Is it good or bad for a woman to think like this?

If you still have an emotional grudge against an ex, you'll never be happy. Forgive yourself for the choices you made, we all here are learning.

Getting revenge and rubbing it in someone's face is an exhausting motivation to do anything because if they never cared about you, they probably never will. Sometimes men come back to chase and sometimes they don't. Either way, once you level up, you shouldn't care anymore what they think anyway.

Weddings especially should not be a competition - marriage is not something that's easy to get out of. Getting married should be for you only and the hypothetical fiance, not to show off.

If you really want to show off, just post pictures of you looking pretty and doing fun stuff on social media. Don't wait on a man, just keep your standards high and keep it moving.

Wanting a man just so that you can rub it into your ex’s face is a pickme behaviour. Please (re)read the handbook.

Being resentful is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I wrote out an entire answer and for some reason, it didn’t post! 😡

let’s try again

You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I don’t know how old you are , but when I was younger I felt like I had to “win” a breakup. It didn’t matter because that ex doesn’t care what you’re doing anymore. You can only “win” by levelling up. This isn’t to prove anything to this guy. This is for you. Yes, find a guy that spoils you with gifts and gives you an expensive wedding if that’s what you want. But you don’t do this to prove to him or anyone else that you’ve done better.

If I’m understanding this correctly, he was just a crush and didn’t lead you on or anything, he just found a woman that he wanted to marry?

Why do you care?

end of the day an ex or ex crush won’t care that you found a man to spoil and love you because they don’t care about you or what you’re doing.

Oof! Letting a jerk who “rejected” her continue to live rent-free in her head - to the point she’s out there seeking more male validation - nah, sis this example is the opposite of living her best life. Decentering men and being unbothered is the way.

Therapy is really helpful at “Getting to Meh” as Chump Lady calls it.

I always dress super nicely whenever I leave the house, even if I'm just getting groceries. Since I was a little girl I dreamt of being the fancy woman I am today and I go all in, I enjoy every second of it. Do I sometimes think it would be nice to meet an ex in the store, while looking on point? You bet.

Moral of the story: if you want to do it, do it for yourself, not for them. Otherwise you will never be happy.

It's not wrong to look for better treatment, that's why FDS exists in the first place. Just make sure that you don't conflate excessive displays of wealth with high value. And don't look for men specifically with the mindset of "one upping" your ex and his new woman. That's just going to make you miserable. Your worth is not determined by how luxurious of a wedding you manage to have. It seems like it's more about impressing others and proving something to them instead of listening to what YOU want intrinsically (and no, "to shove my glorious life into everyone's faces" is not a healthy intrinsic desire). Remember that people who are desperate to prove something are usually the unhappiest deep inside. Ideally, you'll have a man who treats you well AND helps to make your dreams happen, but the goal is to be confident and happy even if you never get the fairytale wedding. If you're bitter and unhappy inside, no amount of luxury will heal that wound for you.

Nah, sis.

Girl needs to forget him.

Her existence itself is a one up compared to him.

She doesn't need all those materialistic things just to compete with some low level scrote that propbably scratches his ass and smells his hands.

She can have all the great things in the world without him knowing about it. All that peace will be worth it

She can still be a Pickme trying to get the attention a man who rejected her. Move on with life just like he did. That is straight up obsession and unhealthy at that. How can one be ready to love someone who could give something more when the focus is on making the man who rejected her the title of The One Who Got Away?

You can let spite fuel your levelling up.

That’s fine.

But dating someone else and marrying them just to get back at an ex will ruin your life and the life of the new person. It’s not worth it.

OP, I don’t think that the ex-pickme should intentionally live her new life only to prove to the scrote that she’s better off. It should happen naturally because she wants it for herself. She has already given enough of herself to that scrote, he doesn’t deserve any more. ❤️

I think work on getting past this. It's normal to feel upset you were not the one. But revenge is exhausting and not worth it. A man should not live rent free in your mind. I'm not saying this man was an HVM, but in general HVM are not interested in pickmes. Pre-FDS, I ruined my chances with potentially HVM because they found my behaviour cringe and desperate. And HVM were VERY put off by me whipping my card out on dates to show I was an iNdEpEnDaNt woman. Both potentially HVM and LVM ditched me for women who were not interested in pursuing higher education (despite having the opportunity to do so) and worked as nannies or waitresses instead. There's nothing wrong with any profession a women choose, the main highlight here is that men don't care about your accomplishments. The key difference between m these women was that I was a massive pickme clown 🤡

Let him go hun. Pretend be never existed.

It's good to think like this. But the woman doesn't want the wedding or expensive gifts, she wants the love, validation, acceptance, and good relationship that are symbolized by the wedding and expensive gifts.

It's fine to think like this or however you want. Revenge is pretty friggin sweet! Shitty men make us feel shitty and revenge fantasies are a normal and healthy response to that.