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There was this man who lives 1-2 hours away and he suggested meeting halfway. I live in the core of the city and he technically lives in another city, and i declined because I had to wake up early for work the next day and then he suggested halfway of that, so I guess 3/4 way for him and 1/4 way for me and we had to both take public transit. I was put off and we stopped talking because I was also put off that we had scheduled a phone call (instead of a meeting) for the next day at 8pm and I was thinking.. i didn't want to do this because it interferes with my free time so we never ended up calling. But I can see socially, it indicates I wasn't willing to compromise. I can see the importance of meeting halfway as a principle in relationships, - you give some, i give some, everyone and their time is equally valuable, and for example for a friend I would absolutely meet half way. I'm trying to learn so, do you think my thinking was wrong? I don't know if I'm justified and I fear I was being snobbish.
Thank you
"I can see the importance of meeting halfway as a principle in relationships, - you give some, i give some, everyone and their time is equally valuable, and for example for a friend I would absolutely meet half way."
He's not your friend.
He's a strange man from, I assume, the internet.
Don't worry about appearing "snobby" to a man you've never met.
I myself wouldn't get on public transit to go meet a date. The chance he's actually dateable is unlikely. Plus, him being unwilling to travel to you is a reflection of his investment. I'd say call this one off.
Here is what you do:
Block and delete that fucker's number and all his social media. Any man who suggests meeting halfway on a first date is a scrote you do not want in your life.
Read the handbook.
Block and delete any man immediately if he suggests meeting/doing anything "halfway".
Listen to your gut, if you're put off, then it might be time to end it. Remember that the relationship is yet to be established and he's already trying to cut corners.
If a man seriously interested, 2-4 hour trip is nothing. He should be the pursuer, he should try to impress you and make it as effortless as possible for you to see him. Women risk so much by meeting and being in a relationship with a man.
1 out of 5 murder victims were killed by an intimate partner. And women are way more likely to be murdered by current/ex intimate partner than anyone else. Also, men get so much benefit for being with a woman, from better living standards to living a longer life. It's not unreasonable to make men do all the work and more.
I'm not sure about car ownership in your country, but I won't date any man who can't afford to buy a car.
Um, no. Not snobby at all. If a man wants to see you he's gonna see you. I have had men take planes, trains, and drive HOURS just to go on a date. There's nothing kind about a dude expecting you to cater to him when he's a literal stranger. He could be a serial killer for all you know. You are more comfortable in your city, he should come to you. And even when he's your bf he should be taking the steps to be moving closer to you or still be the one traveling to you.
What you did was the correct, self-respecting thing. A RELATIONSHIP is give and take, sure, but you're not married to that man. He's in the stages of courting, persuing, and impressing you so the onus is on him to step up. If he can't afford driving two hours and taking you on a nice date then driving another two back then he needs to date women closer to him.
FDS advises against stuff like this - and usually for good reason. If he's not invested enough to come see YOU, then you'll probably end up getting used for sex without even getting pampered.
If it was a dude youve known for a while, with a mutually loving connection, then it'd be less iffy, but I doubt he has a great, established track record, just based on numbers.
So rarely are they happy to come to us. So lazy, entitled, cheap, all the qualities we don’t want in a man.
Years ago, I travelled to see guys, (yes, I didn't learn the lesson after the first time...
If I had let them travel to me, they probably wouldn't have bothered to visit. They didn't care about me, just wanted to use me. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.
A friend of mine travelled halfway to date, and then marry, a man. She has to buy herself her own Valentine's Day presents.