.png)
I've abstained from dating for a year. Before that, I was in a relationship with someone I met in the wild. Before that, I was in a relationship with someone I knew as a friend for years. By all accounts, the last time I was on OLD was ~2020. I've deliberately focused on myself fully for the past year: no "down in the DMs" (ew), no OLD accounts, and even shutting down routine interactions with the many, many unattractive men who approach me. I know what I want and my worth and 99% of them ain't it.
I'd like some reporting from the field, especially from high-value women in their late 30s/early 40s who are looking to date older men. Note: I find this harder to do in the wild, because I look younger than my age and it leads to confusing and awkward exchanges - for *them* as I am proud of my age - when inevitably it turns out the guy is 10 years younger than me, which I don't find amenable. At least on OLD I'd have some degree of certainty about their age, other than liars.
I have never had a relationship from OLD. I find it gives me the ick (always did), and I don't want some guy on his toilet scrolling through a catalogue to "find" me. I truly hate the entire concept.
My friends can't relate as they are all on OLD, and I think my sourness on it isn't exactly a great conversation starter.
So ladies, give it to me: how bad is it? What are you finding? Are you still on it? Done? DONE done?
Ha ha, I love how this post is like a soldier who was shipped home on medical leave writing to his comrades who are still on the front lines "Are the bombs still falling? Have you gained any ground?"
I've never done it and would never.
Personally I would never ever recommend online dating. You can’t vet properly from behind a screen. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable posting pictures of myself online, especially when men can create deep fakes or masturbate to them. One of my girlfriends was telling me she was horrified to learn that a male coworker along with a couple others have a group text where they share experiences about girls they’ve dated in the area. That doesn’t feel safe at all and gives me major Ick
" Before that, I was in a relationship with someone I met in the wild." Just here to show my appreciation for this statement.
In the UK 95% of mens profiles fit into one of these types of profiles. They are the following:
The Geezer. This guy has on shorts, and an open Hawaiin shirt with nothing underneath to show his tan, plentfiful tats and gold chain. May have on a bucket hat, white socks with Adidas sliders and a bum bag. He's just got back from Tenerife with the lads and "lives for the bantz". Opening line will be something like "hows it going beaut u ok gorge xx"
The Chav. This traditional British staple of manhood has on the classic grey tracksuit, baseball cap, and small cross-body bag. +5 points if his eyes are so red you can practically smell the weed just from looking at his picture. Oftentimes will photograph himself in a mirror selfie style, with his head cocked to one side, flashing a rather dashing middle finger 😍
The Traveller: This guys just been backpacking around South Asia, taught English in China for two months, lived in New Zealand for eight months, and has just renovated a campervan. He's happy alone but would like someone to go on more adventures with. He's going to Australia in 2024 so maybe you can come with him if youre lucky. Photos include one of him jumping out a plane, one riding a camel, one covered in mud while he wears prayer beads and one watching the sunset with his dog.
The Greg: This guys obese, unkempt and takes blurry photos taken from unflattering angles while he wears his hi-vis jacket in his van. Has kids but wants more. Bio may read the following "just been cheated on just want someone who will accept me how i am wont try to change me if u think thats u say hi i dont bite thank you ladies".
The Basic: He looks clean, well-dressed, has a good job and his own home and theres a photo of him wearing a suit and one sat with his very happy looking Nan at an event where theyre drinking tea and having little triangle sandwiches. Thats pretty much it. He looks nice. This is the most decent guy you'll come across.
The Goofy: He's on here because his usual method of mouthing "I love you" to strangers from his car isnt working. He's like a Christmas cracker: shit jokes but a good bang(so he's been told). Wears an ear stretcher, plays drums and likes LoTR. Photos include one of him passed out on his mates kitchen floor with a traffic cone on his head, and one of him farting on his other mates head.
Would totally recommend OLD if your dream guys is one of the above because thats all there is. Dont ask me how I know.
DONE done, and no desire to go back. I belong to the three 'are we dating the same guy?' groups on FB for my dateable area and every day when I log on I see enough bullshit to confirm this bias.
OLD is a dead horse. It's time we all stopped beating it.
I'm never trying it again - it's pointless. The guys think we're all slutty for being on OLD. I feel like for them, it's the less effort they have to put into meeting us, the more "easy" they think we are. And it's not even true, in terms of effort - you have to put in some of that to create an appealing profile, sift through people, match, and strike a conversation that doesn't bore the other one to death. But men don't do that, so...
I don't know why OLD sucks so much, but it does.
I'm in my late 30s and interested in dating men in their late 30s up to age 40.
I've been on OLD since 2009 and can assure you that the overall quality of men on OLD has decreased considerably since then. Specifically, the demographic that used OkCupid in 2009 was young, hip, intelligent, and relatively exclusive. Today, in 2023, OkCupid (as well as every other dating site I've used, paid or unpaid) is a dumpster fire free-for-all for anybody and everybody. It's hard to sift through the massive amounts of crap to find the diamond in the rough.
That said, I am not opposed to OLD. I think OLD, like real life, is just another avenue to meet eligible men. Your chances of actually meeting HVM on OLD are extremely low, but that's true for real life as well.
If I were you, I would not rule out OLD completely, but I would not spend much time on it; use it when you have free time and feel inclined. Most likely, nothing good will happen, but there is always that chance.
I'm in my early 20's so I don't know how different the OLD experience is for women in their 30/40's but I have to say that the amount of crap and nonsense you find in datings apps is ridiculous. It was actually amusing: men lying about their age, posting photos of them from years ago when their hairline was somewhere to be found, men in relationships wanting to cheat on their partners... Most of them don't even put effort into their profiles, so often you can only judge them on their crappy photos, lame jokes on their bios and maybe texting skills.
That being said, I found the man I'm seeing on Bumble. Tinder is the most popular app here in my city so I went for Bumble in an attempt to find men who wouldn't be so superficial and it actually worked. It's too early to call him a HVM but he's been doing everything right so far. As other commenter said, this man has raised my standards even more and it's actually amazing to feel safe, cared for and cherished like this. I do feel there's a chance to find a diamond in dating apps, but you have to ask yourself if you really want to put your time and energy into finding it. For most people, OLD is a waste of time and I can't disagree.
OLD is pretty awful. Due to its "anonymous" nature, it attracts a lot of fuckboys and scammers. I wonder how many men who claim to be single on OLD are actually taken.
I’m from the 80’s and I made the decision TODAY that if I even come across anyone I find worthy enough all they’re getting from me is my home phone number and they can come find me. I work full-time at a hardware store so I am bombarded with scrotes all day. I do NOT want to do this otp crap. What did we do in the old days before phones and internet? That’s what I’m taking it back to. I don’t think I should make it any easier for them, imo.
I tried bumble for a month (few months ago)
Changed to Hinge for a couple of months.
Uninstalled both last week.
The attention I received was meh.
The matches I got were very unimpressive. (VERY VERY)
All in all it didn't feel like a waste of time since I didn't give it much time. I opened the app only when I received a notification of a like. Initially I sent likes to a couple of men which did jackshit, so didn't see any point to it since "if he wants to he will". After that, I just didn't do anything.
Then I got too busy to even check notifications and decided to declutter lol