Is monogamy really the most beneficial dynamic for women?

Yes, it is. Next question

Look no further than the burden/risk of STD's and UTI's to see that yea, one trustworthy guy is better than a slew of men regardless of their character

Look at the poly community and how unhinged and drama filled they are and you’ll have your answer

One big problem is that you don’t want a man who is attracted to the idea of nonmonogamy. They are stunted, selfish, immature, and risk-seeking. Sure, women may be able to leverage nonmonogamy in certain situations. But it’s not a stable, loving, safe, peaceful life, which is what most women here want in some form or another.

I literally don't understand how people don't care about STDs.

I feel there’s a group activism element to FDS. If sex was less readily provided to unvetted men on a global level, men would have to improve their behaviour and women on the whole would benefit. I feel a key difference between being a libfem and what we’re looking at with FDS is taking our sexual politics away from being purely personal and thinking more widely.

I’m past the baby making stage so for me, dating just comes down to companionship but I want better for the younger FDSers than the nonsense those of us dating at the beginning of the 2000’s went through. I’m so impressed at the maturity and clarity of thinking of so many of the women here who are in their twenties.

For women, the only state of monogamy is marriage. And it benefits us if we vet and find the high quality man that adds value to our life. This is my first FDS post and I’ve been following and reading all through pandemic and my life has changed. And honestly, FDS speaks to a lot of the old philosophy my grandmothers taught me about men. But what did I do in my 20s? Followed the libfem nonsense and via pop media, social media and the like, picked up pickme ways. In my pickme days I would date 3-4 men at a time seeking male validation. I was unproductive, broke (because I ended up paying my own way for food and drinks), wasting time texting them and going out with them. I hated my job, my house and my life. Why? Because I sought male companionship and validation. Through my FDS education, I am renewed. During the pandemic, I dropped all the men from my phone. Never replied again to their dumb mindless texts (I don’t text men at all they must call me), and found a man that literally works for me to start a company (We are not in a relationship, I use his engineering skills only). He liked me so I said get to work. I am single. I started a company, in 3 years made seven figures and employed 13 people (2/3 are men). How did this happen? I stopped chasing idiots and now make men literally work for me. Therefore, men are only useful when they are actively working for you towards something. This is a work example but I wholeheartedly believe in marriage (parents married 50 years), because it makes them work for you, if make your standards clear. But marriage has to be with the right person for you, and requires vetting and short term dating (3-6 mos) for the right person. I‘m a math nerd and I literally have a spreadsheet I use to score all men I’m interested in and quickly move on If they don’t make the cut. Makes my life easy. FDS shows me that there are high quality men out there we must vet for, but we also must make the personal choice to be very clear about our standards and cut off nonsense right away to find our high quality husband (or choose to be single). I do not do long-term dating, FWB, or the forever girlfriend nonsense. I will never live with one I’m not married to. MEN KNOW THE VALUE of marriage. And they know right away if you are “wife” or someone they play with. I have two brothers and I went to b-school, so I’ve seen what they do with women. So keep those standards high and you will find quality; enjoy your alone time because it is a gift. You may find a man and he gets cancer, broke, ED, dies, etc. and you end up his caregiver/free therapist. I am in my forties and life gets tough. Put yourself first always and surround yourself with women (and gay guys!) that support you. Never be close friends with a heterosexual man, it is a dirty trick and causes more problems for you. I learned the hard way in my pickme hell. AND remember only marriage = monogamy. And if you want children, constantly ask yourself “will this man be a great father?“ Everything else is just guys you‘re playing with. But honestly, don’t waste your time playing around. Just do you and live your best life.

OP asked a thoughtful Q and deserves a thoughtful response even if you don’t agree with the premise. If you don’t have time for that don’t comment. Dismissing the Q with a ‘next’ response and one liner is not helpful to growing and supporting each other in this community.

I feel you're asking two different questions here. First: is monogamous commitment the best relationship model for women? I'd say yes, for reasons others have already brought up. Second: is monogamy therefore something we should seek, and be happy to "finally" aquire? I understand that the latter sounds like this red pill idea of men being the gatekeepers of commitment. Thing is, FDS is not about looking for commitment from A man, but from THE right man for you. The strategy actually advises us to decenter men and their needs from our lives and NOT work ourselves to the bone just to get "picked" by one. So if you just met a man for a first date, of course you're not looking for commitment from HIM (yet), until you have vetted him and deemed him suitable. And then he has to be just as happy to have secured your commitment (as he will be, if he's HV) as the other way around. There's nothing wrong with being happy about having found a good partner, after all. That doesn't have to mean that you wait around for that magical moment to happen. We are actually encouraged to find fulfillment in our lives regardless of men. That said, I don't think there's any use in shaming ourselves or other women for desiring long term romantic companionship. It IS indeed a goal many of us have, or rather a hope. And we are working towards that goal not by throwing ourselves at the feet of men but by leveling up our own lives so the right partner will find us as emotionally mature and content as we can be. Therein lies the difference between patriarchal conditioning that a woman's life should be striving for marriage and children, and FDS.

