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Long story short, my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. In the beginning, he seemed very much a HVM. We went on fun dates, he paid for everything, even got me things he thought would make staying over more comfortable like my favorite beverages and a fancy hair dryer. He made it clear that he was in it for the long run and looking for marriage.
Over time, it seems he's been putting less effort into the relationship. We don't really have dates anymore, and he's less interested in sex. I made the mistake of pretty much moving in with him. It started with staying over a few nights and it has grown into me living with him (my parents live 20 min away so it wasn't an official "move"). Now he lets me do all the dishes and cooking, as well as other little things for him. His excuse is that he pays for rent and groceries, so he's doing his part. Admittedly a big issue is sex: he used to love going down on me (or maybe it was just to impress me) but now he barely ever does it. The most effort he'll put into my pleasure is letting me get on top to finish so then he can cum. At first, he said after meeting me he didn't even want to jerk off. Now I catch him doing it every so often, while turning down sex whenever I try to initiate lmao. We still have sex at least twice a week, but it's nothing special.
There's so much wrong here, and yet he's still the best man I've been with which makes it hard to cut things off. But as I've had to learn before, love is not enough to stay in a dead end relationship. Please, please help. I have this pit of dread in my stomach and my heart is already breaking.
It’s really only takes six months before you’re able to see the person for who they really are. The first part of any relationship is basically just infatuation and hormones. Both parties are trying to impress one another, but men tend to go to the extreme of misrepresenting their true selves. If you’re relatively new to dating then maybe you haven’t learned this yet. But at the six month point the infatuation has mostly disappeared, when you’re at six months evaluate who that person is and if you want to continue in this direction. Don’t evaluate who they were in the beginning of six months—you judge who they are right at the six month mark. You’ll get stuck in every relationship if you keep holding into “what was” in the beginning. Because the beginning is the “honeymoon” period. Don’t get stuck in who they were then, what’s important is who they turn out to be six months down the road when the infatuation fades, because that’s who they truly are.
I know this is late, but something that stuck out to me that you wrote was that he's been the better of the men you've seen. Just because he's been better behaved doesn't mean you should settle for the mediocre. I can tell you from experience that there are men leagues better, but though it's not guaranteed one will find you, accepting treatment from men any less than HV is a net loss in life for you. If love and time and energy were money, you'd be losing big time in this relationship. One of the benchmarks that's been helpful for me is pretty common, would you like a woman or girl you care about in your life to be treated as he's treating you? A sister, friend, mom? He says he loves you, but I don't think a man who could care less about his girlfriend's pleasure or lets her do wife activities without being married even really respects her, let alone loves. If at only six months he's stopped being consistent with treating you well, it won't get any better in a few years. You already know it's a good idea to jump ship, no matter how painstaking. I hope you can redirect that time you've spent with him into something more fulfilling for you.
It doesn't sound like there's really much of a relationship left. It might be hard to cut things off but it's better than staying in a one sided relationship that will just drain all your love and energy. Focus all that energy on yourself and finding someone who adds to your life and know that we're all here for you. Good luck girlfriend!
When men have to spend a lot of energy “getting” a woman at first, they stop chasing once they have her. The chase becomes the game. It becomes the goal rather than building a relationship. Once that goal is attained, why keep trying to attain it?