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I agree completely with the handbook that men should pay for dates, particularly at first. I would love to know everyone's thoughts on at what point women should start pitching in (if ever). I do feel that with the time, effort and cost of getting ready for a date, not to mention how little we have to gain from even being there half the time, that being expected to pay is almost amusing.
I have been on four dates with a guy recently - well thought out, nice dates - and he paid for them all completely. Our most recent date was last night and it seemed to go quite well. Today he texts me and asks if I will go to an NBA game with him over the weekend, to which I said yes. He then asks if I want to get food before and if so where I would like to go. I made a suggestion that is not overpriced/upscale but not a dive bar either. He replied "Ok great - I bought the tickets and parking pass for the game, so I will enjoy dinner on you beforehand!" He is not joking.
This was several hours ago and I have left him on read. I found it really tacky to ask me if I wanted to get food, thing spring it on me that I'm paying after already agreeing. Is this block/delete worthy ladies? I'm leaning towards yes. I find it noteworthy that the handbook even predicts this type of "shit test" where guys will say something about how it's our turn to pay.
On a side note - I also unmatched him on the dating app we met on. Not because of the payment thing, but because I don't like having access to seeing whether he was logging into the app or not. And, surprise surprise - he logged in today, not long before he sent me that message. I think he'll suspect I unmatched him because he asked me to pay when in reality it was a subtle way of letting him know I'm aware he's still swiping and also to protect my own sanity.
He can afford the tickets and parking to the game, yet after asking if you want to get food before (which he was probably going to do anyway) he says you're going to pay. Wtf. This is an NBA game so I'm gonna assume he was going to go anyway and now he's got arm candy to sit by and stroke his ego while he watches his heroes put balls in hoops and.... free dinner.
As far as starting to pay for dates.....I don't really know what FDS advice would be and I've definitely made huge mistakes in my dating life thinking I was some boss he was gonna respect because I paid for myself..ugh... I am curious the advice others have.
I'm thinking my standards are going to be so different than when I was in my 20s...I will prioritize money, career, family way more than I did before. He must be able to afford taking care of me if I'm going to risk my independence and health to be in a relationship with him.
I'm leaning towards never paying for dates no matter how long you're together. I guess he can propose and then "we" can pay and I think I'll still keep my money separate.