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My boyfriend of four months is extremely eager for us to move in together. I am having a great time dating and spending time with each other, but I find it to be a huge elevation of the relationship status. Effectively we would no longer be just dating, but we would be playing house and I would essentially be a wife expected to do wifely duties. However, I would reap none of legal protections of a marriage. He has a huge 3-level town house in a highly sought after neighborhood in the New York City area, so a small part of me is tempted to maybe live with him half the week to enjoy the amenities, while going to live at my apartment the rest of the week. He has been so insistent about moving in together that I finally asked him, "what is it that you think we will gain in our relationship by moving in together that we can't gain otherwise?" He said, "I just want to take care of you. I don't think that's so wrong."
Of course, upon first listen it sounds like a very sweet offer but I think he is having a hard time living alone. He divorced a little over a year ago and I think the idea of replacement wife without the commitment is super enticing to him. I know I never want children or even necessarily marriage for the sake of marriage, but if I were to live with him I would like to feel protected legally, because even if I'm not investing money in the household I'll be investing my time, energy, emotional,and domestic labor. What do ladies think should I consider living with part time? If so how can I go about securing some protection? Or is it a trap to live in with him at all?
Girl, run. Too many red flags.
He's rushing to secure a live-in bangmaid to replace his ex-wife. He doesn't want to take care of YOU, he wants you to take care of HIM. Once he's got you living there, you're trapped. His mask will fall. Ignore his words and watch his actions.
A mature, high-value guy with integrity is not rushing a gf of 4 months (!!!) into his townhouse.
This arrangement benefits him at your expense. Don't fall for it.
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE WAY TOO SOON 🚩🚩🚩
He's pressuring you and wearing you down. That's manipulative. 🚩
Nope. He wants to keep an eye on you at all times. That's controlling and can lead to isolation. 🚩
Bingo! NOPE 🚩
DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN.
Read the handbook, please. Nobody reads the handbook anymore.
It sounds like you really don't want to move in with your boyfriend and the only reason that you're even considering it is because your boyfriend is being really insistent. That in itself is not a good reason to move in. If you don't want to move in with your boyfriend, don't. The point you made about how if you lived together, you'd be playing house and giving him the benefits of a wife without the legal protections that marriage brings is a very good one. If I were you, I'd tell your boyfriend that you just feel that it's too soon to move in. If he accepts it, well and good. If not, well that's a problem. A man should respect your right to say "No".
4 months? Nope
He's literally a stranger to you. He could be a serial killer. And he doesn't know you either. Sounds fishy.
If he justs "wants to take care of you" tell him to pay your rent and attach his credit card to your Uber Eats app. You don't need to move in for him to take care of you.
If your name isn't on the lease or the title, you have no right to be there. Moving in would put you at risk and create a new potential problem of you possibly being homeless if you guys have a fight or break up. It's way too soon. Just stay over a few days a week. He can take care of you in other ways.
A handbook post about this: https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/handbook-posts/handbook-posts-do-not-move-in-with-a-boyfriend
If I were you, I wouldn't move in right now. It sounds like an excuse for him to stop dating you. Once you move in, he might not feel the need to court you anymore. After all, why pay for milk when the cow already lives in your bed.
Living together part-time is OK.
I definitely wouldn't move in full time.
Sleeping over a few nights a week sounds ok.
I stopped leaving items I actually care about at guys houses. I only bring second rate items I don't care about not seeing again (ie: outdated clothes, jammies, blankets). That way if you want to break up, you do not have to go there to get your belongings in the aftermath.
I think officially moving in at 4 months is way too soon.
“Living part time” there sounds to me like you’re just staying over a few days a week, which I think is fine.
I wouldn’t keep more things over there than you can fit in your car quickly in one trip, in case things end.
No way four months is way too soon. Stay over with him if you feel comfortable but still have your own spot. Also just because you are saying how you don't have to do domestic duties. I mean if you are the only one making dirty dishes load the dish washer but I wouldn't do anything beyond what you'd do if you were staying at a friend's house
No, you are not engaged with prenup you are happy with signed.
Tell him you can take care of yourself.
Any man who is having a "hard time living by himself" needs to harden tf up
4 months? Keep seeing other men.
I read, my bf of 4 months...aaaaaand NOPE
No bb protect yourself and put yourself first!