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So I've been talking to this man from Australia for a few weeks now, but he grew too attached to me too fast and fell in love with me deeply. Now he wants to talk to me every day ALL THE TIME!! He says "I love you" all the freaking time, sings cringe love songs on his ukulele and recites love poems to me and I can't stand all this intensity. For record, I'm not attracted to him at all and I don't want a boyfriend nor childten. I consider myself a free spirit and I have too many dreams to achieve before dying and this man makes me feel burdened and tied down. The more I talk to him the more I feel more and more repulsed by him and I'm starting to hate him.
I tried to explain this to my mother, but she doesn't understand my ordeal. She thinks he's a nice guy and that I should give him a chance. Thing is I only talk to him out of pity. He has Asperger, his mother passed away when he was only 9 years old and his brother is disabled(he can't walk and has to use a wheelchair), his grandmother his incontinence and probably has cancer too and he has to take care of his brother and grandmother alone. He's a taxi driver. I asked him why doesn't he date an autralian girl, but he told me he thinks australian girls are rude to him and treat him badly. Quoting him: "I am just a hurt little boy inside worried that my loved ones will abandon me again."
He told me he'd like a woman to help him take care of his disabled brother, but I don't wanna take care of children and his brother IS like a children. Another thing that bugged me out is that I told him that in my 3rd world country abortion is very restricted and he told me that this was cool?? He said something like : "Cool. Is it right to kill babies?" When I got angry at him, he backed off on this most likely in order to please me. I told this to my mother and she said: "Oh, you're so extreme! You only want someone who thinks EXACTLY like you! You have to respect his opinion!" Look, I don't want someone who thinks exactly like me, but I believe certain values have to be aligned with mine. He's free to be against the legalization of abortion and I'm free to not want to be with a man who is against the legalization of abortion.
He wants to vent about his life to me all the time and I feel like a vampire is sucking away my soul and spirit. I can't even get enough sleep anymore because of him. I'd have cut him out of my life long ago if he didn't have such a rough life and also because I think he'll become traumatized if I do cut him off. Although I'm traumatized myself right now. What should I do??
Please block him everywhere! This dude sounds like a nightmare. You are NOT his therapist! You have to put yourself first! It doesn't matter if this guy will become even more "traumatized" after you dump his ass. You are not responsible for his feelings!
Is this all online? Ghost. His. Ass.
Ghost, block everywhere, do whatever it takes to rid yourself of this leech, kraken, Klingon. Dude has ISSUES. Those issues do not ever need to be yours! I’ve experienced this online many times. Dude with mental/emotional issues LATCH ON and are incapable of letting go. Invariably they are insecurely, anxiously attached so the more you try to reason (my go-to, as a reasonable person), the harder they cling. What he wants is a mule. All of his issues, his family, everything would be dumped on you. You would be enmeshed to the point of never being free if you ever got with this guy. Run fast and far. If this is all online, ghost hard and explain nothing!
Omg girl. This reminds me of a guy I met while looking for a language penpal years ago. He was in my country but thankfully not the same area.
I thought we were just being friendly because both our profiles were set to looking for platonic things. One day he wants to chat over video call and I was like, ok sure whatever. He keeps me on the phone from like 10PM to 2:30AM (because I was too much of a ~nice girl~ back then) and I get the DEEP impression that he's smitten with me because of the weird things he started saying/asking.
I wake up the next day to see that HE CALLED ME AGAIN 7AM. Did he even sleep?? What the fuck. He messages me something like "oh I guess you're still asleep haha ;)". Ladies I was SPOOKED.
I blocked him on everything, but since he still had my number he texted me from someone else's phone to give me the ol "omg I thought we had a connection, you're just like all the other bitches out there who ghost, I'm a nice guy, blablablah". 🙄 Spare me dude.
Advice:
You should just block and ghost regardless. It's not your responsibility to regulate how this guy feels or how he reacts to you leaving his life because he's (presumably) an adult, even if he has trauma.
If you want to be kind, before you block&delete, you can explain to him that you're just flat out incompatible romantically, lifestyle, goals etc wise and that you think he's projecting the qualities he wants onto you and that it's not healthy or fair to you.
I don't think you should, but I know it's hard to de-program ourselves from being nice especially to people who are... unwell lol
I read like the first 3 sentences and wanted you to block him. However sad and unfair his life is, it is not your responsibility. Also, you say he loves you deeply. Please google “love bombing”. This sounds like a scary situation, put yourself first by blocking and deleting.
Oh, fuck his sob stores, and your gaslighting mother. Your discomfort is REAL. Your right to peace of mind is REAL.
You owe this man NOTHING. He is a barnacle at the very least, and an unhinged psychopath at worst. Don't give him one more second of your time. Block and delete before you find out how unhinged he truly is.
Your journey should never include being used as emotional toilet paper by a loser who comes with a list of sob stories as long as your arm.
BLOCK. DELETE.
And tell your mama to fuck him since she likes him so much.
Omg, why have you not just blocked and deleted? It was exhausting to read that. How can you live it.
I'd just tell him point blank, "All of this is just way too much for me. There is no way on earth that you're in love with me when we've never met in person. Good luck in your search." Then block him everywhere.
block and delete. there is an option to do so wherever you're talking to him on, right?
Girl runnnnn. This guy has narcissist personality disorder. He's love bombing you. What you describe is exactly how my ex narc latched onto me. Unfortunately we lived in the same neighborhood and he still stalks me to this today. Read the gift of fear. Someone made a great post earlier this week where they quoted "men who cannot let go choose women who cannot say no". It will destroy your mind and mental health if you don't block and delete him everywhere. He'll get over it and find his next victim. Trust me.