Ladies I need your support please

It is a common tactic for low value men to pretend to be high value until they think they’ve “trapped“ you. This behavior only gets worse after you are married, and it will get even worse when/if you have kids with this man. I am so sorry this is happening to you but it seems like you know what the answer is.

It is going to hurt so bad, and it will probably take you a long time to recover from this. I experienced something similar and it crushed me but I know that I am better off being alone than I am dealing with a LVM.

Do you mind sharing some examples of your concerns? It’s hard to help you without knowing what’s going on. Sorry you’re going through this. ❤️

Dear @Snow Queen! Yes, please provide details if you can, but in the meantime, I'm sending you a big comforting hug from here.

Think of your past negative experiences, what do you regret most?: Your choice to leave? Or, your choice to ignore what you knew in your gut while prolonging your own suffering? My guess would be the later. I know that’s true for me. I’m always proud of the moments I put myself first and stood by values-even against adversity. The moments I didn’t, those I regret. You’re engaged, I assume you’re both very intertwined in each others lives, and imagining breaking free from that probably feels terrifyingly daunting. But let me tell ya girl, it’s only going to be 100x harder if more time goes on, and especially if you marry the wrong man. No woman should settle for anything other than an “enthusiastic yes” when it comes to picking a partner, this is even more important when binding yourself legally for marriage. Don’t gaslight yourself. If you felt enough doubt to post this, that’s all you need to know to make the right decision for yourself. I’ll go out on a limb and assume you wouldn’t want your best friend, sister, daughter, etc to move forward with the wrong man. Give yourself the same love and grace that I’m sure you give your loved ones. You deserve it too. We get one life girl, and it’s tough enough as is. Anything you do that’s in service of your own needs, preferences, and well being is ALWAYS going to be the right move. No matter the fall out. Even if no one in your life agrees, even if you lose friends, even if it’s hell for you to untangle and rebuild, it is always the right choice if that choice suits you.

Fiance is not married. Look up something called the sunk cost fallacy. In business, sometimes a person or business owner will cling to a failing project that's bleeding money because of all the money they've already put into it. But it's better to just acknowledge that money (time) is GONE and make decisions from ground zero. Not saying you have to dump your fiance but it's easier to dump someone you aren't yet married to. Don't fall for sunk cost fallacy

Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Clarity and revelations can be absolutely crushing. Serendipitously, the most recent podcast is about processing breakups. Whatever you decide, and I think you’ve decided, please do not do it alone. Have a sleepover with the friends you can ugly cry on. There’s a saying that I swear by. “When you’re in enough pain, you’ll change”. I believe that to be true. But also, you don’t have to wait. Pain is being in a loveless marriage, at the bar drinking your face off because you don’t want to go home to your husband. Pain is watching your parents go through divorce. Ask yourself are you in enough pain right now or do you want to wait until it’s so painful that you can’t stand the skin your in? I know you will make the best choice for YOU. I wish you comfort and ease 💕

Better to leave now than have to deal with a messy divorce that could've been prevented years down the line. If you bite the bullet and do it now, you may well save yourself years of future pain.

Trust your gut and cut your losses now. "So glad I ignored my intuition!" - Said No One Ever. It's going to be hard but better to look back five years later being glad you dodged that bullet than trying to figure out how to extract yourself from a relationship with him, especially if kids are part of the picture.

Dear @Snow Queen, be strong, be smart, trust yourself. You are loved.

I think the best advice is to gather the strength and leave. If he’s showing a bad side of himself now, the behaviour will always get worse. if you stay and marry him you’ll think “why did I marry him?” And by then its harder to leave. I think you already know what to do !

stay strong!

I don’t have any advice any better than what has been given, but just letting you know you have my empathy, as I once experienced the same thing…thankfully it was not all that long into the engagement, but it is still terrifying.