Please help me getting better at rejecting men!

Congratulations, you have empathy!

Surprise —most men do not! Your kindness will not be reciprocated, only used against you.

The more you practice rejecting unsuitable men, the easier it will feel.

I have ADHD. Rejection doesn’t bother me because I am self-assured, have self-respect, and self-love. Strengthening my boundaries and standards and subsequent ability to enforce these consistently is what helped me shrug off rejection with ease. Be it friends, males, employment growth opportunities, etc. It is what it is. I move on from shit that wasn’t meant to be quite quickly bc there’s no point investing my precious time and energy into someone or something that doesn’t even consider me as an afterthought. My time and energy deserve to be spent on something worthy.

It gets easier the more you enforce your boundaries consistently. You’re developing new behavioural habits, it’s hard at first but soon it’ll become second nature. Just have to be consistent with yourself. When you value yourself so much, you don’t allow yourself to be hurt by trivial things like male rejection. Male attention is absolutely worthless.

Males give you your closure in their actions towards you. Believe them when they show you who they are, stay somewhat aloof during early dating, and it won’t hurt as much as you won’t have over-invested.

- This guy didn’t show you courtesy

- This guy wanted your booty at the expense of your safety, time and comfort. Of course he wasn’t offering to court you, he’s too low class. You’re right, why did you not b&d? He wanted an easy lay (wouldn’t have even cost him a dinner!) and you’re worried about his feelings. What! Why?!

- His whining for your lack of interest is so un masculine and screams needy/low class/unattractive. I could go on.

You’re the shit. He wanted a cheap fuck. Men like him are abundant. Do you honestly think he’d spare your feelings if the shoe was on the other foot? Hell naw.

The second your spidey senses get the ick with a man you don’t know all that well, havent even met cut them loose. You owe them NOTHING. Or do as you did; that simple brush off was perfect. Nothing more required.

Men will look after their own interests and you MUST do the same.

I have had to learn to be brutal (recovering people pleaser) and something that has always stuck out for me is that most men would not hesitate to throw a woman under the bus, especially one they barely know. This mindset has made it easier to reject.

There's already great insights about how this guy you mentioned doesn't care about your feelings, so returning the same energy to him is only fair.

But I'll give you another thought to help you out when you still can't help but care about others' feelings.

Some people will lead on someone they don't like all that much for a very long time. Is that really a good thing to do to someone?

It isn't. It's a waste of time.

It's kinder to cut things off so people can move on. Don't you hate it when people give you false hope with a million maybes? Wouldn't you prefer a definite yes or no? That's what a block is. A definite no.

Sure, it seems like we would want rejections to come with explanations - but when you think about any explanations you ever got, it's never a satisfying explanation, is it?

That's because explanations don't make rejection more pleasant. It's also unpleasant to be left wondering why. But a rejection is not going to feel great no matter what.

So don't prolong the rejection with explanations. Think of it as saving time. Not just for you. For the people you're rejecting, too.

A rejection can be long, or it can be short. Let's make it short for goodness' sake.

As an ex-pick me and people pleaser who is still working towards getting rid of these personality traits, I feel you so much. I really understand not wanting to be bad.

One thing I keep reminding myself is, even after my best pick me/pleasing performance, I will still be painted as the bad woman.

If I'm going to be bad no matter what, I would rather focus on my safety/security and comfort.

Go ahead sis, get painted as the bad one. You know it will be factually incorrect. But it will be very very liberating. To take that power in your hand and rightfully using it.

Say no :D

You can do it ✨️

Reject that idiot

The thumbs up is kinda standard for a scrote. They lack vocabulary, and also empathy. He didn’t give a fuck about what the problem was, only thing he cares about is that you didn’t stroke his ego. What a douchebag! you dodged a bullet sis! Keep up the good work with not writing him the paragraph. 100% he has heard it before, he didn’t take notice then, he isn’t going to do it now either

Just say "I'm sorry, I don't think we're compatible" or "I don't think we're a match" and move on, cut contact, block and delete. No need to be rude, but you do need to be clear. And you don't need to do this in person either.

Good at rejection ? That dude wanted you to come to his place so he could use you as warm hole if that doest fill you with rage and anger and b&d what will sis . When men don’t give a fuck about us and want to use us not court us properly still want free sex from us that should be enough for us to make it easy to reject them . Even hvm who are emotionally secure wud have zero problem rejecting a date who doest align with what they are looking for