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Hey ladies I have a chronic illness which retiered my IT career early. Im retiered and will not steretypically work for most likely the rest of my life and I am only 38. Although I don't work I pay my bills and I own my own humble home. How do I handle this in the dating market? I don't really tell men how I do manage to pay my bills (which is my pension, my spousal maintenance and my investments that I setup when I recieved my insurance benefit). I also published a book and that brings in a little bit of cash. Some men freak out about me not having a 9-5. Any tips or advice? Even though I don't work I am ambitious in learning about finances when I rest which is necessary for my health condition and make good financial decisions and want to work towards a small investment property for example.
Edited to focus in on the advice I am looking for.
TIA :)
Any man who is concerned with how I spend my time is the trash taking itself out. It’s simply too ignorant a mindset for me to conceive of spending my time around.
I don’t have a 9-5 because that’s not the nature of my career but it doesn’t matter. It is nobody’s business but mine how I pay my bills. Remembering you’re not accountable to anyone but yourself takes practise (and I’m yet to fully master it) but is so important.
Don't mention the pension and investments, say that I receive a modest alimony (I'm assuming that's what you mean by spousal maintenance). The ones who freak out about the fact that you don't have a 9-5 are not your type. Your investments are your secret strengths. Do not expose it because again, you will attract the wrong type of men. So, look for men who have a provider mindset who are likely to add to your assets.
Gurl, it's not your job to explain yourself to any man, be paying for a man, or proving your financial worth to a man. None of this should even be a factor when dating - having a medical condition doesn't say anything about you as a person (other than the fact that you're strong), and it's not a personal failure if someone's unable to work. Why should any man care what you're bringing in? That dough is for you, let him pay! If you feel like rewarding a good man who treats you well, that's all well and good, but do it on your terms in ways that don't involve money. If you're worried about impressing anyone, work on yourself as a person and enrich your knowledge, find some hobbies that bring you joy, and be a positive force in the/your world. None of that has anything to do with money
Hey, I’m a lesbian and struggle with this. I’m 47 so a fair few years older. I just say I’m retired. They don’t need to know it’s due to health reasons.
I vet and disclose a lot longer into a relationship and defo not in the early stage of dating. It’s easier with women as there’s not the power dynamic but I’m acutely aware of it being stigmatised to not work.
Why do some men freak out about you not having a 9-5?
Is it because they think you can't support yourself? Clearly, you do.
Is it because they think you'll have a lot of free time and expect them to entertain you all the time?
If it's money they're concerned about, all you need to disclose on a first date is you have enough to support yourself. That's all they need to know until they demonstrate they're interested in marrying you, at which point it would make sense to divulge details about your financial situation.
If it's free time they're concerned about, that's up to the two of you to figure out. Maybe you are someone who needs a lot of time commitment from a man. Maybe you're not. You probably know what's most comfortable for you.
I would probably say I'm an author but I also have a couple investments that allow me to work from home.
A lot of people work from home now.
"I do freelance consulting"
Whatever you do, do not tell men about your chronic illness our about receiving disability, a pension or something else for it.
There are men out there who specifically target chronically ill or disabled women for these payments. They see them as easy, weak targets to abuse and manipulate (they should be grateful a man is even interested in them, right ?) and their disability payments or pension as free money to live off without lifting a finger. The worst of them even try to make the women sicker and more dependent on them (or torpedo their efforts to get better or more independent) to preserve their "source of income".
Just leave it vague. Saying you're an entrepeneur or a freelance author sounds fine because it easily explains that you can set your own hours but doesn't provide a lot of information about your actual job or how much money you make.
My first thought was that you're an author, just tell them that. Other thoughts:
'I'm financially free' (but might attract further probing as to how you achieved it or guys looking for a purse) and 'I'm an entrepreneur'
None of their business. If they ask, you can tell them the basics: "I retired early and do some freelance work" or whatever.
It seems it's best to look for "living apart together" relationship and men who are self sufficient. Like somebody with their own business and/or semi-retired.
Scrote logic: find a woman, who will take care of them but will also bring income.