Hey ladies. I know this has been touched on a million times. I started dating a guy who told me he watches porn and I told him this is a red flag for me and also explained to him the neuroscience and how it effects relationships and how he views me, women, etc. I’m still in the vetting stages and he’s very serious about me and getting a chance. He told me he would stop and that this is more important to him. How realistic is that? I feel he’s genuine and serious about it because he knows a real connection is much more important than beating off to randos. I don’t know y’all. I’m still very much weary and don’t want this to resurface if I do give him a chance.
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Nope nope. The part where you say you feel "he's genuine and serious about it because he knows a real connection is much better than beating off to randos." That's you. You're projecting your beliefs onto him. If he knew that, you wouldn't be having the conversation. You're vetting him and he's falling short of a boundary and a standard you have.
Don't make excuses or project your morals onto him. He clearly doesn't have the same morals.
Tell him to call you when he's dropped the habit for more than 6 months and go date somebody who meets your standards.
Porn use operates as an addiction and many men (even men who WANT to) struggle to give it up. You don't need an addict in your life. You keep dating this fool and you'll be back here in a few months with same struggles. Not a fun future.
Read the manual, have some self respect. You told him and explained in great detail how to lie to you better. Don't forget to cOmMunIcaTe when you catch him wanking to raped children or he starts strangulating you during sex 🙄
No man of any value would ever even utter those words in front of a woman. If he had any integrity, you could not WATERBOARD that information out of him.
The fact that he has volunteered this information like it's "no big deal" should send you away screaming.
I suspect this may be him testing the waters to see what you'll tolerate. It starts with porn and escalates to threesomes and BDSM. This is already making you hesitant and if you keep going, your relationship will now be built on one of compromise and distrust. Your compromise. Next!
Well, if he knew that he was trying to get into a relationship and he didn't try to stop porn BEFORE that, then I wonder how important this issue really is to him.
This is why you shouldn’t explain your standards or why things are red flags.
They will always make promises and beg for more chances but they never change.
When he dates the next woman he will probably not mention porn use now. He knows that many women see it as a red flag.
Don’t give chances. Don’t tell them why you’re not interested.
BLOCK AND DELETE
I don’t have much to add to all of the wise comments before me but wanted to encourage you once more to realise that you deserve good sex. You’re already playing therapy with a man who doesn’t even bring one of the fundamentals. Besides you, there’s no one who can decide (with consequence) that you are too valuable to date a project (a floppy one, if not violent and traumatising). There are other men out there whose minds and bodies are capable of pleasing you.
It will resurface.
It's so easy to just read erotoca, but they get off to the abuse/trafficking component.
First: we do not educate men. You just made him more capable of tricking the next woman. Why would you tell him that porn is a red flag?
Second: he’s a pornsick LV scrote. Block and delete. No explanation.
Third: re-read the handbook and do a search for “porn” on this site. You’ll find the same good advice there as the queens here are giving you in the comments.