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Hey ladies!
I would love to hear your advice on some recent feelings I’ve been having with keeping up spirits during dating and accepting staying single in definetly (if don’t find man that reaches my standards).
The handbook does a great job breaking down the practical steps on what to do when approaching first date, how to handle conversations and upholding boundaries etc. But one thing that I’ve been very recently struggling with is keeping a positive outlook when it comes to dating men and dealing with my emotions of staying single indefinitely (if they don’t meet my standards and values).
I joined FDS at the end of March and an area I love about myself is my optimism, romantic nature, compassion and passionate spirit. In the past, I used to put this energy towards the men I date (send sweet message, make elegant foods, listen to their frustrations etc.) basically all of the therapy-mommy-banging minus banging (waiting for marriage & only boundary didn’t allow men to cross). I appreciate FDS so much as I have now put all of that “giving” energy towards the women in my life.
But what I am struggling with is that I’m finding my optimism and romantic nature decreasing. Maybe it’s my past naivety and coming to terms with men just don’t give that same care to want to better themselves other men or us.
Maybe I’m scared of becoming cold with their audacity and the bar for them is so sub-par. I am happy with my own company but I have frustration, anger and disappointment of the current men in our generation. Especially more so now with porn and social media adding another platform for misogyny. And that feeling makes it hard to want to even put energy to go out on dates with men (of course ill be vetting and if I notice red flags their gone but I’m having trouble with not wanting to even do that). Even though I want to find that husband perfect for me. I want to be in a complementary partnership with a man and have children with him too.
I’d love to hear all of your advice on HVW ways to work on my outlook. I want to be more resilient and I really don’t want these scrotes to win and feel effected by all of this nonsense.
Hopefully this is helpful-- I've been putting the majority of my energy into fully and completely falling in love with myself/ being the partner I would want, but to myself (which, I'm not gonna lie, is a journey, not a quick fix).
I work on discovering the things I love about myself, following through on the promises I make to myself (BIG challenge for me), treating myself, forming strong friendships, developing my career so I can provide financial stability for myself and my future family--> essentially getting myself to the place that I'm completely in love with my life while being single. If a man comes along that can add to that life, groovy. If not, no biggie.
The way I see it, if you work on creating a recipe for the best cake possible, it doesn't matter if there's frosting or not.
To continue the cake metaphor: If there's the expectation of "this cake needs frosting to be a good cake" and all the frostings available suck, that'll lead to disappointment-- like, "Ugh! Why can't there be any good frostings?? I need frosting on this cake!!"
But if there's not that expectation, it's more like "Yeah, no thanks on these frostings. Anyway, time to enjoy delicious cake!"
P.S. To also touch on the family point-- I know that one day, I do want to be a mother. And if I'm a single mother by choice either through adoption or a donor, that's fine by me. Because, let's be real, there's a TON of women out there who find themselves to be "single mothers by surprise" even with their husband is still in the picture.
Get a new hobby! Something you've always wanted to do but wasn't sure you'd have the time for.
Volunteer! Your community needs you.
Spend more time with family!
Get into different music or literature genres. This can help lead to new hobbies down the road too.
Having a good social group, and a good regular group activity is a lifesaver. I love my yoga classes (and gym for this) it keeps me off my phone, makes me feel good, and takes a good chunk of my day doing something that is good for me. Making your self care take up your social time can seem scary and isolating- so hack that and make it a spa day w the girls, or a workout class and dinner after or just a regular workout class. The social aspect is the key to this bc it fulfills you outside of dating
i’ve been putting my energy into staying busy and working on myself