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I've been seeing a lot of discussion on my socials about life as a single woman. The ups, the downs. Even a stat that's been passed around that single, never married women on avg spend $500k more than their married counterparts.
I never want kids. I'm childfree. It's very likely that I'm going to live alone for the rest of my life. I personally love living alone so it doesn't bother me. I've never lived with a man, but I've lived with my sister for a few months before going solo. I found from that experience that I am better when my place is all mine and I get to control the smells, temp, furniture, decor, etc.
Yet some women were commenting that they live alone and they're miserable. That they cry every day... I don't get it.
I'm in my 20's, I'm 22. While I can say that I do miss the sweet, romantic parts of a relationship, I am certainly not miserable alone. I enjoy my solitude, my peace, my home. Financially, after all my bills are paid I still have thousands to play with. I'm doing great. I've also been living off of $12/hr and super poor, too. I know what it feels like to have to pay for food with the last few cents in my pocket.
Even that poor, tho, I was grateful that I got to go home after work to my own place where I could sit on my couch by the fire and crochet or go to my office and play sims.
Am I the outlier tho?
I think women who don't enjoy it lack hobbies (or connections) interesting enough to occupy their time. You've got crocheting and sims, I've got gardening and civ, but patriarchy encourages women (especially younger ones) to waste so much of their time on pursuing activities that just serve the interests of men (e.g. makeup, fitness motivated deep down with the hope that you'll be physically attractive, fashion etc.) that if those activities don't actually lead to getting a man their worlds are left basically pointless and empty.
Ever notice how NVM seem to magically detach from women who can do so, so much better than them? Most of the time it's because they're really into a game or an addiction - they found some stupid bullshit to occupy their time, but women are collectively raised to have nothing occupy our time other than men.
Same. What I need is a job not a man or kids. I’d rather live by myself in a ramshackle than live with anyone right now. I need my intimate spaces curated for my taste and needs for my mental equilibrium.
I love living alone and it's so good for my mental health!
It's really important to me to have a safe space where I have control over potential stressors (I'm on the spectrum, so this may be a me-thing) and don't have to accomodate other people, especially after a long workday. It was only when I started to live alone that I really noticed how much stress roommates (even family members) had caused me every day. It was like constantly being on alert. And now that I'm not forced to socialize when I'm not in the mood, eat things I don't want to eat, tolerate noise and mess I don't want, be mindful of other people's schedules and so on, my life is so much better. I'm not lonely at all. Being able to control how and when I socialize makes me enjoy it a lot more than before.
People sometimes ask me "But what do you do there all alone?". Whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, however the hell I want. That's the beauty of it.
Life is much the same as a 50+ SINK. I was married twice for 25 years, the second time happily overall but sharing space, never again. I get that down to my bones. I will say that the older I get, the more introverted I become. I want to keep reaching out to people and not wall myself off. Church helps, seeing family each week, social events, all of it helps.
The older you get, the more you'll probably appreciate being single and childfree. Especially when you're in your 30s and you see your married with children counterparts and they are just looking EXHAUSTED. And the husbands are often useless weed addicts.
People who are miserable don't have hobbies. The fastest way to be happier no matter your income, is having hobbies and making great connections with other people. Usually friendships and family are more fulfilling than romantic ones, and the proof is in the divorce rate. :) Another thing is they are failing to meet an expectation that other people (society/family) may have set for them. For me, a huge source of depression was not being married or having a family of my own, because I'd been raised to see that as a pinnacle of life. So yeah, when you fail to meet the expectations of your family or society, you feel lesser. I have turned that around for the most part though. Thank you, therapy.
I'm 34, been single since I was 28. I was only miserable when I didn't have hobbies. Now I have several. Learning electric guitar, listening to music, really picked up on my reading (thanks Booktube!), drawing, container gardening, journaling, random DIY stuff. I see a therapist and make a point to get out of my apartment often. I have a full-time job that I'm very good at and enjoy learning new things. I'm also going to do more empowering things, like take archery and gun classes and learning to swim (when I have a water phobia). Not everything has to be solitary obviously. Take classes with other people, join a local club or sports league, hang out in coffeshops and become a regular, whatever.
I too absolutely love living alone, just me and my bunnies pls. After growing up in an abusive drama filled household, my peace and own home is worth its weight in gold. The freedom to decorate how you want, have your home be as clean as you want is such a privileg, idk how people don‘t appreciate that??
I’ll happily be childfree and single for the rest of my days if It means i never have to deal with a scrote invading my whole life again
Yes! The peace is unmatched. Here’s the thing-if you’re happy and self sufficient, the only company you’ll accept is company that adds to your happiness. I noticed that once I was happy alone, I stopped putting up with men’s bullshit way faster. I’m 28 so good for you for figuring this out by 22! 🎉
No, you're not the outlier.
I suppose that living alone is not for everyone. Every woman is different, some enjoy sharing space with loved ones, some want kids and a family, and some don't feel the need to choose that path and are happy living their life solo. Nothing wrong with either choice really. The women who are miserable when solo could be for multiple reasons (I believe that it's not as simple as not having enough hobbies). Sometimes it feels like the women who never got married and are now living on their own, miserable, is because deep down they wanted a family and kids but for whatever reason, that didn't happen. Same with women who never wanted kids but due to social pressure ended up having them, and are now miserable. Most women mourn the lives they once had before having kids, and some women mourn the life they never got to have (marriage, kids, a golden retriever, big house). Some women got the chance to live 'their dream life' only to discover that the dream was a scam. All experiences are different but it's really not that simple, is it?
Be happy that you figured out at such a young age what path is the one for you. And let's be supportive of the women who chose wrong and now regret it. Nothing wrong with wanting to live alone, nothing wrong with wanting a family and kids. I'm only happy that women at least can choose, because for the most part of history, we didn't have any options...
SINK in my late 30s here! Never been happier to push off the decision to marry (unless it’s to a HVM, and I accept that may never happen) and remain childfree. I stopped dating a year and a half ago after spending 10 years being a desperate pickme. There is nothing like it - the peace, the freedom, and knowing that my money is mine to spend and save as I wish. I finally internalized that I don’t need a man to be happy. I spend my time reading, writing, doing more self-care activities, improving in my career (I finally am becoming more assertive and confident after decades of being a passive-aggressive doormat). I work out more regularly and picked up jiu-jitsu. And when I have time, I play the video games that I love. I can use my vacation time to visit friends and family around the world vs blowing money on “vacations” with scrotes where I have to pay for most or all of it, and just mostly do whatever they want.
In contrast, many of my peers who are married and have children just look so...stressed and tired all the time.
I do live with my family at the moment to save up money after I spent way too much on useless, stingy L/NVM. But, I’m actually happy to spend money and time on them because I know they truly care for me. No more coming home to an abusive or lazy or generally absent male. And most importantly, my stress levels have gone down significantly.
Honey, you're not missing a damn thing by not having lived with a man. I've did it for a stress inducing 5 years, and it was absolutely awful. Just go to r/breakingmom and see every woman living with a man is talking about how she either wants to kill herself or run away. Their posts are very scary and they're all saying they're "having a nervous breakdown" or "rage crying" Or writing "Fuck you asshole," in beautiful script in the steam on the shower door for their husband to find later or locking themselves in the bathroom to punch and hit themselves out of stress. Pay attention to posts tagged 'man rant.' So these single women who say they're 'miserable and crying every day' haven't seen anything yet. If fact, the woman on r/breakingmom routinely post that getting married and having children was the worst mistake they every made and post things like, "When I was single all I wanted was to get married and have kids, I was wrong, so very wrong."