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I saw a post today on Facebook, yet another in the series of "women who are attracted to men who keep being gigantic idiots". There are a lot of these groups, and overall, they're funny and helpful. Women point out men who invariably overstep bounds, as this post did today.
What I'm confused about is that she kink-shamed him for liking to wear pantyhose, but the guy told her within minutes of meeting her. I don't see the point of kink-shaming since shame changes nothing; people like what they like, but I just don't have to partake in it. I usually say something like, okay, whatever, that's 100% your business, none of mine... and they get the hint to drop it. If they don't get the hint, then I just stop talking. Like whatever you like, but don't push it onto me.
What I don't understand is all the people jumping on the poster for being ableist and classist. They were saying it was wrong to dump a guy because he repeated himself over and over, had bad punctuation, bad spelling, bad grammar. That to me is a reason to dump someone. Correct me if I'm wrong.
If it's ableist and classist to do that, then I own it 100%. I want someone who's articulate, who uses words in a superior way as I do, has higher education, and who is highly literate, not just basically literate, not subliterate, not illiterate. Seems to me that if a person can't write in a way that makes sense, they can't think or reason well, either. I don't know anyone who would want such a person. Maybe they have a good heart, but I want someone with a good heart AND a good mind.
My question is, how bad is ableism and classism? Obviously we all know better than to treat people poorly out in public, but this is all preference. How bad is it to have a preference and express it? When does any -ism cross the line, when it's just something you really like or really dislike in a person? Seems to me this is all pickme BS about "giving him a chaaance" and "we're all equal". I don't buy it at all. Interested to know what people think. I think someone else said it here, my vagina isn't an equal-opportunity employer, and I get to pick who I like for whatever reason suits me.
This woman was so LUCKY that he revealed his fetish within minutes of meeting her. That has never happened with me. Any time a guy has had a weird fetish he's withheld it until I was emotionally invested. Honestly, it should be illegal no to disclose these weirdnesses on the first date.
So, as I said- she lucked out. Where she messed up was that she didn't immediately cut him loose. What an absolute freak. I don't even think most women enjoy wearing panty hose.
IDGAF about ableism or classism. No man is entitled to my time and affection. I'll discriminate for any reason I want.
Sounds like he's on the beginning of the path to autogynephelia, so good on her for shaming that shit. As for being 'classist or ableist' when dating, these are just words used to to shut women up: 'Stop being so high maintenance and just be grateful when men take an interest in you; your standards are too high, you will never find a guy'. Or, as you say, 'give him a chaaaaance'. The FDS philosophy is about NOT giving men who don't meet our standards a chance. We owe them NOTHING, and this has nothing to do with 'isms'.
Hhhhmm idk some kinks need to be shamed. If you're a dude who has a diaper fetish and you crawl around like a baby, sucking on a pacifier and shitting in your adult diapers, I'm shaming!
Personally, I am classist af and I don't give a flying shit about what anyone thinks about it. I don't go out and state my preferences publicly, I simply live them. I can be nice and bubbly with everyone, but ultimately the way I dress and carry myself weeds out people who come close to me. Then there's the second big natural gate - intelligent sense of humor mostly, that if people get - I know those are my kind of people. I don't entertain just about anyone, I'm not a TV.
About 6 years back (pre FDS, bear with me) I met a guy. We had an amazing sexual chemistry and I thought that's what I needed after a particularly hard breakup. He was a chef, albeit not very educated, he loved his job. His grammar was atrocious. I'm not a grammar nazi per say, but I love reading and HATE grammar mistakes. I decided to give him a chance. I broke up with him after 2 months mostly because I couldn't bear reading his texts anymore (along with some more blaring red flags). Does this make me a bad person? Was it classist? I really don't care, my best friend and I had a really good laugh when I told her the real reason.
Yeah no literacy is not ableist or classist. See public libraries, free literacy programs, and 5 million additional reasons.
Moreover, you would be surprised and disgusted at the amount of men making 6 figures a year who cannot make a sentence. So where is the classism? These illiterate bros have plenty of class (i.e. money).
If a person is unable to read and write, it means he is either too lazy or too mentally handicapped.
Society today will find a way to twist any preference you have into something offensive or -ist to them.
Fuck em.
It's called freedom of choice, bébé. We are not whores, we are women. Free. With our own agency. These guys probably think a woman should f*ck a guy because "don't discriminate". Rape-y, much?
Men love to weaponize genuine oppression terms in order to get more women to f***k. Pickmes follow suit. Must be a say ending in y.
And besides, even if she WAS secretly ableist&classist, shouldn't they be happy a bigot no longer dates this poor, oppressed man? If I got rejected by a billionaire who owns Chinese sweat shops&underpays the wheelchair users even more I would be happy. Lmfao leftists are so dumb.
>I don't see the point of kink-shaming since shame changes nothing
I don't think this is really true. I know lots of guys who quit porn because they felt ashamed of being coomers. Shame or the anticipation of shame is usually one of the key moral emotions that helps us regulate our behaviours. I honestly blame the lack of normalized shaming endemic to liberal feminism for a lot of men's sexual deviancy nowadays.
In any case, I could still see not making a whole thing out of it and just dumping him because of the weird kink, just so he doesn't know how he fucked up so he can't be a better liar with other women.
I could not care less what others think of my choices in relationships. If I get turned off for any reason, I'm out. Men don't stick around when they get the ick, why should we?
One of the main filters here being the 'hey' or 'hey beautiful ' covert narcissist guys 😅 Sometimes I don't always use full punctuation in texts cause I hate texting but these type of texts really show they're a POS. I'll show out on punctuation when I make my handwritten stuffs in my journals.
As a soft political lefty, I have come to realise that your love life is the worst place for political grandstanding or flexing. I understand that the personal is political, but yet at the same time it doesn't have to mean that something that impacts your life immensely needs to be a space to prove how 'inclusive' you are. There's a reason why our vote and community work matters. In many cases, charity doesn't begin from home.
There’s nothing at all wrong with wanting someone who’s on your intellectual level (and excluding those who aren’t). It’s not even elitist (though there’s nothing wrong with being elitist, if that’s important to you). For me, I prefer to spend time with people who have an innate love of learning, and that doesn‘t necessarily relate to their level of education. A person without a formal education can still demonstrate a love of learning, and can still use proper grammar (with the internet, that’s easier than ever). Just like a person with a degree can still be ignorant, and have an anti-intellectualist attitude (I went to a really good school, and still met people who just didn’t give a shit about learning: just doing the bare minimum to pass and slide into employment at daddy’s company). As for the kink shaming, and the guy who liked wearing pantyhose… yeah, drop that motherfucker, and run for the hills.
Ableist and classist are not the right words in this context at all. This isnt human rights, this is dating. Dating you or anyone is not a necessity, people do it (usually) because they want to. If I dont date someone because they have a disability, doesnt mean I hate disabled people or dont care about their wellbeing. And this goes for any standard. Even if I only date royals, nobody can tell me anything, its dating! No life or death. I literally fall into both categories, I have a disability and I grew up lower class, if therefore I dont fit into a persons vision of an ideal partner, tough! Plenty of fish left in the sea.
Thanks for this post. I felt bad for being sick of having men on OLD sites, when I used to go on them, popping up who just weren't on my level