Men who fake being ok with paying for dates, then a few months in do a 180 🙄

"he said 'it's good that she's willing to pay and not have him pay all the time.' He later asked me if I expect the guy to pay for all dates and would there be a scenario where I pay/split it."

I think he nailed the coffin shut on your relationship right then and there. He told you, in no uncertain terms, what he would like to see in a relationship. Sure, he was polite and curious (versus condescending or confrontational) about it, but make no mistake, he expressed how he felt.

This man is a 50/50 splitter in sheep's clothing. Move on before he wastes any more of your time.

"What gives here?! Why do they pretend to be a certain way, stringing you along for a few months until you are attached to them?" I think you're going at it from the wrong angle, and it's important to understand the reality of the current culture to not get blindsided. We somewhat overemphasize here at FDS a specific, newfangled brand of 50/50 scrote, the one who want to split every single date starting from the first one, a state of affairs obviously borne from the popularity of dating apps. But that does NOT mean that a man that pays for dates for the first months is some sort of devious deceiver who consciously pretended to be a FDS-approved HVM to reel you in. He was ALWAYS a 50/50 scrote of the less recent variety, simply acting his socially approved script and expecting YOU to act yours: at some point he expected you to start reciprocating, saying "no this time is on me" and he would have graciously accepted. And why not? 90% of the women he could have interacted with would have absolutely done that and thought him a very nice gentleman too. That's how dating works in the world at large these days, outside specific subcultures. I don't want to be a doomer but it's IMPORTANT to realize that FDS principles are VERY VERY UNPOPULAR right now in this rotten culture. Women are not born with them hardwired. A LOT of behaviour scrotes act out are the things women at large accept with a smile and a thank you. That's why FDS is not about finding a HVM but leveling up and enacting a perspective shift on yourself. The HVM/LVM distinction is just one single tool that serves that purpose, mostly to shine a light on the rotten state of the average male.

My most cynical assumption is he doesn't quite think you're worth dropping but he needs you to subsidize the cost of his time spent with you to free up his money for something/someone else. The money was available when he was courting you in the beginning and now it is not. What does he need to spend it on instead? There's your answer.

I have experienced the same with a guy wanting to split the bill after 2.5 months of dating (not in an exclusive relationship yet)

He ended up dropping a second red flag that he watched porn so after that it was easy to block and delete.

I'd recommend pulling back from the relationship and keeping an eye out for a second red flag. Once you see it, you can B&D free from any doubts of "what-if." Remember that most men are LVM, no matter how HVM they present at the start.

Some men have this misguided view of equality that it's "good" when both people pay sometimes in a relationship. I mean, even women think this. They think it demonstrates that the woman doesn't "need" a man. I understand where this idea comes from and some people really don't think past that superficial idea and innocently believe that woman paying = independent woman = good. However, I think it's weird your date interrogated you about scenarios where you'd be willing to split. Like he wasn't just curious and trying to understand, he insinuated that he thinks it's unfair for the man to pay all the time. Whether he was truly convinced by your explanation though, I don't know. It's not like men are unable to understand the woman's side of an issue at all, but most of them will play dumb or just tell you what you want to hear. I don't really know. I think it's getting rare for men to grow up with the unshakeable idea that the man always pays especially when libfem ideas are so prevalent. I often feel that those who do insist on paying all the time can be "old guard" patriarchs who are just as misogynist even though they do "provide" (but act like they buy services from you by providing). Weirdly, I think the ideal stance for a man to have is that he offers to pay and wants to treat you but he would let you pay if you said you wanted to – sounds counterintuitive, but I think a man who feels emasculated by a woman's financial freedom is a red flag too. My own partner let me go 50/50 once (pickme tendencies are hard to shake) BUT he made sure to tell me that he doesn't expect this of me and that he had wanted to treat me. So after that I didn't offer to pay again, haha. So yeah, he should want to be generous but not use it in a controlling way or to feel superior. The balance is hard to strike, for sure. In your case, it could be innocent. It's not like his mind went there on his own. On the other hand, we are extremely cautious with giving men the benefit of the doubt. Many of them are testing the waters to see if you're "cool girl" early on and I do get some vibes like that from him. After all you said it's ruined your attraction to him so it's probably best to B&D.

Complaining about this is not something a man in love does at all. There's nothing to work with here if he is so EARLY with the financial switch up like this. "Leave the first time his energy changes." Like go now.

Trust your gut.

You don't necessarily have to get out now, but if it were me, I'd keep one foot out the door and keep on going out with other people. Pull back from the current guy a bit. I bet his behavior changes soon and he'll start spending less on you or taking you on crappier dates. If he does, that's when you get out.

to paraphrase a wise woman on this forum:

"he said he liked me, so i put him to work!"

sounds like he's getting comfy and lazy very soon into this dance.

i would "next" him if was trying to adhere to FDS principles. abundance awaits.

It's time to dump him. When a man tells you who he is believe him. It does suck, and I noticed from my upper 20s and on, men get more desperate so they go to more drastic measures to pretend. It doesn't surprise me he was paying and pretending for months- but the silver lining is now you know straight from tye horses mouth who he really is rather than being strung along further.

You can do 50/50 with female roomates and female friends! Save going half for a girls night out or taking turns treating each other! Women are generally more recirpocative, generous, and understanding in friendships and as roomates.

Men who want to go halfsies should be dumped. Is he giving you half of what your date night outfits cost, half of what your transportation costs are, half of what your hair makeup and gym costs are? Is he gonna go half with you or carrying a baby? What about birth control and gyno appointment costs? My sister had to pay $500 out of pocket plus to get her IUD and the guy she was sleeping with always wanted 50/50 but couldn't be arsed to pay something towards the birth control she was getting for HIM because he didn't want to wear condoms (my sister is a massive pickme).

My point is men only want 50/50 when it immediately benefits them.

I had a dude who wanted me to repay him for the bowling, movie and dinner date with sex. To him 3 is a lucky charm and was offended when I said no. But I wasn't the one who came to him, he was the one who confessed that he had the hots for me and finds me attractive. I was in the pickme area where I was told I need to settle for bare minimum. I was the one who encouraged him to get a job before he did and I even woke up early to give him a call and tell him some encouraging words.

He thought being employed now and some dates will grand him special privileges.

Within a few months? Try within 3 dates. 🙄 even men with money are cheap. Genuinely, I can imagine meeting a guy who will pay for everything, especially without complaint.

I’ve had guys with money waste £300 on boots for themselves, but complain about spend £30 on me for 1 date.

Keep observing him while keep your heart locked in the trunk. If he makes another hint that he isn't eager to invest in you and won't mind losing you over a few bucks - drop him.

A lot of men do this. It was very common in men getting close to or above 30.

They basically pretend to be HV and wear the HV mask - they'll talk the talk and walk the walk, even when it comes to paying and planning nice dates.

Sadly, they hope to get you hooked so you'll be attached and not notice the mask slip.

As much as jt sucks, sometimes there really aren't any obvious red flags of it until the mask just randomly drops.

You have to be prepared to breakup / block delete ASAP when he shows you that he's a scrote. It hurts and it sucks. It's better than wasting more time though.

If he only asks for an explanation I think you can give it to him first. For me it was a good opportunity to explain my values and reasoning and what and why I value this in my partner. I think to the right person it shows that you are a value driven person and there is intent and thought behind your actions, not entitlement.