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I have a friend who's two years older and we have known each other since we were small. Let's call her Sally.
Sally has a tendency to rub people up the wrong way through being very domineering and negative. Privately I think this stems from a real sense of insecurity and tough childhood but that's by the by. Sally has been immensely successful in her professional life and has a lot to be proud of.
She can also be great company and hugely supportive but I find that Sally's competitive misery is the thing that lets her down the most.
Some examples. My wedding was called off three years ago at the start of the pandemic. Her wedding was called off a year prior to mine (in much more dramatic circumstances) and her response to my situation was to tell me how lucky I was that I hadn't lost £20k on a wedding reception venue the way she had done
I last saw her three months ago when I had been ghosted by a man I'd been dating for a couple of months (I wrote a thread on it!) She kept the conversation focused on the fact that I was lucky to atleast be going out on first, second dates because she couldn't even meet people. I was gutted about the ghosting and have since avoided her calls because I am so angry with how she handled this
Separate to this she can be kind, fiercely supportive and has been part of my life for a very long time. In a small area where our families know one another it's not a simple case of block, delete and bye bye, but I do struggle to enjoy her company knowing that she is playing top trumps on the misery stakes.
So I say something or let this friendship fade out?
I would invest in new friendships and model how to be a better friend, unfortunately many women don't know how to handle tougher moments because they don't have the emotional tolerance to sit with you in those hard moments (or in their own). Ask yourself what you needed in those moments and be that friend for you, hug yourself, and look for friendships that would give you more room to be upset. I view friendships as ways to bring out and explore different sides of ourselves and she may be great for celebrating success or coming for advice careerwise, but not someone to turn to when you're vulnerable emotionally.
I call these people “one uppers” because they always have to one up you with a worse or better story. They can’t just hear you. Annoying in a woman but absolutely insufferable in a man.
I think you could get away with the slow fade where you contact her less and less. Sounds like you’re only talking every few months already. Start only contacting her if she reaches out first and see if she lets the friendship die.
I stopped reading after “domineering and negative.” This person is toxic
I would keep her around and know that she has a worse scarcity mindset than you. I think you should tell her you think she’s successful - she might need the reminder. How much money did you lose on your wedding? I wouldn’t let go of the friendship. My personal strategy is to find new friends to phase in so you don’t end up isolated.
If you're asking this question from people you do not know it's time to let her go. The fact that you are referring to her as this 'low-value, long-term friend' means that I wouldn't be friends with you if I found out about this post.
I'm struggling to see where she's a lvf? The examples you gave don't seem terrible to me. It seems to me that she was trying to be positive, not negative,about your circumstances. She was saying, "look at the bright side. At least you didn't lose money." Or, "look at the bright side, at least you're getting dates." I don't see what the problem is here. Especially when you've said she is kind and fiercely supportive, which by your own examples, she was trying to be just that, supportive. I am struggling to see how she is a low value friend. What would have been a better response from her to those situations?