.png)
Several years ago, I went on a date with a man who told me he liked to stay in and do nothing on his birthdays. I did not interpret it as a red flag then (perhaps a yellow flag at most?). For other reasons, I did not see him again.
My question:
When a man says he never celebrates his own birthday, is it a sign that he will not celebrate your birthday?
Note: obviously, a man who does not celebrate YOUR birthday is an instant block and delete. This is a different question entirely.
I have found that men who 'don't like to celebrate their birthday' will generally share a dull life with me. They won't put effort into making memories/celebrating other milestones etc. Celebration is important to me. It doesn't have to be a full big blown out party, but it also can be.
In rare occasions it might not mean that, and it might be something else, but generally this has been my experience.
End of the day it comes down to your values, his values, and how each of you live them, out and whether they, and that, aligns.
I think the true red flag would be "celebrating your birthday as an adult is stupid". Basically, the question here is: has he made a choice for himself based on his preferences or does he have a strong opinion about how things "should" be done in general? Like, my ex was someone who firmly believed that "arbitrary dates" should not matter, and didn't want to understand why I was upset with him making some other plans on my birthday. He said one can treat any day as a special occasion. This is a very common defense in men who refuse to do anything on culturally established occasions. Do they ever make any random Tuesday into a special occasion then? Of course not. So, men who share this mindset will generally announce it, smug men can rarely hide their condescension.
I dont think its a Red flag in . Maybe there are reasons for it. Also for some people birthdays become less important in adulthood. The Red flag for me would be "I dont celebrate my Birthday, therefore I will make no effort for yours, either" even though He knows its important for you. If he cant get over himself and make it important for you, that is a red flag.
My ex told me he didn't celebrate ANY holidays period. Not birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, July 4th, NYE, nothing. He said it was because his parents never celebrated holidays so he was never taught the importance of them. Meanwhile, I grew up celebrating every holiday. My mother always made a special something for us on every holiday and birthday. I dated this guy for 6 years and yes he put in zero effort for holiday, while I was buying the turkey for Thanksgiving and getting him a present for Christmas. I would take this as a red flag personally.
I'm friends with an HVM who does not like celebrating his birthday. But he graciously accepts well wishes and cards.
He always buys something nice for his friends on their birthdays though. His idea of celebration involves something peaceful for the other party, hence his actions are not elaborate. Not sure how it will be for his SO when he gets one.
So I got only this one example for your question.
Other than him, I've met countless men who will jackshit for you on you birthday but expect the world on theirs.
Yes it is. He's telling you not to expect any effort from him.
I think it’s a sign he will never do anything nice for you. I would bet he doesn’t plan anything for himself but if you were to plan something he’d love it and then when your birthday comes around he won’t do anything because he “doesn’t celebrate birthdays“ and conveniently forget what you did for him.
I would avoid a guy like this if I were you because it won’t be just birthdays. It will be Christmas, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day. He’ll say he doesn’t celebrate any of those either. Your relationship will be dull and you’ll probably never do anything fun together.
There’s a possibility that he would plan something special for your birthday and he just doesn’t like doing anything for his but I think most men who say this or go on about how “commercialized“ holidays are, use this as an excuse to never do anything nice for you on days that are considered special.
The majority of the time, yes red flag. I've dated several men who always thought celebrating birthdays (and various other holidays) were dumb, and they were always lowest-effort scrotes who were basically managing my expectations with that statement.
The one exception was a friend of mine from high school, his brother got into an ATV accident and died on my friend's birthday, and he just couldn't bring himself to celebrate after that. But he was always happy to celebrate any other time. I mean, I get it. But he would be the exception.