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Hi ladies,
I really need some advice! How do you deal with someone who is manipulative? This person pretends to be kind and polite to me in front of others, while taking sly digs at me.
This person has wronged me and I treat him coldly as a result. I’ve thought about returning his faked kindness but unfortunately, this artifice doesn’t sit right with me as he’s wronged me badly and artifice is generally not in my nature.
How do I wrest control of the narrative that he is trying to create?
How do I shut down his digs at me in a way that defends myself but doesn’t imply that I’m overly affected (as that would simply encourage him)?
Ideally, my first steps will be to distance myself from him and I have done so, but for unavoidable reasons, only to a limited extent. I will continue to pursue this strategy to its maximum effect, but I do need some other ways to deal with him for the foreseeable future.
Also ladies, I am aware that my account does not provide every detail. This stems from privacy concerns on my half.
Within the constraints, I’d appreciate any invaluable advice given! Thanks ladies!
The best way is to be unaffected. I assume you don't care what his opinion is, but if it is hurting you personally then you need to work through that emotionally. He is not worth your headspace. However, you are clearly in his! Well done. You earned a scrote's tantrum so you must have done something right. When he gets mad he is showing that you have power over him. Enjoy it :)
If it's safe to do so, you could laugh at him and call out why what he says is BS. "You didn't think that when you..."
Or you could play dumb. Take everything literally, so when he gives you fake kindness be fake grateful. When he aims a sly dig, ask him to clarify what he means. Nasty undertones do not survive the light of day.
If you can't avoid dealing with him, use the gray rock technique. When he tries to get a rise out of you, act like you didn't hear it or catch it. When he's fake nice to you, don't be rude or nice back--just be as boring as a gray rock. Don't ask him questions and don't answer his with more than one- or two-word answers. Don't show emotion, don't be his friend, but don't act like you're mad at him, either. Feel free to check your watch, fake a yawn, or excuse yourself mid-sentence while he is talking to you. You don't owe him your time or energy and you've already wasted precious moments of your life even giving this dude the effort of this post. No reactions from you takes the fun out of it for him, and he'll move on to other targets eventually.
Ideally you'd just completely cut contact with this person but if you can't...gray rock.
Another option is to call him out subtly when he takes a dig. A question on your face and a "What do you mean by that? I'm not sure I understand".
Absence is the best response to any scrote