Hello sisters, My friends, who are both HVM and HVW and honestly they are a great example of what a couple should be (he treats her like a queen, takes her out regularly, romantic and great father etc) were talking to me about the men I had going out on dates. After a while they both told me they thought I was segmenting the dating pool too harshly because they noticed I only match on dating apps with men who have a good job. I want to say that this is true and it's a very important point for me. I only dated broke men, and I don't want to go through the struggle again. I want to be pampered and have a comfortable life. One of my biggest reasons for this, is also, the fact that I have a good job myself. I want someone who is an equal match to me, as I only seem to attract men who have rly low end jobs. Nothing against it, just don't wanna do it again! The reasoning my friends gave: - Men who put their job positions on dating apps are clearly trying to show off. - I am missing an opportunity of finding a great partner. - They themselves have a lower position kind of job, and I know it might be because of that too. I explained I have matched with men with these so called 'lower' jobs and that either a)they dont' see it because when I show them their profiles they don't put that information (which to me shows they are insecure and hiding it). b)their style of life is simply not what im looking for. Anyway, I was wondering what are yalls thoughts on this?
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Your standards are YOUR standards for men YOURE going to date in YOUR own life. It has nothing to do with anyone else.
You're doing the right thing by only dating men who have good careers. You must think of your future and any future children you might have. Don't let losers tell you what you need and deserve. You already know first hand that males are jealous of women who earn more than them, and they will ruin your life. Poor men are NOT nicer than rich men. Not at all. A poor man will use you as a come up, then dump you for a younger model when he's finally successful. He'll be cheating on you, because he can't deal with you being above him. If you can't find a man who's equal or better, stay single. Men who have nothing to offer only make your life worse not better.
I value when a man is attractive and some pickme friends and relatives told me to lower my standards. All the unattractive guys I had given a chance to used to neg me and belittle my appearance. DONT SETTLE, men are allowed to have huge standards but women get roasted when they have reasonable standards aka. more than "he just needs to be a man".
If you settle and give chances again you will face the same behavior. Settling never works with men.
If you marry a man who makes less than you, then get divorced, you'll have to pay him alimony. It's completely unrealistic and makes no sense for you to date someone who makes less than you. The point of dating is to get married.
If your friends still want you to date down after explaining that, ask them why they want an unknown hypothetical man who only exists in their imagination to be able to take money from you, and why they are choosing this apparation over you. I suspect that your friends aren't such nice friends.
People who start with " Lower your standards" Are not high in value, Every high value woman I came accross said I should never compromise my happiness for a man.
So what if they are trying to impress potential swipes by putting their (good) job on their profile? They should be. This would only be an issue if he's the Owner/CEO of something (because then he might not because that's unavoidably gonna look like a troll answer, but that's an issue with OLD not your standard)
You're not missing the opportunity of finding a great partner for you (minus above caveat, but again in that case you'd miss it because of OLD)
Yes, this probably plays into it.
If you put in the work to get a high status job, you deserve an equal partner who also has that. If you are the person making significantly more money, you will have to be the provider to an extent, and that may make you unhappy. It’s the same reason a really active, fit person and a really sedentary person probably wouldn’t work. Completely different lifestyle.
Women get shamed for having any sort of standards, at all. I’m religious and when I used OLD, I said that I was looking for someone who shared my religion. Men called me “judgmental” for that.
Meanwhile on Twitter, I read that it’s a red flag for a woman to have more than two empty glasses in her bedroom because it definitely means she’s messy.
It’s easier for men to get decent jobs than women. I think of all the times I was bullied out of work due to misogyny, so don’t date a guy without a decent job, because if I had been a man, I’d be in a better position. The men who fail aren’t even trying.
Good friends would respect your standards and be supportive of what YOU want. The fact they're acting like pickmes and getting you to lower them, shows they don't respect you and want you to settle. That whole being "too picky" thing is such a crock of shit.
It's the freaking bare minimum to date a man that has a good job, regardless of what type of job or education you have as the woman.
Why? Because men were designed to be providers. Why? Because as women we are the ones who can get pregnant and then be strained and physically and mentally not as able to work and provide while we are saddles down with the burden of child-rearing. Even if we aren't having kids, women -in general -are not as strong as men. There's tons of scientific research on all of this, men and women are different, so 50/50 or a mommy bangmaid who also pays all the bills simply cannot work. If we get sick or loose our jobs or anything a man definitely needs to provide. Finances are one of the top reasons for divorce.
You have no idea what goes on in the inner world of your friend or her man. For all you know, she has settled and he thinks you should do because his wife settled for someone with a lower job. Your standards are your standards and you don't need to explain them to anyone. Make some HV friends instead that understand your point of view. No need to romanticize poverty, we live in exceptionally tough economic times. You should be springing for the best economic outcome, not a drain on your resources. Men are also notoriously insecure when their wife outperforms them at work, why bring that on yourself?
It's your life so you can have whatever standard you want. Think about how much you will regret it if you lower your standards, end up settling for a guy, and later meet a guy who matches your preferences.