and are okay with being alone. Remember, if you feel like you need a man, you shouldn't get one. What makes a pickme unsympathetic is when they know what they are doing isn't beneficial to them, yet do it anyway- knock it off and have some self respect.

Give up dating Actually date yourself. Improving yourself and learning to love you for you is the hardest shit that you will probably go through. Learning to love each and every part of you even the things you hate, is a challenge. But in the end it is so worth it. No man will ever equal to the love and work you put in yourself. It’s hard, I know it is because I did it. I was to the point in a relationship that I almost ended myself. But I found FDS and it saved my life no joke. I looked at my self in the mirror and said we are doing this and we are going to win it god dammit. Im on meds as well and it helped tremendously Some of my family tried to shame me for it but they are not the one living in my body. I am sorry you are struggling but know there are people on here that love and support you. Also forgive yourself for tripping, we’ve all been there. The important thing is that you get up, dust yourself off, and keep going

We’ve all been there. It can be hard to train your brain out of craving male validation, but incredibly worth it. Focus on yourself for now: what makes you happy when you’re on your own, what makes you happy when you’re with friends, and eventually start thinking about what you really want in a relationship. Don’t feel bad for slipping—we all do

Lots of great comments below on this thread. And yes, definitely give up dating for the time being.

For tangible next steps, I'd start with:

- taking yourself out to eat alone (this is a huge confidence boost the first time you do it, if you haven't already) and get in the habit of it

- develop a fitness plan (it could be walking around your neighbourhood for 15 min a day. Make it simple and manageable so you can do it everyday and feel the confidence of success. You can build on it as you get in the routine and see what works for you)

- seek out supportive communities online for folks with Aspergers

- continue going to therapy and stay on your meds

- research any rape crisis or DV shelters you could volunteer with. They don't have to be local, you could offer telephone or online support

- go on meetup.com or something in your area to see what local women's groups are out there for you

- try out new hobbies or interests you're curious about

- if applicable, update your resume. It can feel good to look at all you've accomplished since the last time you did.

Hope this helps

I literally just had to google anhedonic. Really didn’t know there was a word for circumstantial sadness. I’m so sorry. You must have suffered a great deal. I really want to reiterate that although it may seem gloomy right now, and that you’re despondent, you are doing all the right things and asking all the right questions. Apart from the stuff having to do with men. Take control. Thoroughly rid yourself of male attempts. Purposely and intentionally. Delete apps, do not go out with the purpose of attracting males, HV or not. Give your a period to experience life without male romantic attention. Maybe a month maybe 6. I did this for one year because it literally felt like a balm to my soul. Only joined an app about 2wks ago. My self esteem is even higher and I feel clearer eyed. Although I’d read the handbook a year ago, I’d kept having poor experiences until I took time off. I realized I’d never lived without male attention since I was a prepubescent child- from scrotey pedophiles giving me attention (no worries, wasn’t abused), to boys my age, then men etc. i completely cleared my roster. Wasn’t talking to anyone. And i felt a freedom I hadn’t ever felt. I think you need love and friendship. And warm platonic love from women is the best kind. Please heed the advice above. Curate hv activities since it’s clear you have a passion for helping others. Please don’t be desperate, even for female friendships or you won’t attract tge best people. Please vet, take your time to build the right friendships and circle. Don’t just let anyone in because you think you’re down in the dumps. Take an extended break from men. FDS principles also need time to settle into the psyche. Remember you’re battling a lifetime of socialization. Please. Please. Please. Do not be ashamed. Forgive yourself. Talk to your self like the loving friend you deserve. Identify the trigger for self destructive behaviors. Learn to self soothe. There’s light at the end of the rainbow. One day you’ll wake up and your life will be unrecognizable in a really good way. Stay the course. All the best. Rooting for you❤️

May I know your age?

*rid yourself of male attention