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Hey everyone,
I recently moved into my dream home after enduring years of poor living conditions with my former landlord. However, I've found myself living under a couple that I suspect has some toxic traits, and I could really use some advice on how to navigate this situation.
After my landlady shared my number without my consent, the boyfriend upstairs started messaging me. Initially, he seemed friendly, but his tone quickly shifted to questioning about my cats I had in my WhatsApp photo, warning me on the day I moved in that I shouldn’t let them wander because his dog might bark at them.
This behavior raised immediate red flags for me. Instead of a genuine neighborly introduction, I felt more like I was being policed by a stranger. Things took a terrible turn when, just after New Year’s, I was attacked by their large dog in our shared hallway. The dog lunged at me, biting my arm hard, but thankfully, I was wearing a thick jumper. The girlfriend didn't seem concerned at all, even when I showed her the bite. I did follow protocol and had to report the incident to the police, leading to a hospital visit, but still, no acknowledgment or direct apology came from them until my landlady requested one.
The situation escalated as I insisted on ensuring the dog was muzzled after that incident and them leaving a lot of mess in the hallway and expecting me to clean it up which meant i had to set boundaries again . After several failed communications, I eventually had to confront the girlfriend, who appeared intimidated before saying she felt too uncomfortable about my behaviour to update me (Which is weird exuse because I wrote clearly to post a note.) and I've been only assertive but also emphatic in my communication. After I calmly reminded her that I felt uncomfortable when her dog bit me without an apology, she abruptly slammed the door on me. She did tell me that the dog is now finally muzzled which is all I wanted to know.
To make matters worse, I’ve just paid several months' rent, so moving out isn’t an option for me right now. I am also in the process of making a claim against them forthe bite. As part of my efforts to create distance, I’ve set clear boundaries with my landlady going forward and have blocked the couple on my phone.
I took the step to warn neighbors without mentioning names in the WhatsApp group chat about the dog bite, knowing that this couple was included. I felt it was necessary because I was concerned for the schoolchildren who pass by our area, with a dangerous dog around.
However, I can’t shake the feeling of guilt, even though I’ve been assertive throughout this situation. I worry that assertive women living alone can be misinterpreted as aggressive. It makes me question if I’ve been too harsh or if my concerns come off negatively.
At this point, I’m feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to deal with these neighbors moving forward. Has anyone else dealt with similar situations? How can I ensure my safety and peace in my new home without escalating the tension? Any strategies or advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance for your help!
OP, here’s some suggestions for the future:
When someone other than yourself gives out your phone number, social media information or WhatsApp you are under no obligation to respond to some random person- no matter who gave your information to them or the supposed purpose.
Please delete identifying pictures from your WhatsApp and make social media accounts private.
Moving forward only if necessary give out contact information to your neighbors if they themselves ask for a legitimate reason. And then only give a phone number. Do not join neighborhood watch type apps or groups. Mind your own business and keep your name, contact information and business out of neighborhood groups and chats.
If a business or landlord or other professional asks for something other than your phone number (like WhatsApp) deny having accounts.
While you didn’t say why you gave out your WhatsApp to your landlord in the first place it easy to assume that the landlord mentioned some sort of pre existing neighbors group chat. To be completely transparent that sure sounds mighty suspicious and like a definite place to find trouble.
And unfortunately for you when you responded to some man who turned out to be your neighbor to the extent that he was giving you grief about your cats and warning you his dog was aggressive you were building rapport in his mind and demonstrating a willingness to engage with his bullying. Even if you stated boundaries after the fact. Be far more strategic with strangers in the future.
From now on keep things on a professional footing. All relevant information should be sent through official channels that are documentable. Remembering neighbors are not necessarily going to be good people, follow rules or look out for your general welfare.
Most importantly learn the warning signs of dog aggression and behavior that demonstrates that they are going to bite you. Never rely on the owner to stop the attack or be able to use the leash to restrain the dog. Muzzles can be useless if not properly put on - moreover having a muzzled dog knock you down and scratching and whatever else can injure you. STAY AWAY FROM THAT DOG FROM HERE ON OUT AS LONG AS IT DEPENDS ON YOU! Do not use “defense spray” on that dog unless that dog enters your legally designated space like your actual home or fenced yard and tries to attack you. Why? Because defense spray may not immobilize the dog or stop the attack it could have an opposite effect and all sorts of really awful things could occur. Moreover if the dog is injured or has a reaction or something else untoward happens during some incident where you spray that dog it could have you civilly and criminally liable.
While you may share a common entrance and hallway and your neighbors should blah blah blah about their dog and whatever else fuck shit and nonsense they’ve created is wrong blah blah blah and you’re right so on and so forth- here’s the thing: you know exactly how they are and how they are obviously more than willing to engage in this behavior. Your best tactic is to “grey rock” them and give no response. More than likely they will move on to the next person willing to do combat with them.
If you truly want to lessen the tension that you describe as pretty considerable between you and your neighbors think about moving.
However if you’re staying stop as far as it depends on you creating new or continuing on with any conflicts. Brainstorming all the possible scenarios where you could be the problem and eliminating those possibilities. Consider dropping all claims and stop making complaints if possible and ignore your neighbor’s very existence like your peace and happiness depends on it.
Otherwise you’ve been given really good and reasonable advice by other posters about keeping records and such.
Stay safe and hopefully things will improve.
OP, avoid them as much as possible and document all incidences with as much proof as you can. Keep a running log with dates, times, and important details (and pics if pertains). If they are coming down the same hallway, get going the other direction for a bit. I know it's not a fun way to live, but to avoid further issues it is best. Get better control of your pets if you need to. Not sure where your cats were wandering?
There are bad dog owners and bad neighbors by the bazillions out here. I would block his number and I would have a chat with your landlord about why your # was given out (wtf?). Document that conversation as well and get it in writing/email. Courts favor emails over texts. Don't feel bad about needing to be assertive (but do also make sure your pets are under control, too). Stay away from these two, do not meddle, and document document document. You might be looking at having to move soon, and if you need to break a lease it will be easier and cheaper if you have everything documented.
Divide and conquer. Send her an anonymous message that her bf is cheating with " you", that you've been in their appartment, describe the stuff you've seen. Let them break up and move out.😈