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3 weeks ago I found out my boyfriend has been secretly texting his ex fwb. He lied to me and said he hasn't been talking to her. He is also trying to use the loophole that he was messaging her in a group chat so it shouldn't be a big deal. He put the messages on mute so they wouldn't pop up.
I only found out because I went through his phone. Most of the messages are her posting in the group about her problems and seeking emotional support, which he gave to her.
He also messaged her twice on Instagram saying he misses her dog.
Apparently he has been lying to me about this since June.
A girl who I thought was one of my closest friends who is also friends with him told me I am "over fixating on this" and my therapist is "enabling me". That was also a huge blow as I thought she was my friend. I didn't realize she was a huge pick me. It made me really sad to hear her say that.
Please don't shame me or be mean to me. I feel ashamed already that I haven't dumped him yet.
Part of me thinks I'm "over reacting" 🙄 or that because it was in a group chat or that it wasn't romantic/sexual messages it's not so bad. But I know that it's not acceptable and regardless, he lied to me for 3 months.
Please can you guys get through to me somehow :( why do I expect more for myself but I can't actually follow through?
Update:
hi everyone, thank you to those who liked the post and/or commented. I don't know if it notifies you on this app when someone edits a post, but I wanted to provide an update. I broke up with him today over text and blocked his number. This is big for me. This is actually the first or second time that I broke up with someone where I didn't have a new crush or love interest to focus on.
This isn't the first time I decided I wanted more for myself, but it is the easiest. Not easy, but easier than the times in the past.
Thank you so much for your comments and your presence on this forum. You inspire me to want more for myself and my future daughters, and to level up every day.
I want this to be an example that I'm not just coming on this sub to complain and stay with my man regardless of what everyone says. I am strong and I can put these principles into action to better my life and raise women's standards everywhere 💕
Break up with him.
He's a liar. Dump him. Liars don't just lie about one thing - they are dishonest to the core.
Also, a tip for the future: don't date men who, in the past, have had FWB. They don's see women as human beings.
I'm very sorry. You aren’t overreacting. The only correct way to respond to this is by breaking up with him though. You've already tried communication and he made it clear that he is going to do what he wants regardless.
1.) He’s texting an ex, which is highly inappropriate. He’s keeping a line open with her so that he can go back to her if the two of you break up. This shows he’s not fully invested in his relationship with you — he has a backup lined up.
2.) He lied to you. He’s a liar. You don’t want to be with a liar.
3.) He hid the chats so they wouldn’t pop up. This shows he knows what he’s doing is wrong and he doesn’t care. He thinks his feelings and wants matter more than yours.
You can tell your friend that you expect more respect than your boyfriend is giving you, and she needs to respect your decision because it’s not her relationship. If these are things that she would allow in her relationship, she can allow them, but it doesn’t mean you have to. A lot of women with low standards like to shame women with higher standards.
Disgusting. This scrote has a pretty lady that cares (you) and then he has the audacity to think with his ugly penis. After they fuck, he will come running back. They always do. Close all doors and all windows in your heart. Lock it. Do not let him back in when he tries to slither in and bite you again.
There are ZERO excuses as to why he didn't delete and block her - she is an EX. there are ZERO reasons he is still talking to her (unless they have kids and have to coparent even then just keep it business and about the kids)
Men keep exes around because they are keeping a roster of other warm holes for their dicks at best, and at worst an ego stroke (remember any female attention is currency to scrotes)
He is in a relationship with you so no need for him to be texting other women or seeing their messages smh.
Dump him and then delete and block. He should have bothered to delete and block her. Don't let him keep you as an option.
He's already lying and he is already trying to cheat, if he hasn't already. Point is he is actively seeking out other women and lying.
Block and delete.
There is nothing else you can do. He doesn't deserve an explanation.
The good news is you don't have a relationship to lose. Whatever you have going on with your "boyfriend", it sure as hell isn't a relationship. He sees you as a placeholder at best--something easy to fuck while he keeps an eye open for women he's actually interested in.
Would he give you a second chance if he knew you were texting a FWB? Fuck no. He'd discard you like a piece of dirty gum.
Do you want to be somebody's dirty gum? Because that's all you are to him.
Just leave.
Girl, please dump him as soon as possible. He not only was texting his former fwb but also went out of his way to hide it from you. The fact that it was in group chat means absolutely nothing, which is why he turned off the notification. You knew your bf is shady and that’s why you had to look through his phone. Don’t let this low value mean turn you into a controlling crazy person.
It will be hard initially, but you will feel a lot better afterwards. Speaking from similar experience.
dump the Hoe
He’s disrespected you, lied to you, emotionally cheated on you. At the end of the day, has wronged you. You cannot put up with that. He’s gotta go. I know it’s hard but you know what you need to do. My advice, don’t do a long goodbye message, don’t see him in person. Just block his number and remove him from your life. You won’t need to explain. He knows what he did. Talking things out to get “closure” will do nothing for you. He’s already lied. So we know he’s not an honest, trustworthy person. Block and delete sis, it’s our motto for a reason. It’s hard but you will thank yourself you did it sooner than later.
hey, trust me from my own persoanl experience, its best to dump him immediately. DO NOT FALL FOR HIS LIES. he will defiently say im talking to w innocent intentions but NO, they are NOT friends and will not be friends ever again. IK its hard, it will hurt, but please save ur self from further pain
Dump him, you can never trust a liar.
Every single time I have had a desire to go through a guys phone while with him, I have found something horrible. It sounds like your intuition did you a huge favor.
Sucks that shitty men(most of men) will do this kind of stuff just for an ego boost too. Their ego is more important to them than an actual partnership. Their priorities are so messed up.
So happy to hear you blocked. Once a man hurts your feelings, he should not be forgiven in my opinion.
i don't know why you do that... i wish i could help you with more than "dump him immediately" advice, but i can't. i hope you find he help you need and the strength to get rid of this scrote and the pickme in your life.
No you’re not overreacting leave the relationship before he actually acts on his feelings and actually sleeps with her. This will hurt you more than his lies.