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I hope you ladies will help me to gain a better understanding of FDS. I am reading and already implemented some rules.
First it's important to say that I am a lady in my early 30s. I am Muslim and live in a non-Muslim country.
Dating - Marriage for us is very similar to those who lived in a very conservative setting. With no-side hug. A man gets a job, save some money, knocks some doors and send some proposal, talk to the father, talk to the girl. Gets some some money to give as "insurance" to her and sign some papers and boom married. If the relationship is not great, both can easily divorce. Very simple setting.
Of course, we complicated with cultures, weird expectations.
In Europe, our men are the kings from of the trash. The dress themselves as religious leader on Friday, then they dance half naked on table, grinding women without their consent and joke about raping non-Muslim women because they like it.
It's hard to live with these individuals.
It's hard to find someone to marry inside this trash land.
I was dumped by a good Muslim boy for unknown reason. After he spoke with my father, was all nice and go, we spent tons of time, he was buying a house. They guy disappeared. Told me that he doesn't like the country I was born (the other side of Europe), went in holiday there and doesn't want potential kids to pass time.
Guys, we are not talking about the Balkans in 1990s. We are talking about Italy. Me a black lady, born and raised in one of the most causal racist place in Europe, survived and managed to get some friends and enjoyed her time. He was "questioned" by the border police once, and that's it. After all the "I love you, habibi." He had no love and care to "tollerate" some holidays in a country.
When back to those apps and well, God help me, but it's like I am talking with the trash and affiliate.
Getting ghosted to a regular basis, get lied regularly and such.
Now, I deactivated everything.
I want to improve few things in my life, my side business and my weight/fitness.
But I want to keep an eye to the dating, but I have no clue of how/what?
Do I go back to those apps?
Do I join others tool online?
Do I make a Warning type of Profile?
Do I just take a breath, maybe join Muslim activities? (Very hard where I live, people are so mean).
What did you do, once you started to realise the crap you were keep taking in the dating world? What was the key action/rule you implement day 1?
When back to those apps and well, God help me, but it's like I am talking with the trash and affiliate.
Lol, can relate..... 👽
Well.
The only advice I can give as a non-muslim woman is that when I understood that only trash men were surrounding me, I put all that energy of finding a partner back into myself, my goal n°1 is to live a peaceful and happy life.
Now I'm definitely leaving the door open for dating. I occasionally meet a guy, see a red flag and throw him back to the sea of trash.
I feel much happier that way tbh.
I do hope to find the right partner someday. But as long as I am happily open to dating with strong boundaries, I do believe I will meet him at some point.
Ignore men for the next year or so. You're in Italy! Focus on traveling to neighbouring countries, meeting new friends, having new experiences and pouring into yourself. Avoid OLD like the plague. It's trash and will only amplify how bad the dating scene is for you.
For me, getting angry was a huge step. I was able to acknowledge the BS I put up with and vow never to allow it again. Remind yourself a man is an accessory, nothing to depend on. You need nothing from them, so let them impress you and TRY
hello from an ex-muslim! first of all, i'm sorry to hear of your recent dating woes.
my only advice is that above all else, work on yourself. when you're not mentally ready, you will not be able to date with your best mindset.
Muslim woman living in europe here too, i totally get your pain.
What I would do is stay away from men, dating apps are shit especially if you want to marry a man who genuinely is a muslim (idk if you do) they probably wont be on dating apps since those are usually just for hook ups anyways.
I would join a muslim group only if you think you can handle being around possibly shitty ones. I love my faith and it gives me a lot of happiness (helped me implement FDS rules before FDS, which made me believe in this community) but the people ruined EVERYTHING. Muslim men specifically, like the example you listed, they can be the biggest snakes. You have to be extremely careful not to get dragged into their misogynistic ideals they try to justify with religion. But if you think you can handle it I would recommend joining. Its good to have a community especially as a WOC.
Focus on your career goals, the career posts on here help a lot too to motivate you.
Choose hobbies, make friends, fill your calender. Being busy helps with not thinking about men.
Read the handbooks and posts again if you havent, to internalize these values you need time and to actually believe in them deeply. Once you do, it will come to you automatically I promise.
About the warning profile, what do you mean by that?