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I met this guy recently and he ticks all my boxes eg: young, handsome, successful and want long term relationships. I even looked at his instagram and he had no thirstraps/influensters or even random woman. All the women seems regular and gf/wives of his friends. He said he was in a long term relationship since he was 18 and broke up at 28 last year. I thought it was good considering he was in long term relationships and probably isn't a town bike.
Our first date was awesome and he paid for it. Then we have a plan for escape room and dinner for second date this coming Saturday. However, today he tried to ge time to switch the date from escape room to dinner at his place and watching movie while bring a bottle of wine at his place. I said no, and he is said "fair enough." I am not sure how to feel about it. He then said "sorry if it sounded too forward." I didn't say anything.
What do I do from here?
Edit: I canceled our second date and told him not interested.
First off, good job saying no. There was a time when it wouldn't even occur to me a guy who "bait and switch" a date into something where you go to his place is most likely up to no good. That's something I learned here. It's just sheer dumb luck I didn't learn this the hard way.
This guy tipped his hand by trying to be tricky. That makes how he presents himself suspect. For all we know, he only claims to be successful. He only claims to want a long term relationship. He only claims he was in a long relationship to give the impression he's not a town bike.
He says "sorry if it sounded too forward"? Wow, a shitty non-apology! Like "sorry if you were offended". He's implying he didn't do anything, you're taking it the wrong way. Bullshit, he knew what he was doing.
Or, if we give him a lot of benefit of the doubt, then he's a guy who has no clue. He'd require training like a puppy that keeps shitting all over your furniture, except more trouble and not as cute. (But seriously, this is too much benefit of the doubt to give to a guy you just met.)
I would block and delete. If you insist on continuing with this anyway, be very careful.
Judge people on their actions, not their words. It'd easy to think you've found a good prospective HVM and disappointing when they turn out to have been masking well, so we try to convince ourselves they are better than they are.
It's the bottle of wine that tips it for me. What happens if you get drunk at his place? You cannot drive home, and your responsibility is diminished while you are in HIS safe space. If you didn't want to have sex, what would happen?
A HVM would not be putting you in that position; he needs to build up trust first.
I say B&D
Also a squeaky clean insta means nothing. They can easily create a second account that is not on show. This guy sounds sneaky.
A man who just got out of a ten-year relationship will NOT be ready for a serious relationship the next year. Forget it. Men have a very hard time moving on emotionally from serious relationships (even if he sucked as a partner and wasn't happy throughout most of the relationship.) Even if he hadn't pulled that red flag move with the second date plans, I'd drop this guy because he's not ready. He will jump into a "serious" relationship with whoever will take him next, not because he loves her so much, but because he never processed the breakup with his ex and needs to find another source for the benefits the ex provided.
Can someone clarify what a “town bike” is? Is it another variation of “community dick”?
Read the damn handbook. Jesus fucking Christ.
He tried to turn second date dinner into drink-and-fuck at his place. He's probably laughing at you right now behind your back. He's probably licking his lips and rubbing his hands.
Before you post again, read the handbook, and build some self-esteem. If you haven't blocked him, you know what to do.
Update:
Downvoted for what? FDS is not about coddling the feelings of users who clearly haven't read the handbook and are a danger to themselves.
The firehose of posts written by naive users who seem blind to the most obvious red flags is the primary reason for the exodus of users in the past few weeks.
BuT my fEeLinGs!
Grow up. Your feelings will thank you after you read the handbook and block and delete low-class losers from your life.
Don't like my advice? Go ahead. Sleep with the LVM who is trying to drug and rape you and doesn't even respect your intelligence enough to hide it. Let us know how it goes.