Need advice on shifting mindset on "finding love"

I'm so glad you're here after everything that awful scrote put you through. I've been where you're at and I'll share my strategy that led me to finding my HV husband. STOP DATING! Lose everyone's number who hits you up for a date. Those guys are making you feel miserable and lost. Buy a NICE vibrator for when you're so horny you can't think straight. It's time to take a vow of celibacy to yourself, because your body is worthy of worship and dedication. Take care of your body. Get exercise and eat a well balanced diet, bathe, wear sunscreen, and wear flattering and comfortable clothes. They say your body is a temple for a reason. Self care is now your form of self worship. Make a list of your non-negotiables for a man worthy of you. When in doubt check back with it. Keep it with your journal. AFTER you do those things: Go and do the thing you want to do that scares you most. For me it was going out alone. I always thought I needed someone with me to look out for me/someone to talk to so I wouldn't be a loser wall flower like I used to be at parties growing up. The first time I said, "fuck it" and went to a concert I wanted to go to by myself, I walked away having met 6-7 new people. Focus on meeting our female elders doing the things you love doing. She will have so much knowledge, and most likely connections to other valuable people you actually WANT in your life who are doing the things you want to do with your life. Facing the fear of being alone and fully embracing your career, your hobbies, the things you love (for me it's music and the arts) will align you to your destiny. Your soul mate is out there following his passion too, he just hasn't met you yet. Be the dream girl. Be YOUR dream girl, cause your HV man will see you the same way. You'll know it's him when he moves his whole life around just to be with you. And one more thing: you're going to attract LV scrotes along the way who are going to harass you and put you down for being The Dream Girl. Block and delete! Do not tolerate one moment of disrespect. Don't fight him, just leave him in your dust sis 💅 Best of luck sister. I know this is a little 'woowoo' but I promise we're luckiest in life when we're prepared.

OP I know it’s rough but what Millenialpink2k said really is the best advice. It is really, really rare to meet someone who simply recognizes that it is a privilege to be with you and behaves accordingly, because most men are socialized into entitlement for partnership, not gratitude (the most recent podcast episode gets into this, how even incels will state they feel like they were lied to when the obsequious woman does not manifest). I think this metric can be reflected in just how few pro-feminism male influencers exist on TikTok, and there are even fewer who have created entire bodies of work (hello Lundy Bancroft!) to support the liberation of our gender. These men exist, but they get snapped up *real* quick. As much as so many pickmes settle, at our core, women intuitively do know when they’ve found a man who is aligned and “gets it”, and barring the most f’ed up LVW, women (even those that claim not to be feminist) do want these men, because they are easier to deal with. So, he doesn’t spend much time on the market. He doesn’t require all that management that LVM do, and he enhances a woman’s life because he knows it’s his role to. That’s what every woman wants, so competition is high for HVM! There are too many negative short term grat influences on men that rewire their brain- porn, swipe apps, general boyhood socialization to prioritize the self- to have hope there is one for all of us here. It is NOT something you are doing wrong. There are powerful and wealthy men who exploit the common men for financial gain, and they don’t much care that it means healthy relationships with women for those men just aren’t happening like they could be. I know what you are feeling because it gnaws at me too. It’s a shit ton of work and it sounds cliche but it really does come down to advancing yourself personally as much as possible- exploring things you love and cultivating your strengths. You know who couldn’t do that? Our predecessors. The further back you go in history, the more you see that women never got to figure out who they were because they were constantly saddled with children, then grandchildren, and often a manchild. Or it was off to the nunnery or some menial work. In some parts of the world this is still the case…. How fortunate we are to not be forced into such scenarios, to have the freedom to do as we wish. Delight in this! Be mindful of the gift of time. Make the most of this time you can use for your own development! Do all the things you could not do if you were required to “check in” with a boyfriend on it/prioritize him. Do them NOW and as often as possible. So if you ever do pair up, you won’t feel like you missed out. Most importantly, gratitude for women who came before and fought for us to have all that…if those souls can feel that, they will appreciate it. Connect over what you love with others who love it, to be a part of a community. You may find that sense of belonging eases the sting a bit. That’s decentering romantic partnership. It’s a rough road but so many of us are walking next to you, and you *can* do it too.

OP it’s like you to took the words right out of my mouth. I feel you girl!! It’s something that I’ve been having to contend with since figuring out about FDS. I’m not there yet and I still struggle with still defining some of my worth of being coupled/married but it’s not as much as it was before. So that’s what I can say to you is it progress and gets better over time. This mindset has been ingrained in us since we were children so we gotta be mind to ourselves that we believe this way. What helps me is thinking about the quote “what makes a life worth living?”. And for me it’s the goodness that I do in the community, the friendships and family that I build bonds with and the person that I become who has lived to their full potential. When I remind myself that regardless of whether I meet my HVM or not I will die truly alone. So in this short life that I have it would be much better spent building the life that is meaningful to me. OP your comment truly resonated with me. And thank you to all of the ladies with your advice too ❤️

I didn’t even realize I needed this response. Not that I’ve been losing hope finding a good man but it’s been so overwhelming and discouraging, this comment and advice is really giving me a lot of hope and picked me up.💖 Thank you for sharing! Just hearing you say what I’ve been thinking has been really helpful!

The best advice that I can give is to get comfortable with the notion of never finding anyone. I know you're in your late 20s and want to meet someone, but statistically, that's unlikely. If a HV guy happens to cross your path while you're traveling and living your best life, then that's a bonus. Otherwise, get used to the idea of being solo

“Finding love”, “ How is it in the love” these frequently said questions are lies. Love is a emotion, it’s is not a object or verb. Can you imagine saying “Finding sadness” “How is it in the sadness” I recommend you to see the word love for its real meaning and now you will know that it is not a thing someone has to give to you in order to experience love. You will experience love every day because you naturally love yourself, you always do the things you like to do and you feel love when someone does something you like for you, the emotion is within you always!