Anyone else ever get sad thinking about the possibility that finding a man worthy enough to marry is slim? I don't ever want to have children, so marriage is not necessarily beneficial to me, but it's still something I want someday. The dream of getting married has always been a result of the fairytale conditioning most, if not all, women are brought up with. Obviously, it's better to stay single than to settle for any bozo just to cross 'get married' off the bucket list. But as my parents age, I sometimes get sad thinking that they may never see me get married. My father may never get to walk his only daughter down the aisle. By time I meet my forever-person (if that ever happens), my parents may not be with me to celebrate it, and that makes me more sad and frustrated with the current dating scene than anything. My parents simply don't understand what the problem is and why I am still single. They don't understand how truly awful most men are, how lazy and useless they are. I am the only person in my whole family who is single. All my siblings and cousins have settled down, then there's me, the black sheep of the family. I'm at the age where my friends and peers are all coupled up and unavailable too. I wish men didn't suck so much so maybe there would be a nice one I could bring along to holiday gatherings instead of feeling like I'm missing out on a big part of life. Does anyone have any advice for staying positive when things are so bleak, especially this time of year when everyone seems so happy with their loved ones? I celebrated my birthday and Thanksgiving all by myself this year and things have just been hitting me hard coming to terms with the reality that I may be spending many more holidays alone.
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Nope.
I've always been childfree and have had zero hangups about not wanting to breed.
I also don't give a shit if my parents see me get married. If I marry an HVM, great. If I never marry, great. Who accesses my vagina is my business, not theirs.
I care very much about my career, education, and personal finance. I will always prioritize these things above a man, because if you give these things up for a man, he won't respect you—in fact, he may leave you precisely because you gave these things up for him.
My take on feeling lonely: most people are LV, and the deeper you dig into their lives, the more LV you will become. You will probably meet only a small number of HV people in your life, even if you live in a big city.
If you ever feel bad about spending birthdays/holidays alone, think about women all over the world who dread the holidays because they have to cook for a bunch of people and make everything perfect. I've known women who sob, scream, break down, and make others cry EVERY YEAR during the holidays because they can't take the pressure. The holidays are a miserable time for everyone around them.
Alone is better than sobbing, breaking down, and cooking for an ungrateful family.
Bring a platonic friend along. You'll have company and not feel like the odd person out. Being alone on holidays is liberating. No compromise, no shitty families that aren't yours.
Remember, a wedding is only one day. And dad walking the daughter down the aisle is a horrific tradition when you examine it — she's not cattle to be given away to another owner. I know we all grew up with this cultural indoctrination, but it might help you detach by actually examining them with a critical lens.
Also, I guarantee you that most of the folks coupled up are absolutely miserable together. Don't let appearances fool you. Are they really dating HVM or just some guy? Unless he's HV, he's nothing to be jealous of.
We're social creatures so it's only natural to crave company. Could you perhaps being a fun friend to a holiday partner instead of an SO? I suggest staying off social media as people tend to project having more fun and a better life than they are actually. I often think it would be fun to meet friends off FDS if it was not so dangerous - I'd befriend you!
It can be hard to keep a positive attitude, especially when it's a holiday - but I think everything happens in it's own time and there's no 'right' time. Particularly if you choose to remain child free. Don't let anyone tell you different. The problem is not you, but the majority of the dating pool.
How I stay positive is, I remind myself that sexist social pressure is to blame, not me. Well-adjusted single men are celebrated as carefree bachelors. Adopt that mindset. Look at your single days as more time to do what you want and prioritize yourself before being tied down with familial obligations.
On holidays plan trips, take an online course, volunteer, or focus on self-care. Reframe holiday celebrations without all the hallmark-patriarchal-marketing spin. It’s just a day off work. A paid long weekend.
I thank my luck stars my mom is pretty zen about whether I get married.
Though I was watching Mamma Mia the other day, and the scene where the mom helps the daughter put on her wedding dress did hit me with a little "aw, it's kind of sad my mom and I might never do this." Which is a bit ironic considering the scene was about the mom having trouble letting go of her daughter, plus there's a whole non-traditional family dynamic going on in that movie, but that's neither here nor there 🤣
Then I think about what I do have - more time to do fun things with my mom because there isn't some guy taking up the bulk of my time.
What are some good things you do have in your life thanks to not settling for an unworthy scrote? I find it cheerful to take stock of the good things 😄
I can really relate to this. I’ve thought the exact same thoughts and have the same dynamic. Lots of my friends and family have settled down with someone and people constantly ask me when I’ll get married. Fortunately, lots of my family and friends know that I won’t settle for just any guy and they see for themselves, just how abysmal lots of men are.
While I’m not craving a relationship and am very happy and content being single, I still wonder if I may ever find a decent man and I always feel that if I do, my parents may be long gone by then. If marriage is in the cards for me, I would love to have them meet the guy as, be at my wedding and see a child or two that we have.
Please know that you’re not alone. This is something lots of women that are levelling up or have levelled up are facing. It’s very shocking to see how trash a lot of men are and how so many of them refuse to change, which leaves quality women that want a relationship and family single indefinitely.
We can’t change men into what we want them to be so the only thing we can do is continue to be the best we can be. If it’s really your fate to be married to a quality man before your parents pass on, it’ll happen.
Just continue to be the best woman you can be 💗💗
I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been in the same boat, having next to no family (my father and mother both left when I was 2) so I guess I never thought of marriage as relevant since I don't have family and who would walk me down the aisle anyway? I have one cousin who's been supportive but it's not the same as having a dad to walk with you. I also feel like all men would do is abuse me if even more than I've already been abused once they find out I have no family.