.png)
So, lately I've been liking the idea of just changing my appearance. I don't really know why, I think maybe it will give me a confidence boost, and I just enjoy changing my appearance. I don't know if that's normal or not.
I used to feel so sad for women and girls who felt the need to wear crazy eyelashes or get lip fillers, or who couldn't just embrace their grey hairs and immediately dye them.
Now, at age 32, I'm looking into these things myself! I think it's mainly just for fun, cos I'm not really too worried about ageing, I think I look young(ish) for my age but I could be wrong. I wouldn't be changing my appearance out of anxiety, it's probably just simply vanity.
I can't help but feel sad for some people I know irl who are in their early 20s and have had lip filler. But I'm a hypocrite cos at the same time, changing my appearance sounds like fun! But I'm worried that it might attract the wrong man, though I know many are repelled by things like lip filler though lol.
I've been brunette most of my life, experimenting with different colours as a teenager, and now I want to go blonde though I know it will damage my hair and probably will wash me out. I want to try eyelash extensions though I know they'll likely damage my eyelashes. And god knows the long term effects of lip fillers. I also have a weak chin and recently have been considering cheek filler.
But I just wondered how FDS friendly these things are. I feel like I'd feel like a bad feminist if I got some of these things done. I feel like my sister would be disappointed in me if I got lip filler.
The more normalised these things are, the more we want them, just to fit in. I don't think that's the reason I want them, I'm not conscious of that, but what if it's true?
I doubt these things will make me too much happier. They will certainly make me poorer though. And if I enhance my appearance this way, will it make me more likely to be valued only for my looks? Saying that, I can't remember the last time a man valued me for anything but that, so maybe it won't make much difference.
With regard to fillers and other cosmetic medical procedures: I dont like the idea of giving money to grifters who prey on women's insecurities and endanger our health. I also don't like the idea of medical research and resources going toward a better butt lift instead of curing diabetes.
I think it should be obvious that nothing in FDS is against changing your appearance and doing whatever you want with your body. That said, how much time and energy you want to spend is up to you. I firmly believe that the point of diminishing returns is reached quite quickly with any cosmetic undertaking. It's so easy to think "well, just this one more thing and it will finally tie everything together and I'll be ~polished~". Beauty regimens turn into bottomless pits fast. I personally decided to deprogram myself from the idea that there's always something to change and optimize about my appearance, but that's just my choice. You don't need a forum to approve of you dying your hair or whatever. If you want to, try it, and make an honest note of what it did for you and what it didn't. ETA: also stop worrying about what men might think. Every woman attracts her own special brand of LVM, sadly.
How much is too much?
If I am de-centering men from my life (FDS aligned, I believe), then: I will not view myself through the male gaze. By this logic, I will not give any f*s about external procedures and embrace my own natural beauty just as I am.
Now, this may be a somewhat radical viewpoint. And, it is. And at its core and essence, this is what I do believe.
However, we live in a mysogynistic world. We get punished purely for people female, and then even more-so for ageing.
I don't like it when women participate in the patriarchy by having these procedures done. I think they set themselves, and us all, back. And the crazy eyelash craze at the moment? Literally making themselves look like young girl children, or worse, DOLLS. This is fine for playing around, but some women will not be seen/leave home without this, and more. It's the internalised and self objectification of women. Men/the 'beauty' industry don't even have to do it to her anymore by that point. She's already doing it to herself. A profitable business model... Re fillers, botox etc I accept it more than I used to, because I while I stand firm in my beliefs, the world is not (yet) as I would like it to be, and it is what it currently is. Women get punished for being female, and again, even more-so for ageing. I don't see myself prsonally ever having a drastic procedure, but who knows if I get punished enough, who knows what I'll do. I mean I'm a pretty damn principled person so it would have to be pretty extreme... I don;t see it happening... My point is to you OP, and anyone else reading this, i at all,f you can, please take this in allll the way to your heart and core of your body and being: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE EXQUISITE. YOU ARE DIVINE.
Someone shared something on here recently that said 'All women are beautiful. The female form naturally is'. I concur.
Yes some may be more 'conventionally' beuaitful (whatever the hell that means, honestly, every woman ends up just looking the same? BORING), and I don't discount 'pretty privelidge' etc etc... but it's amazing what an inner glow and confidence can do for a woman wholoves herself and knows she's all that.
Do whatever you want, but fillers always look terrible, no exceptions, and the more you use it, the worse it gets. Legit don't understand the appeal. Baffling.
I don't think we're against changing your appearance necessarily.
We talk about make up and skincare a lot on here.
However, I'd advise against getting fillers. They always end up looking bad. Anyone you see on reality tv that looks "off" probably has fillers in their cheeks and lips.
It won't make you look younger if that's what you're going for.
I'm not against cosmetic surgery, but I do think there's problems with it. If you change something on your face, you'll find something else looks off, because you've changed something and youll just keep getting surgeries done and you'll end up with a bad look.
It always preys on our insecurities that men have created for us.
Although, I have the same argument about make up.
I'd say if it's something you really want, go for it. But just realize it's never just one thing.
I think the line for me is where changing your appearance has high risks or causes unnecessary damage. I would put most plastic surgery in that category- unless there is a medical necessity for it. I'm not going to damage or risk damaging my body to look more conventionally attractive.
Filler falls in the above category for me, I'm not willing to risk migration.
Working out, eating well, skincare are beneficial for the body, so I make those priority.
Eyelash extensions, nails, flattering clothing etc., are (mostly) neutral so I have no issue in doing them. But if there was ever a point where they started to damage the body or have adverse affects on other areas of life (e.g. finances, timekeeping) then I would stop.
I also refuse to change my hair colour or texture. I experienced a lot of racism when I was younger and now as an adult I refuse to change those features, even if I would be more conventionally attractive with lighter straighter hair.
How you demand to be treated is much more important that how you look and what 'cosmetic' choices you make.
FDS is pretty much "don't do anything major, super expensive or potentially harmful"
A woman can wear a burlap sack and no makeup and still be a complete pickme.
Follow the Handbook, listen to the podcasts (especially the ones on strategy) and you'll be fine.
imo there is nothing wrong with experimenting with aesthetics and fashion choices as long as they are within your budget and not harmful. Do what makes you happy.
Maybe try sculptra