Not getting noticed

I’ve had so many men approach me. The homeless guy who offered me some of his White Lightening was a particular highlight (UK ladies will understand).

I’m a happy person who smiles at the world. I do not recommend this and have never met a decent guy through a cold approach.

Resting bitch face is a gift I tell you. IT’S A GIFT.

How do you want men to notice you? Catcalling? Groping? Hitting on you? Generally, not being noticed by men is a blessing. For every one legitimate suitor, you’d have to be degraded and harassed a hundred times.

If you really want more men to solicit you, I’ve heard that eye contact and smiling at them is what emboldens them the most.

The only men that approach me are nasty looking.

Consider yourself lucky

I agree with the ladies here, most male attention 'in the wild' is lvm at best and dangerous at worst. Also, even if I am attracted to someone physically, I still don't know anything about them, if its not in the kind of setting where we have things in common (that being said, seeing extremely attractive men is a treat since they are a rarity almost everywhere). Seems like in most settings hvm won't approach women anyway because unlike their male counterpart theyre decent.

Your last sentence is correct. FS is about decentring men from our lives. Stop worrying about getting or not getting male attention. You are enough and you are worthwhile, and if scrotes in your surroundings can't come to this understanding on their own, it's their loss.

It isn't you. I've asked myself this question as well. I am not on online dating, but I do try to smile and make eye contact if I meet a man I'm attracted to in the wild. I would say it very rarely results in them approaching and asking me out. However, I don't think this is about us as individual women. Honestly if I was a man I think I would be super confused about what is ok and isn't okay with approaching women. Women are not a monolith, and we all want different things, which could be confusing. For example, if I met a hot guy at the gym and I was smiling and making eye contact with him, I would want him to approach and politely start chatting with me at an opportune moment. IN contrast, there are a lot of women who don't want to be hit on at the gym ever, but may still be friendly and warm. I was at a bar a few nights ago and the bartender really politely approached me as I was about to leave and said "I'm sorry ma'am, I know this is unprofessional, but I think you are gorgeous and I would love to take you out some time. I'd like to give you my number and if you are interested, you can contact me." Even though I wasn't attracted to him, I thought it was a really lovely approach, but I think there are a lot of women who wouldn't want the bartender to hit on them. Idk, I think smiling and eye contact are our only ways of signaling interest so I think men don't know if we are romantically interested or friendly interested. Men are also worse in general at discriminating facial expressions compared to women. I don't know how we fix this, but what I am saying is, the men that you are interested in may be afraid to come across as rude in approaching you as many women don't want to be cold approached by strangers. I think some of them are afraid to approach because they are dumb and cannot interpret obvious signals of interest but I actually think that some of them are just polite and trying to be respectful by not approaching us.

"I wonder why I don't often get noticed by men."

Compared to whom? Your female friends? What is your definition of "don't often get noticed"?

And yes, I agree with other commenters in that most male attention (whether it's online or in the wild) is LV if not downright dangerous. Because most men, in general, are LV if not downright dangerous.

I get the most *suitable* male interest from active participation in my community and volunteering. I'm not doing these things to meet men though. It just so happens that the kind of men I find desirable are spending their downtime doing something similar to me.

Take this with a grain of salt bc I can’t find the study again but I remember reading that behaviors that used to be considered normal flirting behaviors (approaching women at bars, public spaces, etc.) are less common because men don’t want to be perceived as creepy. I think possible causes were: online dating preference (where, at a minimum, you know the initial interest is mutual), greater awareness of sexual harassment, and changing social habits (increasingly, you go to the bar WITH friends instead of going to the bar to make friends. Also, with everyone having a smart phone, there is just less face to face interaction, period).

I don’t want a man to harass me, but I do want a man to approach me if I’m displaying positive signs (smiling, eye contact, etc.). I think there’s been an over correction of etiquette I guess? So now I think HVM don’t approach out of courtesy & LVM do approach bc they don’t care whether or not we like it.

Just my two cents 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you a woc? I was like you when living in a small mostly white town, but when I lived in a major city I got cold approached a lot more.

Men notice ALL women. Fact.

A HVM does NOT cold approach women.

This FDS podcast episode is very useful. We DO have to register some interest (just not pursue)

When you level up or dress up less men will approach you. When I have my hair in a bun and I'm in sweat pants and a T-shirt, no make up, they're ALWAYS hitting on me because I look low maintenance. But that's just how I dress to workout or run errands. The minute I dress well, have my nails and hair done, do my makeup, heels, I never get approached. Most men at NV and will only approach women they think are low maintenance. HV men are rare. So if you're looking nice, you're less likely to get approached.

Well I always say look at the people you want to become wether if it's fictional or real. I always wanted to be like Barbie, she's talented, kind and good in Ballet at least in the barbie movies. I did my best to recreate that. If you want to attract a gentleman instead of a scrote you need to act like a HVW or a lady.

It's hard work but it's the only way to find something better among the garbage.