.png)
I just turned 26. I am a member returning after 1 year, reverting back to my pick-me ways and I need help. I’ve been have daily panic attacks.
A lot of my relatives are telling me that if I don’t search now all of the eligible bachelors will be taken by the time I’m 27-28. After 30 there will be nothing but slim pickings. My eggs will be dried up and ill be unwanted and undesirable. I had one relative tell me this on my birthday and it ruined my day. That same relative (who is single and never got married) told me that my mom married an abusive man because she got married too late and she married a leftover man, all the good choices were gone. WHAT?!
I keep seeing old classmates getting engaged and married and it’s hurting bad. I’ve always been single. I am a virgin. my career is not established yet so the earliest I can look for a man is when I am 27. My confidence is low too so I need to work on that. I told myself that if I’m single by 30 I’ll freeze my eggs.
Im not looking for a model, I’m not looking for a millionaire either. But a man who is kind, gentle, understanding and hardworking. I told myself that I’d rather be single than marry someone who abuses me or hurts me (like my dad) but I’m still in panic mode. I see many articles saying you should have kids before 30 because your fertility drops and it scared me because I’ll likely get married and have kids after 30.
is it still possible for me to find someone if I wait another year or two? Can I still have kids after 32-35? Thank you.
Get off the internet, get off social media. Work on yourself, inside and out. If therapy is an option, go for it. Establish your career, look for a good mentor. I'd suggest distancing from your relatives for a while too, if that's a possibility.. Family should support you, not neg you like that - that goes for anyone around you. Do all of the above and I'll be looking forward to your post in a year - hell, even 6 months. Women are extraordinary beings capable of extraordinary things. Please don't waste your potential on shitty men, just to be married until you're 28.
My sister had her first child when she was 31. I had my second at 30, another friend had her first at 35, another in her late 30s.
All that fertility decline crap is scare tactics to make women settle for shitty men. Your relatives are being abusive and mean to you.
Please stop reading that redpill/manosphere BS... Men saying that you dry up after 30 is cope. Some men literally lose all their hair by 30 or earlier.
I view it like there are very few high quality men in any age bracket. I have been dating in my early twenties, and there are still very, very few men I would consider being in a relationship with. If the odds are low to begin with, they're not going to get much lower as you get older. Your time is better spent healing your wounds and waiting to date until you're ready.
The relatives pressuring you to settle down won't help you when you marry an abuser. They'll throw you to the wolves because it was your "choice". Ignore them.
Get new friends that are single. What you surround yourself with is your reality. Find people with goals that stretch beyond being a child bride.
There isn't a flood of eligible bachelors now that you're missing out on. They don't exist and it won't be worse in 5 years. It'll be the exact same, except you'll be changed. You'll be mature, confident and independent.
You're at that age when weddings and babies start to appear on your social media timeline. I never actually wanted to marry and have kids, but when the social media deluge started before my 30th birthday, I found myself affected by it - feeling very desperate all of a sudden. It was unnatural for me, so I stopped following any social media feeds that had my "friends'" lives blasted on them.
I said to myself - I'll come back when you're all 40, to see the "happy divorce" posts.
Anyway - I also think that a lot of my acquaintances married because they were facing the same pressure. My ex told me his reason to get married was "he didn't want to be alone." A really smart, pretty acquaintance married another of my exes who was a totally toxic piece of shit who I spent maybe a week with because he was too shitty even for my pickme phase.
How many women ruin their lives because of the pressure and throw their best years away on boring, toxic, violent, perverted men? Way too many. You have a chance to not be one of them.
How many of these women that nag you to marry ASAP are in healthy, satisfying, happy marriages with a good man? I noticed most of women who push you to settle have settled themselves and are miserable with bad husbands.
One of my family members started having kids at 40. She has 6 children.
One of my good friends heard this all of her 20's from her family too. After she turned 31 they gave up and went silent. Her career sucked too. She had a lot of education and shit work. At 31 she got a nice job. At 32 she met a nice man 6 years younger than her. At 33 she got married to him. At 34 she had her first child. 20 years later they have 2 lovely kids & are still married. She had breast cancer a few years ago and he stuck with her. I think he's proving to be okay. She had terrible boyfriends before him but like you was a virgin for a long time. She didn't have many boyfriends when she finally had some.
Honestly, most women aren't even ready to identify a good man until she's 28. Ignore your family. Make very short visits with them so you can listen to less of that shit. BTW there are more men than women. Most of them are trash. You will never run out of options good and bad. 30 is young, but if you get worried, save some eggs while you are younger, before 30.
Women can get pregnant well into their late fifties. All this fertility talk is amplified in order to make us settle for less.
Married at 26, divorced at 27. Do not ever settle. Loneliness, baby fever, nothing comes close to feeling as bad as unsatisfying marriage. Singledom >>>>>> bad marriage. Your body and your soul will decay with a wrong man. Even if it's not abusive.
The good news: you can dismiss your concerns about your fertility. Based on what I’ve seen, plenty of women have children after age 35, with or without IVF, and fertility does not seem to drop off until after age 40.
The bad news: your concerns about finding an HVM are legitimate. Based on what I‘ve seen in various cities across the U.S., the quantity and quality of age-appropriate single men plummet after you turn 35. I do not like what I have observed, but it seems to be the harsh reality. To answer your question, yes, you can find an HVM in the next year or two. The quality of single men between ages 30 and 35 is no worse than that of single men under age 30.
Try not to panic. If I were you, I would focus on looking for an HVM now (or soon), and hopefully, by the time you’re 32-35, you‘ll be in a happy marriage and ready for children.
Are your relatives happy with their husbands? Or do they want you to be just as miserable as them?
If you are Asian, statistically we have 170 million extra males born in your age group. Quit the internet, buckle up and act now! Your guide has been documented very well on this forum.
I’m 29. The quality of guys I’m dating are way way way way way way way way higher than when I was in my early to mid 20s. Like my dad tried telling me the same thing too but literally only ugly broke losers wanted me in my 20s because I’m was still a struggling student. Now I have a career. I’m established. I attract men at my level. It’s not a joke I’m not saying this to make anyone feel better but there’s no way I’d ever want to date the kind of guys I used to when I was younger with what I pull now.