ETA: btw, attitude towards commitment is one of the best giveaways of a man's character. A HVM knows that women tend to have more options and therefore he'll want to be exclusive with you before someone else gets the chance. If at any point you find yourself needing to convince him to choose you, you block & delete.

Ohh shaming other women for daring to be openly emotional and crying when they get proposed? How original🙄 Maybe you can ask your question without mocking other women, can't you?

Yeah I believe the poly ones are most likely psychopaths or narcissists and will just take advantage of and exploit you if you tell them you're not interested in monogamy. It's better to have one man around who proves he's trustworthy than multiple who could be narcissist impostors. Usually narcissists as far as the men at least love non monogamy since they can use as many women as they want sexually and play all of them at the same time. I don't believe in sleeping with a man outside solid commitment or they'll just disrespect and will never value you. Just casually dating them means they won't give af if they lie and stealth and give you an std, they'd probably laugh in your face. It's better to have one emotionally committed and attached than multiple who don't give af about you. No poly guy gives af about any women or respects women.

I see what you're saying. With all the stories we hear about the male part of the couple pushing for the relationship to be "open" under the impression he'll get a lot of action, only for him to get no action and see his wife or girlfriend getting a lot of attention... men are the ones who ought to want exclusivity more than women do, if they have any sense of reality! (But most of them are delusional, as we well know.)

The idea of a scrotation is sort of in line with your idea. Though it parts ways with that when the end goal is to narrow it down to one man.

As soon as we agree to exclusivity with one man, we take the risk of putting too many of our eggs in one basket, so to speak.

You could potentially just have scrotations forever if you find that it works for you.

Personally I find it too risky if it's taken as far as sex without exclusivity. Not that exclusivity is any guarantee he will be faithful. But when there's more than one man in the equation, the chances of one of them getting an STD goes up. The chances of one of them being dangerous in some way goes up.

Everything has its pros and cons.

I believe it is, especially to have stability for future children.

How can anything that fosters jealousy in women, be beneficial to women?

I get where you are coming from. If a woman wants a bonafide relationship then yes, monogamy is the way. Most women on here want a real relationship so of course want monogamy. I haven't wanted a relationship for 5 years now. I just don't want to sleep with a pos. I definitely wouldn't call myself "poly" or any other gaslighty new age term. I'm just single.

As opposed to what dynamic exactly? Could you share some respectable alternatives? That should not include becoming a nun.

If you are surrounded by family on both spouses' side, and your husband has been exclusively approved by all of them, then yes monogamy is the best thought in about 10,000 years of humanity.

There are many perks for women with monogamy. There is way to much to go into in a comment, but, the first is couples privilege. Marriage is treated differently (at least in the US) and you get financial as well as societal benefits. That includes things like seeing your spouse if they’re in the hospital as family and tax credits.

The other benefit I would mention is that if you’re following FDS strategy and vetting for an HVM, you will be treated as such and that is a benefit in itself. All you need to do is look at all the posts from the subreddit of women who have benefited from being treated well by an HVM or men in general as they are being pursued.

Lastly, the biggest one is that casual sex or fwb situationships are extremely risky to women in many ways (I’m older, I speak from experience). This is also talked about in FDS posts, the handbook and the podcast. Educating yourself with these resources will tell you all you need to know about why monogamy and specifically, marriage, is beneficial to women.

I think it’s a really good question. There is too much emphasis on relationships and finding “someone”

Monogamy is the safer option for women, but levelling up and being a better human for yourself is more important than being with a guy.

I also don’t think that “non-monogamy” is the answer.

It's either monogamy or celibacy for me.

This is Top Post Today. What happened to FDS?

In a Matriarchy, which is the natural order of things imo, women live communally, while the men, who are far fewer than the women, cater to the women's needs. Men are the true helpmates. Not the women. A group of women can neutralize, and keep the few men under control. As it is now, the world is out of balance with way too many men. Far too much masculine energy. Marriage was created by the patriarchy to give a woman to every man. To give sex to every man,to give men a steady stream of sex, housekeeping and cooking. But that is against nature. Not every man is supposed to have a woman. Marriage is a trap, and slavery for the woman. Marriage benefits the man. He leaches off the woman, sucks her dry of her youthful energy. When she's drained, and loses her looks and health. Because the man has drained her, he just replaces her with a younger version. Men are energy vampires. Monogamy is against nature. It was created by the patriarchy to give every man a female to satisfy their needs. Women were meant to live communally, in large numbers, while having a few men helping them on the side. Men are the true helpmates. Women are the true leaders