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So to get it out of the way I’m an immigrant in USA, been here a while but it’s important because currently all of my American girlfriends are what you guys would consider pickmieshas
So I matched with a guy I know I shouldn’t be OLD but Im not here to make any excuses as to why I’m on it. We get to talking and right away he invites me to a Park Date. More specifically a walk in the park. I say no I don’t leave my house for park dates (in a state with the lowest rate of covid infections And places are now open at 25% capacity) he says alright he’ll plan a “5 star date” he gets back to me a couple days later and suggests meeting in the park at 8 pm before he takes me out on a surprise. So I call him out and told him told him under no circumstances will I meet him at a park after dark. i Suggest a video chat. We do, conversation is ok. We meet for the date, and I get out of my Uber he greets me and we start walking towards the restaurant (a block away) on the walk over, he starts walking so far ahead of me I get the impression he doesn’t want to be seen with me. I think it’s weird and we get to our table, he tells me he’s in AA and divorced, took 6 years to propose and they divorced after 2 years. So the issue now is : after Our date he FaceTimed me the next day, and during the conversation I gave my opinion on a topic , which so happened to be the opposite of his, and he asked if I was always so argumentative. And it’s been rubbing me the wrong way because I dont think of myself in that way. I have my opinion and you have yours, we don’t have to see eye to eye but we should be able to talk about different opinions, so then my friend said Im mean because I don’t care about his feelings. And because I expect men to pay for the dates etc. and I mentioned the immigration thing because since I’ve moved to America this is the only place I’ve ever been considered “mean” and “sassy” without Going into my past. It takes a lot for me to stand up for myself and set boundaries without feeling guilty.
so now, I’m not really feeling him mostly because he called me argumentative. But tbh I don’t know if I’m actually being mean. Still new to this, what do you guys think? He wanted to do a lunch date but I cancelled because cramps. but I really don’t want to go out with someone who thinks I’m argumentative
I have a little experience with AAs. Run. Those people are out of their damn minds! Covert narcs pretending that they’re “doing the work” by telling women that their rapes need to go on their sex inventory and handled like a resentment. No. Look, I understand and even condone recovery values. But…chances are this person did not start drinking alcoholically because his psyche was healthy. He did it to drown out heavy duty pain. I’m not saying avoid folks who have a history of trauma, but avoid folks who think AA - a book written by two old sexist white men who had zero experience in science - is the answer. If they’re in therapy and are managing without significant interference of their illness - meaning, it’s no longer their primary focus and they’ve got 20 years of sobriety under their belt…maybe. Also, if you date an AA, their sponsor will know EVERYTHING about you. EVERYTHING.
omg AA, and divorced - stuff he should have mentioned before going on a date. No; you're not being mean, you don't have time to waste on LVM. Healthy debate is stimulating in an attraction, and if he's already got a problem with that, he sounds controlling, and a waste of your time.
Keep yourself safe
Small update: I had cancelled the lunch date because well I REALLY didn’t want to keep seeing someone who thought I was argumentative. And he went radio silent so I thought well that’s the end of things. He ended up calling me that Friday out of the blue at 7 pm (I don’t save mens numbers in my phone, so I picked up) he calls to tell me I should meet him as he has “something” planned for us. I said you know I don’t do last minute dates and why are you always so secretive. He told me I needed to “get out of my comfort zone” and that I wasn’t doing anything else with my night. Everything is screaming ghost this man. So I blocked and deleted.
You know the advice of your current cohort of pichme girlfriends is wrong, and you know what you strongly want.... Listen to your instincts! Your standards are higher than those around you, you can't expect them to understand that you value yourself and your choices. Follow your gut and stop communicating with this "match" from hell.