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We all know that it’s a red flag if a man drags his feet and doesn’t take initiative to plan a date with you, but I’m wondering, is the opposite extreme a problem?
For example, given the context of dating apps (I know, I know), there are a lot of men who will ask me out in the first message, without us having any sort of conversation first. And it always makes me feel icky… I’m always thinking, don’t you want to at least have a chat with me first, make sure we vibe at least a little bit? No, I don’t want to stay chatting on dating apps for weeks, but a few intro conversations before planning something seems like common decency.
Because of this, I usually ignore men who outright ask me out because it feels like a red flag and as if they almost want to “get it over with” and don’t have any interest in genuinely getting to know me.
Also in my experience being approached “in person”, if a man immediately asks me out without having made any attempt to get to know me, he usually ends up being a LVM interested in sex as quickly as possible for as little effort as possible. (Well actually… men who played the friendship “long game” were also low value lol). But, these ACT FAST NOW types seem to be a certain type of LVM who don’t even pretend to want to get to know you. Just a pattern I’ve noticed that makes me weary of these men who do such bold cold approaches like that.
But what are all of your thoughts on this? Is it ever worth accepting a date from these types of men if they do offer to take you some place nice and seem high value otherwise?
Pay attention to how you feel. It appears to be a red flag for you. Your first memory of your husband shouldn't be "he immediately asked me out and it felt icky"
It would be a red flag to me because it's extremely low effort on their part. Sorry, sir, I need a little more than "You're pretty, let's go on a date" to even consider leaving my house for you. You can also be 100% that they are sending that exact first message to every, single woman they match with and wait for the one who is dumb and desperate enought to fall for it.
I don't do OLD, but the same applies if someone wants to ask me out in real life. A little back and forth to check basic compatibility, how he expresses himself, what kind of questions he asks, if he is boring and can't hold a conversation, if he turns things sexual right away etc. is an absolute must. Any man who sees you and decides he wants to date you without even having a proper conversation to get to know you as a person first only sees you as a piece of meat to fuck, not a human being. Why on earth would someone who is looking for a serious relationship ask someone he knows absolutely nothing about out on a date?
Yes it's a red flag. Usually men who immediately ask you out aren't actually interested in you, they just want a woman to go out with. Any woman. Same for those guys who start talking about marriage, babies, etc when they barely know a thing about you.
It can seem flattering at times, especially if he does actually want to take you somrwhere nice. But yeah, a woman to date is just something to cross off the checklist for these guys. He'd probably spend the whole date talking about himself.
The feeling I get when a man asks me out immediately is that he’s desperate. He doesn’t even want to get to know me a LITTLE bit before asking for a date? It’s a sign I’ll be doing all the emotional labour of making sure we are a good fit for each other since all he cares about is looks.
>And it always makes me feel icky…
there's your answer.
the act fast now type of lvm at least don't make us waste our time hahahah
I don't think that men should ask women out immediately just like that, without knowing each other a little first. However, another problem ensues - the friendzone - the man becomes your friend first (before asking you out), but his modus operandi for befriending you first is to eventually sleep with you. Is there a middle ground to this?
Yes, the type of situation you described is a red flag. If a man asks you out on a dating app without attempting any conversation, just block and delete.
He might even be a bot or scammer.
I think getting offline would eliminate a lot of the guess work. Online or in-person approaches are not fool proof, but online just seems to attract even more wastes of time. At least in person you can read a person's body language and you won't get catfished.