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Do not try to correct a man's behaviour when he asks you on a coffee/walk/drink date. He looked at you and/or interacted with you and decided
1) He doesn't like you enough to impress you and
2) You are not worth the bare minimum of a dinner date.
A man who really likes you will NEVER ask you out on a drink date or coffee date. This is also an indication of stinginess, laziness and/or being broke. It's also a tell tale sign that he dates & sleeps around a lot, so you are a possible addition to his rotational harem of women. Only LVM will ask you out on such low effort dates. A man who really likes you will want to impress you. He'll go all out. Ask yourself if any man would ask his dream girl out on a coffee date and then split the bill with her? Absolutely not.
Short story time: In 2021, An ex-male friend ( I got rid of all straight male friends) who works a 6 figure job told me off for expecting guys to pay for dinner dates. He said he would never ask a girl out to dinner unless he really really liked her and he prefers to split drink dates on the first date because he can't afford to take so many women out to dinner as he sometimes had 3-5 dates per week. I was horrified and responded him, "well then my vetting methods definitely work because they IMMEDIATELY filter out men like you. I don't want to be in any man's rotational harem of women." He was so upset at my response 🤣
You are NOT responsible for correcting a man's behaviour or teaching how to treat you. I'm pretty sure managing your own emotions is effing hard enough. Ladies, ask yourself, whenever you gave a guy who asked you out on a drink/coffee/walk date a chance to correct his behaviour/low effort, did it worked out in your favour? Did he ever turn out to be HV and did things work out long term? Or did he put on a mask for a while and then eventually let it slip? Perhaps you can convince a LVM to put on a mask for a while but overall, you can't convince a LVM to be HVM. The first indication that a man is LVM is a man who asks you out on a coffee, walk to drink date. I know 3 HVM, and they would laugh at the idea of taking a woman out to coffee/drink/walk as date, and think it's absolutely ridiculous. Infact these men don't even drink. They still take their wives to nice dinners and thoughtful fun activities after dinner despite being married for years. One is taking his wife on a trip to France and Italy this summer. The common denominator between all their wives is high standards and self love. All three women also gave me the same advice: marry a man who loves you more than you love them and be willing to leave at the first sign of disrespect and leave immediately because if you can't leave at the drop of a hat then you're too dependent on a man and his validation, therefore you don't have enough self love and respect.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR7uQe33/
This video is a good watch, as the creator articulates the situation well. However, I respectfully disagree with the part at the end where she suggests asserting a boundary to correct a man's behaviour to get him to ask you to dinner instead. If he wanted to he would and if he really liked you, he would want to impress you.
"If he wanted to, he would" right there. He would do it for his dream girl, just not for his rotation of random women he wants to fuck while investing the lowest effort possible. He didn't say "I would never ask a girl out for dinner." He said "these women I'm dating are not worth it to me".
Funny how it never occurs to men like this to only go out with the one specific woman they "really like" and then pulling out all stops to impress her and win her over. Instead they waste their time meeting with pretty much every random woman they would consider fucking if given the chance (which is pretty much everyone). They don't see us as people or individuals, just easily replaceable holes to stick their dick in. Dating for them is not about "finding the one" or "winning over Jane, who is so great and who I like so much". It's about getting to stick their dick in someone with the least effort possible, the person attached to the hole literally doesn't matter . That's the result of casual sex being so easily available. These men have stopped vetting and caring about building relationships with individual, specific women entirely.
If a man complains about the cost of dating he is either too broke to date (which means he shouldn't date anyone until his financial situation is better) or dating too many random people at the same time. Usually it's a mix of both plus the usual male entitlement making them think that they deserve everything (including a woman's time, attention and access to her vagina) for zero effort and investment.
I lovw how mad men get when they realize they are the type of man we’re trying to weed out 🤣 “Well, I would never buy dinner for a date”—exactly, you stingy motherfucker, you’re exactly the man I’m trying to avoid!
I've shouted this from the rooftops (figuratively) for the past 10 years:
When a man in the U.S. asks you out for coffee on the first date, HE HAS ALREADY DISRESPECTED YOU.
Coffee date = disrespect. It really is that simple. This should be common knowledge for all women in the U.S. by now. Unfortunately, it's not.
just had a loser ask me out on all 3.
"let me take you out for coffee" "i don't do coffee dates."
"what about drinks?" "not drinking right now."
"let's take a walk?" scrote, bye. unmatched.
“ WHEN MEN HAVE NOTHING
THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY “📢📢📢
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
He told on himself right there. "I won't pay for a dinner date unless I really like her," in other words, coffee or walk dates mean he doesn't care about you.
The effort he does to impress you reflects your marriage with him. If he's cheap and self serving now then don't whine when he's forgetting your birthday on purpose and just spend his money on himself in marriage.
This! Yes I had this conversation with a male friend who also makes over 6 figures. SAME answer… I said well that’s kinda my point. We had gone out shortly a couple years ago, it didn’t work out, anyway I asked him why did you take me out to dinner for a first date? You were worth it 😂 OMG exactly. Also the dinner is bare minimum, this guy was still LVM (he was blocked but got a new number a year later, yeah writing this I realize even being friends is probably not good). Nonetheless this post is so true!
A few years ago, I once had a guy ask me for a walk and coffee date and I didn’t respond. Then he followed up telling me he had box tickets to a football game. I was intrigued and said yes 😂
But then the way he spent money on the date, it was too much. Like box seats at a game have plenty of tasty food, beer, wine, water, anything you could want. So I went for the appetizers and he told me to not eat too much because he was planning to take me to dinner (which he did). So then I decided to grab a beer and relax but then he insisted on buying me a tap beer from the bar. It was really weird because he was overcompensating and unnecessarily spending money after being super cheap with the first offer.
Then I engaged in small talk to get to know him and was treated to a nice story about how his last relationship was failing so they went to couples therapy, and then he ended up fucking the therapist. 😔
there was no second date
I do agree they're for broke guys mostly still trying to get some. But I've had coffee date guys I've rejected who seemed to fall in love and get obsessed with me 😂 I agree dinner should be bare minimum effort..but just keep in mind the type of date doesn't matter when it comes to chemistry or falling for someone! You could even fall in love on a library date lmao..I know it's sad but we can't help who we fall for right?