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I agree completely with the handbook that men should pay for dates, particularly at first. I would love to know everyone's thoughts on at what point women should start pitching in (if ever). I do feel that with the time, effort and cost of getting ready for a date, not to mention how little we have to gain from even being there half the time, that being expected to pay is almost amusing.
I have been on four dates with a guy recently - well thought out, nice dates - and he paid for them all completely. Our most recent date was last night and it seemed to go quite well. Today he texts me and asks if I will go to an NBA game with him over the weekend, to which I said yes. He then asks if I want to get food before and if so where I would like to go. I made a suggestion that is not overpriced/upscale but not a dive bar either. He replied "Ok great - I bought the tickets and parking pass for the game, so I will enjoy dinner on you beforehand!" He is not joking.
This was several hours ago and I have left him on read. I found it really tacky to ask me if I wanted to get food, thing spring it on me that I'm paying after already agreeing. Is this block/delete worthy ladies? I'm leaning towards yes. I find it noteworthy that the handbook even predicts this type of "shit test" where guys will say something about how it's our turn to pay.
On a side note - I also unmatched him on the dating app we met on. Not because of the payment thing, but because I don't like having access to seeing whether he was logging into the app or not. And, surprise surprise - he logged in today, not long before he sent me that message. I think he'll suspect I unmatched him because he asked me to pay when in reality it was a subtle way of letting him know I'm aware he's still swiping and also to protect my own sanity.
Block now for sure. He's letting you know it's time to pitch in, now and forever, the honeymoon's over. He'll expect it every time now. He could have even gotten the tickets for free from someone, and is looking for princess treatment that night. But yeah, there's no way a normal person asks someone to dinner and then lets them know they'll be treating. You're lucky his mask slipped so soon.
I’d block and delete. It’s a test. Normal people dont invite someone out and then go “great! Dinner is on you!!!!!!”
I just wanna say, I’ve been out of the dating game for a while but I’ve been with my bf for 2 years now and I still haven’t paid for a date and we go out somewhere at least once a month. We’ve gone on a few trips too and I paid $0 towards those. The only thing I’ve paid to a trip is getting my hair or nails done or buying an outfit for that.
So there’s men out there that won’t ask you to pay for that. It’s just harder and harder to find.
He’s red pilled and testing you for sure. I saw it online where men will test women to see if they will pay. Men should 100% pay to be around women.
When do women pitch in???? Never.
Men in love are happy to financially take care of their women. So don't date dusties and don't ever let dating or a man become a factor in your finances. Do not spend a cent on any of it.
Only players and broke dudes will ask for your financial help, and you shouldn't want either of those.
He invited you, yet you have to pay for dinner? Nope, he blew it.
At no point should you ever pay for dates. The only exception I make is a special occasion like a guy's birthday. Otherwise, no.
I think you already know to block and delete.
Let me drive home the point some more: he probably has bitches paying for all his dinners. I use the word "bitches" because that's exactly how he thinks of everyone in his harem.
Don't join his harem.
Yes block and delete!! He's pushing your boundaries to see if you'll become his doormat.
My opinion is that women should never pay on dates. As a woman you're dressing nicely, giving up some of your valuable time, and being interesting, witty and clever. That's worth more than any amount of money.
The man should still pay by default, even if he makes less money. Even if it's his birthday. Your presence is a gift!
He can afford the tickets and parking to the game, yet after asking if you want to get food before (which he was probably going to do anyway) he says you're going to pay. Wtf. This is an NBA game so I'm gonna assume he was going to go anyway and now he's got arm candy to sit by and stroke his ego while he watches his heroes put balls in hoops and.... free dinner.
As far as starting to pay for dates.....I don't really know what FDS advice would be and I've definitely made huge mistakes in my dating life thinking I was some boss he was gonna respect because I paid for myself..ugh... I am curious the advice others have.
I'm thinking my standards are going to be so different than when I was in my 20s...I will prioritize money, career, family way more than I did before. He must be able to afford taking care of me if I'm going to risk my independence and health to be in a relationship with him.
I'm leaning towards never paying for dates no matter how long you're together. I guess he can propose and then "we" can pay and I think I'll still keep my money separate.
🤡🤡🤡 I... I can't. WHAT. WHAT IN THE WHAT????? I've never heard of this kind of a deal. The audacity!!! You always think you've seen it all and then someone goes even lower. Geez. That sounds like a red pill shit test.
You already blocked and deleted him, right? Homeboy's so cringe that he doesn't even deserve a witty comeback.
I am in a relationship and I didn’t pay for anything except his birthday lunch for the first three years. The exception was when we were traveling, I paid for a couple of meals (maybe 2 or 3 total, out of three weeks traveling and eating every meal out). I offered each time, he didn’t ask.
After three years he did bring it up that he would feel more appreciated if I would occasionally offer to pay for something, so I do pay, but only when I choose to and it’s maybe every 5th to 10th date out. I don’t even pay for groceries when we go to the store together - he always just says to put it with his stuff and he’ll get it.
Always keep in mind that men are auditioning for YOU, not the other way around. They should ALWAYS be trying to impress you. Do you think that a man asking you to pay for a date is impressive?
Even worse, do you think a man asking you out, only to announce that you’re paying for both of you on the dinner he invited you to, cares about impressing you?
I don’t, and I wouldn’t want to go on a date with someone who didn’t care to impress me.
"Is this block/delete worthy ladies?" Yes. My ex once tried to pull something similar on me - he suggested grabbing a bottle of water at an airport (nontheless) and when we approached the cashier he had the audacity to turn to me and say: "You'll pay for it, right?" 🤦🏽♀️. If a guy trully loves you, he will pay for you. For everything. So yes, block and delete, sis.
I wouldn't go on a second date if he is still meeting others.
I think at first the man should pay, and once he’s committed and you’re exclusive you can chip in.
I despise men who are dead set on 50/50. Anyone who keeps tabs and wants a tit for a tat is usually cheap. I’m a generous person and love to give gifts, whether it’s an item they’ve been eyeing or I randomly buy someone a cookie and coffee I enjoy surprising people.. but that side of me can’t be unlocked by a man unless he’s deserving.
Maybe some might not agree but I believe the one who asked out needs to pay, That person is your guest and all you can expect is respect and thankfulness in return.
I will always deny a dude when he talks about splitting the bills. If I need to split the bills I rather go alone, no risk or unwanted behavior with a good day or night guaranteed.
Edit
I had a dude ask me If I wanted to have some crisps with him I said yes to avoid problems ( because a simply no can put you 6 feet under ) and he went to his mother's house to get it instead of heading to the store nearby to get a new bag. I just got up and left. Not only are you a loser but a stingy one too.