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Hi all,
I have been seeing a female therapist. I feel it's very helpful to some extent but at the same time I feel my main breakthroughs have not been through her direct advice but through:
- reading FDS oriented books such as the rules,etc
- my personal experience
- the experience and perspective of FDSers
She is FDS aligned to some extent but sometimes she also gives me advice that I feel goes against my interests such as:
- dont take what men do at face value, communicate your needs /values explicitly (this has never ever worked for me in real life)
- ask guys out. It was when I was unsure about whether a guy was aligned with my values and she suggested that I asked to see him again to explore it further
- tells me I am too negative about men (how can i not be though???)
Any ladies had been in same situation? What did you do?
I think more women would do better with a financial advisor or business coach than with the majority of talk therapy. "Distraction/ level up" has been more theraupeutic for me than ruminating in therapy.
Talk therapy did not help me and there is little empirical evidence that it works...especially for me as a woman of color with narc parents. I have found FDS and YouTube videos more helpful.
It has been more helpful for me to go to dance classes and painting. Talk therapy for me was me ruminating, getting bad advice (like you need to live with your boyfriend before marriage) and being told to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Most women don't need to talk about or examine our "process our feelings". We need to learn how to be decisive and self- validating. Also, being financially stable/independent is key to feeling agency and more important than therapy.
I don't have any advice. Your post just has me thinking what it would be like if there were more therapists who were radical feminists. I think that kind of therapy would be beneficial for so many women. I believe FDS values need to infiltrate every aspect of society. I think it would save so many women.
I have seen a lot of therapists and mental health providers and honestly you should be pretty selective when it comes to who you choose! If it is not a good fit, and she does not align with your views, I think it would be a good idea to shop around. My current therapist has a background in domestic violence and honestly she is the best one I have had because she does not cater towards men in any capacity.
You can look on Psychology Today for a list of providers in your area and read their profiles. Also, you can send a message and set up a phone call just to make sure your therapist is going to be a good fit for you :)
Yeah, I had a therapist for my family problems and bisexual identity a few years ago and she helped me a LOT, but outside of those two specific problems she was the most annoying, libfem pickme ever. She really tried telling me to watch “feminist” porn to get over my ex. Sigh. I have more bad things I could say about her, but honestly, I dropped her and haven’t looked back. I did try another therapist, but she, too, was a libfem pickme and so I’ve stopped going to therapy to try and fix problems that can just be solved by burn books, vetting, and close friends.
After my experience I do think more women would benefit from FDS advice rather than seeking out therapy for relationship advice. Most therapists are pushed to be these ultra sexiposi, pro porn, pro bdsm, pro prostitution libfem nightmares and it’s not good for women’s health to have these insane pick me mindsets pushed onto them when they’re so vulnerable. We need more FDS advice pushed so women can actually focus on finding healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Hiya - therapist here.
Here's your problem: "she also gives me advice." It's not her job to do that. It's her job to help you find out more about you and your patterns, and how you best want to resolve things.
Therapists are human; if I wander in to advice territory I give it a warning label. Advice is after all an opinion, and the therapists opinions don't belong in the room - yours do. What she can do is challenge your opinions or suggest where they relate to your patterns.
Try another therapist if you still want one. While you might not need one, it does speed up the process of emotional resolution.
And hi @ProfOci - much of the work I do with women does indeed revolve around boundaries.
There was an excellent post here on PickMe therapists vs great therapists recently.
https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com//forum/mind-body-soul/thinking-about-quitting-therapy
Therapy could be just a part of your level up process. Use other tools at your disposition such as FDS to get where you want to go. And maybe ask your therapist to stop giving you advices all together. I did just that cause I was also tired of the bad advice and that is not the reason I go to therapy for anyway. I go there to have better insight on the way I function and that has helped me a lot to have a good sense of self and grow some love for myself.