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I've noticed how it's harder to cultivate genuinely friendships ever since I started uni. Back in high school, the girls were genuinely interested in finding a BFF. Meanwhile, a lot of friendships in uni are linked to regular group gatherings as opposed to close one-on-one friendships. A lot of women also start to become pick mes at this point in their lives and will rather date a guy with red flags than develop a deep friendship with another woman. Unfortunately, a lot of pick mes perceive other women as competitors and will only be interested in befriending other women if they can help them achieve their pick me goals (e.g. by accompanying them during singles events or setting them up with single men they know). Some of my close friends during high school are no longer close to me as they've become pick mes and don't think we are compatible anymore.
It's so hard to make HV friends as an adult. How can I make HV friends?
I graduated university last year and lost 80% of my friends in a similar way. I thought they were HV but outside the fun and comfort of uni life, I realised they were all pickme/LV. Even the ones who had seemingly HV dating standards threw me under the bus for their careers or to social climb (law school was toxic af). I’m still recovering from how they treated me. Now I only trust family, a handful of high school friends and like 2 uni friends.
This year my goal is to try join more women’s spaces: events at my local library, yoga/pilates, cooking classes, team sports, etc. I'll also try meet my current friends’ extended social circles (as they might attract other HV people) and also avoid any spaces with LV people. Besides that, I’m going to revive the hobbies I’ve neglected during my schooling life... I feel that would help me enjoy my own company and remove the “loneliness” whenever I'm alone.
I can totally relate to this and appreciate your annoyance. I’ve found this to be true and it continues to be so.
It really is hard to make HV friends as we get older for the exact reasons you mentioned. A lot of women are pickmes who focus all their energy on being with any man. Seeing as they prioritise relationships with men over friendships with women, they never end up being great friends anyway because as you so rightly pointed out, many are competitive, which is due to their insecurities and internalised misogyny.
Like others have mentioned, if your HV friends invite you to things where you’ll meet other HV people, try and go. You’ll meet like-minded people like you and your friend.
Also try new things and things you like. New things could be: going for a paint and sip class or getting back into playing a sport you like.
That’s as much as we can do to find like-minded friends.