.png)
So I live in an apartment complex and earlier today I decided to enjoy some sunshine on the rooftop of the building and do some reading. There was another tenant doing some sunbathing, so of course I sat enough of a distance away from him. After a while, I heard him huffing and puffing, but I continued to try focusing on my book. Eventually, he said "excuse me" and asked if I could help him get up. I was very uncomfortable, but since no one else was around (and I guess female conditioning?) I agreed. He's probably in his 60s or maybe 70s and was struggling to get out of the chair and stand up with his walker. I told him I didn't think I was strong enough to help him up, but he insisted he just needed someone to help stable him. After I reluctantly helped him up, he hit on me and make a comment about how it's been a long time since a beautiful woman has helped him. I wanted to throw up. I still feel icky and violated for even touching this old crippled (and sweaty 🤢) man.
Ladies, how could this have been avoided? If it were an old woman who needed help getting up, of course I would have happily helped. Had I not decided to go on the roof, this man would have been all alone, and then what? He'd have to figure out a way to get himself up. Ugh, I hate how we're conditioned to be good people, and then seemingly get taken advantage of. I guess I was afraid of what would happen if I said no? It's like sexual violation is the price we pay for being safe. I feel disgusting, and I'm going to feel scared running into this man in my building again. Cringe.
What I would probably do if I was prepared for it would be to say “I don’t have the strength to help you, but I’ll get a man to help. If he tries to insist just say “No, I’ll go get someone to help you” AS you walk away. Don’t wait until he’s done talking. Then call maintenance or something and say there’s an old man stuck on the roof. I bet he would instantly get his old ass up himself the second you left.
Once when I worked at Macy’s, a creepy old man with a walker asked one of the really young girls working there to assist him in going to the bathroom. She came to me and asked me what to do so I got the dept. manager. The manager just said “We don’t offer that service.” A male security guard kindly offered to help him but of course he changed his mind right then and suddenly didn’t need help after all.
Idk why are we being so polite??? Can't we just normalize being mean to old men? Work in waitressing for a couple years and it will come naturally lol.
"Get yourself up old fart"
"Nah you can do it I'll cheer you on" clap like a seal and praise him like hes a toddler when he gets to his walker "omg you put in your big boy pants and did it!!"
Also you are lucky he wasn’t a psychopath. Ted Bundy was famous for parenting to be crippled to lure good natured women to help him. As a man, he should know to ask other man for help. And with his condition he should have thought far enough ahead. Next time I would say, sorry I don’t feel that it’s appropriate/comfortable for me to assist you but let me find someone who can and then leave if he gets nasty.
To avoid this in the future, I’d say “I’m sorry, I (recently had surgery/am recovering from an injury/some other physical excuse) so I truly can’t help you-we could both end up hurt. I was actually just about to leave. Do you have a phone so that you can call someone to help you or should I call 911 for you before I leave?”
The super nice phrasing is so that he won’t lose his shit (hopefully).
That uncomfortable feeling was your intuition warning you.
I might have done the same thing as you, anyway. These guys know how to use our empathy against us! But we really need to remember not to brush our intuition aside.
This reminds me a bit of a story I vaguely remember from the My Favorite Murder podcast. One of the podcast hosts was in a parking lot, and a guy called out to her from his car like "excuse me! Can you help me?" She got an uncomfortable feeling, so she got out of there yelling "hell no!"
We should all strive to be more like her 🤣
"Let me go get somebody" and leave without engaging any further.
This just happened at a gym to a woman in Florida. She let in a guy "stuck" outside the gym door inside and he tried to rape her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um1xGF-GFhg
Thankfully she got away. I bet if she didn't let him in, she'd be labeled as a racist.
He was younger but yes, the price you pay for helping men, even old men is sexual violation. You're spot on. I agree with the commenters on the thread that you can get a man to help them instead. You can even fake a shoulder injury or some sort of injury as an excuse and reassure these old men that you will be right back with a man to help out. Disgusting dirty old scrote delusional enough to think young pretty women want to be hit on by his rotting old ass. 🤢🤮
I don't care how big of an asshole this effed global patriarchy labels us to be for not helping old men, we shouldn't. We should put our safety first. Better to have everyone think we're assholes than traumatized by getting assaulted and verbally violated.
I feel for you this is majorly him taking advantage as a perverted, immoral male.
This is also something I struggle with as a Christian. We are to be charitable, helpful and of service but lately I've really put up the walls around myself when it comes to those who claim to be in need. It's often just not genuine and my safety and well being come first.
how can the existence of gross scrotes be avoided? well, i think that's the main focus for all of us here on this platform...
ironically, an old woman probably would have not asked for help. no; she wouldn't have placed herself into that situation in the first place because she knows how to plan for success...unlike scrotes who can't think more than 5 seconds into the future.
Uhg. Takes me back to dealing with my 'poor old' (Ex) landlord 🤮
Maybe you can make up for it by being mean to another man. Next time a homeless man asks you for money, be a little ruder than you need to be when you say "no". It might make you feel better.
You don’t need to be afraid of him - he can barely get himself up from a chair. However I don’t think he was as helpless as he wanted you to think. Next time you see him be bold and shame him he will avoid you forever if you embarrass him enough. Men like him are as meek as mice.
Things like “please stop harassing me or I’ll call the police!” Really loudly should do the trick