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I'm engaged to a man who seems great (so far) and we're getting married in January. I am really interested in the idea of premarital counseling but I have some questions.
1. Is it necessary if you've been vetting all the way through the relationship?
2. Is it usually a programme / curriculum that you work through, or do you have to come with your own ideas of what you want to get out of it?
3. How do you go about finding a counselor with feminist principles?
4. It seems like many are quite religious. Is this just a religious thing?
We are a Jewish couple living in a European country where we are not fluent in the languge so we would prefer online counseling with a native English speaker, either secular or Jewish. I'd love to hear any personal experiences, good or bad, especially with online sessions. I would also be extremely grateful for a recommendation of a counselor to look up.
Religious people are usually the ones getting married or who actually care about making sure the union lasts (instead of saying "oh well we can just get a divorce"). You could probably find a secular one if you want. But I think a Jewish one would be fine. A lot of men have trouble lying to another man when they can lie with no blinking to a woman. The premarital counseling might bring up questions you hadn't asked him yet and other important things.
Is it possible to do counselling with both a female and a male with similar values?
Some religions require it. For ex: if you get married in a Catholic church they require pre-marital counseling. On the one hand, this seems like a no-brainer. Unfortunately, the "counselors" will almost without question be misogynists - and a lot of the time counseling just gives me a more sophisticated vocabulary with which to gaslight and deflect. Tread carefully.