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Edited to shorten and clarify:
*Had a relationship for under 6 months
*It was good until it wasn't
*He seemed resentful about not being 50/50 despite initial talks
*Friend tells me maybe I should go 50/50 on at least the first few dates to signal "nobody owes anybody anything" then he can choose whether or not to pursue me and pay for dates from there . And maybe I can prevent getting so emotionally invested, and he will be less bitter about spending anything on me
*i was left reeling. I find myself blaming myself for everything that went wrong, even though everyone said he was the one who hurt me
*I'm mad at myself fornit leaving at the first one or two red flags (my therapist didn't help and made excuses; he had some real challenges but it didn't excuse how he treated me)
Update: *these responses have helped a lot. Thank you all
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The man that 'gets resentful' is the scrote! You don't want that. He will resent you even if you pay 50/50. Even if you pay 100%. Even if you fly to the moon and back for him. This is not a genuinely generous man. Re-read the handbook. I get you are hurting and need some time to heal. Don't believe the bs.
Just No. And typical pick me therapist behaviour. Makes sense you are confused.
This guy has hit at your self esteem. Chin up, Queen. Stand tall. Straighten your crown. That shit has NOTHING to do with you. all his small minded ish.
" He needed me to be a "bad guy" to break up with me I guess, but he wouldn't come out and say he wanted to breakup until weeks later. " <- Been there. passive aggressive immature BS. Let it go, let it all go. This is toxic. You want a quality MAN, not a petty, weak, spineless man-child. The fact that this is over is a blessing for you now. Be glad it was only 5 months. Take the good, and forget the rest and let it go. This thing was nto worthy of you.
You never owe men anything no matter how much he spends on you because he CHOSE to spend his money on you. And even then, you need to remember that you aren't an object that he can get property rights to after he spends X amount of money on you. You ALWAYS have the right to walk away at any time and remain guilt free. If he doesn't want to spend money or he gets bitter over it, he shouldn't date because he's clearly too broke for it and would suck at being a provider anyways. Please don't let this scrote or anyone gaslight you into thinking you otherwise.
Never go 50/50, especially on the first few dates!!! You're in a vulnerable position and it's easy to fall into the trap of doubting yourself or your standards, but don't. There are true HVM out there who won't allow you to even think about paying on dates. Before FDS, I'd reach for my wallet maybe on the third date or after, and have been told by these men to stop, that they would always cover the bill, and it's what makes them feel like men. 50/50 men are not HV. They don't care about being providers. Your ex just let the mask fall. Be thankful you caught onto it when you did.
Dump your friend. What horrible advice is this? Doesn't matter how terrible men are (most of them are!) we never compromise our standards for them. Men neither appreciate nor respect a doormat so don't do that 50-50 shit because you'll just have the exact same man except more entitled. You have no idea what your exes problem was. Maybe he was a limp dick. Maybe he had debts. Maybe his ex was in town. There is NO point worrying about him. At this point your focus should be on healing and leveling up yourself and maintaing your high standards and that includes leveling up your friends. Don't encourage low value friends to detail you just because they don't believe in better for themselves. Go re read the handbook and listen to the new podcast! The hosts did an episode on leveling up female friendships.
Get new friends
I pay for boyfriends at times. Not for dates.
Going 50/50 does not signal to the man that she doesn't owe him anything. Quite the contrary. In his mind, he will still expect things because now he didn't lose any money.