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I know we all have different values and can interpret the handbook in various ways. But I've noticed there is a sentiment that if you are not engaged or married within a few years, then your boyfriend isn't really committed to you. However, I've never really had this impression - especially considering the number of married men I know who cheat on their wives or try their luck with other women. So I've had the impression that marriage doesn't seem to stop people from cheating or lacking commitment to their wives. And in some European countries, I know unmarried couples who have been with their partners for 10+ years who seem to be very devoted. Anyway, I'm also financially responsible and have a good income so I see it as risky to become married and potentially liable to any financial missteps on their part (even if I trust them). Plus the cost of a divorce if things go wrong. Though I suppose prenups can help.
For context - I don't want kids, a factor that matters. I also value my personal space a lot and move slowly when deciding to live with a partner (married or not). Is anybody else here hesitant about marriage being a goal? Or feel like a few years isn't enough time to make such an important decision?
If it's a declaration of his ownership over you, then no.
If it's a lifelong commitment with a HVM who likes being with YOU, and isn't trying to trap you into taking care of him, then yes.
I think it's true that marriage is the ultimate commitment. Divorces are expensive and can take a very long time. So you obviously want to marry someone you see yourself spending your life with.
But not everyone wants that. I think women who don't want marriage (which is more common now) are being smart about their finances and wellbeing.
Men who don't want marriage are lv since marriage actually benefits them.
I know a woman and she met a guy and they got married very quick. But they separated around 6 months into their marriage. It took like 3 years for their divorce to be finalized. FOR A 6 MONTH MARRIAGE!
She ended up meeting someone else and then lived together without being engaged/marriage. When they broke up she said she was happy to just up and leave and not deal with what she went through with a divorce.
She never wants to get married again. The most she will do is live together.
So I think that it's not a negative thing to reject marriage.
I personally wouldn't combine my life and home with a man who isn't my husband. But women need to think about what's going to benefit them. Sometimes that's marriage and sometimes it's not.
FDS (imo) is about teaching us what benefits women in relationships
You have to decide what your goals are. The rules are there for the women who are unlearning bad habits, but once you get to a place of habitually centering your own needs, you don't need to rely on us to tell you what to do. Any organisation that truly looks to your benefit will be trying to make you not need them anymore.
If marriage isn't for you, then don't get married. You decide what is best for you, no one else.
Having said that, marriage IS just a piece of paper - a legally binding one! If you want to merge your household and live as a family, it's advisable to consider the long term legal recognition of marriage.
Welp, there are absolutely zero benefits of being a forever girlfriend, especially if you're cohabitating. And I personally don't see the point of cohabitating without marriage. But yeah, marriage is a legal contract, so for example if something happens to your significant other, you have basically no rights or status if you're not married (depending on where you live of course). You're just a girlfriend. So that's something to think about.
Imagine having a relationship where you couldn't even go to the hospital to see them if they get hurt because yall aren't married 🤡
i don't know. as an elder millenial, and the daughter of a father who cheated, i'm not super excited about it. i am however still attracted to men, unfortunately, and desire emotional connection and physical comfort just like most humans, so we'll see what happens.
If I cohabitate with someone I'd want to be married for sure. But I'm keeping my last name, the same I'd give to my potential children. He can change his last name if he wants.
But I'm not sure if I wanna live with a man, nor if I even want children, so in that case no marriage for me.
I'm not hesitant about marriage being my goal simply because I know the kind of man I want to marry and I won't settle for anything less than the exact lifestyle I want. I'm a wealthy, land owning white woman who wants to marry a wealthy, land owning white man. My options are plentiful and I'm in no rush to settle down. I'm 24 and plan to start seriously dating once I've entered my 28/29th year just so that way I can be sure I'll find a husband with a good hairline. Too many dudes look smoking in their early 20's just to look like shit in their 30's so that cannot be me cuz I'd divorce instantly if my hunk turned hideous. In the mean time I'm gonna be dating for fun and checking things off my bucket list and watching my wealth grow.